On the blog today we have Val who worked on The Skinny Confidential team for about 3 years. She was such an asset & one of the most amazing team members I could’ve ever asked for. She recently had to leave us ( so sad ) to move to Bali. She was exploring some new endeavors & going on her own journey. Val is so smart & well-spoken so I wanted to have her come on the blog to share how to meet like-minded people & how to be ok with being alone.
With that, let’s welcome back Val…
Hey everyone – it’s Val here reporting from Bali, Indonesia. I was a member of The Skinny Confidential team for 3 years and recently decided to go the nomadic route and move to Bali for a bit. When Lauryn invited me to come on the blog I felt inspired to talk about how to make friends in a new city, loneliness and being alone. I feel these are very common issues for people these days and obviously something I’ve experienced myself.
I’ve moved multiple times, each one larger than the last. Throughout this process I’ve learned a few things about adapting to new cities.
At some point in your life it’s pretty likely you’ll move to a completely new city. Once you arrive and discover the best places to eat and lounge you’ll want to find people to share your experiences with. Connecting with the community and making friends are an essential part of our well-being and happiness. Today we’re going to discuss 6 tips for moving to a new city & coping with being lonely while making friends.
In my opinion, it’s really important to distinguish between feeling lonely and being alone. Loneliness is the feeing of being disconnected from others, not being seen and heard for who we are. In contrast, when we are alone we may not physically be with anyone however we are content and fulfilled in this spaciousness. We still feel connected to others and the world around us. We may feel lonely in a crowded room and we may feel happy in an empty room.
In my own experiences when I have felt lonely, I was disconnected from others and this caused feelings of depression. It was not fun, however it taught me so much and I am truly grateful for those times. Now I love being alone because even in my alone states I know I am connected with others.
Here are some tips I’ve learned along the way of how to make friends and feel less lonely:
6 TIPS FOR LONELINESS / HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS
If you are interested in making friends, create consistency in your actions. What does this actually look like? It means showing up to the same activity often. Maybe it is the same yoga class each week, going to the same coffee shop, or joining a weekly woman’s circle. When you do something you enjoy you will find like-minded people. When you do something you enjoy consistently, you will become familiar with those people. When you are familiar it will feel more natural to introduce yourself and connect. You already have something in common. I’ve made a lot of friends at my yoga studio, going to the same dance class and even hanging at the same restaurant while working. Give it a try and give it some time. It’s not instant.
If you are feeling really lonely put your energy towards a creative outlet. Rather than spending time inward letting feelings of depression spiral, harness that energy and express outwardly. This is something purely for you. Something that lights you up for your own enjoyment. It doesn’t need to be anything complicated or fancy. Find something that inspires you and put your energy towards that. This could be painting, writing, playing music, dancing or even cooking. Bonus: if you make some delicious treats you can even share some with the people you’ve met. Bring them to your next meeting. Everyone loves a fun homemade treat.
3. QUALITY OVER QUANTITY
Yes, it’s cliche and we’ve all heard it a million times, however it’s cliche for a reason. It’s true. Are your friends people you can call in the middle of the night when you’re crying or people who can help you when you’re sick? Are your friends people who will only respond if there’s a glass of wine involved or an invite to an exclusive event? Focus on creating deep connections with a few great individuals rather than 20 loose ties. It is so much more beneficial, fulfilling and nurturing for your soul.
4. SWITCH FROM FOMO TO JOMO
Rather than FOMO ( fear of missing out ) try JOMO ( joy of missing out ). Remember, social media is a facade and comparison is the thief of happiness. Cherish your time alone. It may not feel special, especially if you’re feeling lonely, however it is a sacred time to go inward. Utilize this time to create some inner peace. Reflect on your accomplishments, learn a new skill and get to know yourself so you can show up more fully and whole with others in your life. Stop comparing yourself with others. We are all on different paths and exactly where we need to be.
5. ACTIVE ENERGY
Building and forming relationships requires energy. You must do something. It is not a passive process. This means ask people to lunch or ask them to activities you’re interested in such as a yoga class, a concert or a hike. Do not wait for people to invite you. Act with confidence and make the initial move. Most people are too scared and will appreciate being asked. Some people will say no and most people will say yes. I think it’s important to note that a rejection usually is never personal. There’s probably a valid reason that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Be bold, have the courage and take action.
6. PATIENCE & LEARNING
Remain patient and learn from the experience. Everything is temporary. The feelings of loneliness are probably trying to teach you something. Embrace the quiet times to dive deep and see what those lessons are. Meditate. Often I experience a deeper sense of gratitude and appreciation for those in my life. Finally, imagine you are planting a seed. In order for a flower to bloom the plant must be nurtured over time. It is the same with relationships and new cities.
I hope these tips help you if you are ever feeling lonely or in a new city trying to make friends.
How do you enjoy spending time alone? What are your creative outlets?
Thanks so much to Val for being on TSC. Let us know if you’re interested in Val’s traveling tips, & Bali specifically. She’s become a real jet-setter & I feel she has a lot of tangible takeaways.
Hope everyone is having a great Sunday. We’re packing & getting ready to fly to the South of France for a month. Bring on the la piscine!
+ for more travel posts, scope out this page.
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