Recently on Instagram I wrote an open letter about why I shut down The Skinny Confidential Facebook group. Due to the overwhelming response to the letter and the questions from the community, I feel the need to further explain the reasoning behind shutting down the group.
First off, let me take you back to the original intention of the group and talk about why it was started to begin with. The group was meant to be a fun and relaxed space where women could share their tips & tricks & talk about anything from beauty, relationships, dating, hair, restaurants, fitness, fashion, and more- it was a resource like the blog where we could all come together to help each other out as women.
That point cannot be stressed enough: it was always meant to be LIGHT HEARTED & HELPFUL, while discussing the very real things that we as women go through.
In the beginning SO many amazing things came out of the group: friendships were formed, women found friends in new cities, BUSINESSES were started! Seriously, it was SO much more than I could have ever imagined, and it grew extremely fast. At times I couldn’t believe how fast it grew.
When we started the group, we set rules to help keep the group positive. As we went into 2020 with all the chaos that has occurred this year, those rules were set aside to try and allow for some measure of discussion since so many were faced with so much hardship. As things became heavier, we noticed the tone was also turning judgmental and negative. I was bummed since my intention was for the group to offer a place for members to relieve a bit of stress After some debate I decided to give it one more chance. I had our admins on high alert and attempted to set more rules to keep the space positive.
But it didn’t help the situation. It actually made it worse.
After more brainstorming we decided it would be best to bring everything ‘in house.’ What I mean by that is I had The Skinny Confidential team members and interns moderate the group in hopes of trying to get it all under control. This still didn’t work. It kept getting worse. In our weekly meetings, the “hot button issue” was the groups turn towards negativity & judgement. All of us felt conflicted and unsure of how best to turn the tone back to what it was. The comment section was especially out of control.
To give you a micro example:
A member posted in the group asking if she should keep her hair long or cut it short. Some of the comments she received were:
“Who fucking cares about your stupid hair.”
“Get a fucking life, we’re in a pandemic.”
“How can you even be thinking about something like this right now? LOL- fuck your hair. No one cares.”
The Skinny Confidential has always been offered up as a kind of escapism for women, a feel good destination for members to come together. It’s not meant for political debate or judgement on morality. There are tons of groups on Facebook about politics, social activism, world issues, but this was always meant to be a space for beauty tips, hair styles, dating advice, etc. It was intended to feel like you were at a boozy brunch having mimosas with friends, sharing insights on lighter topics & LOL-ing over jokes.
As mentioned earlier I also fully expected everyone to go by the rules that were set from the beginning and that every new member was aware of the rules when they joined. Those rules included no politics, religion, attacks, selling, MLM’s- most importantly: NO HATE. They were set to keep a POSITIVE space where women could talk about the issues, we all face. Sharing things & helping each other was the goal, always.
This year has been so crazy & with that, some of those rules went out the windows so that we could try and discuss some of the issues 2020 has brought to all of us. It’s when we let the rules go, even a little that all hell broke loose. People were incapable of having discussions about these deeper issues without attacking each other and tearing each other down.
It’s very important to say that the discussion topics, the posts, & the things people wanted to share weren’t the main problem. The major problem was how people were treating each other in the COMMENT SECTION. Kindnesss was not the theme, and it became hostile.
Let’s go over that again: I didn’t shut down the group because of the TOPICS being discussed although I realize they were a departure from my original plan. Some people and some publications are alluding that I shut the group down because of RBG tributes or BLM posts or Covid advice, or the election. This is all emphatically UNTRUE! I shut it down because of the HATE being spewed in the comments between women who originally came to the group to uplift other women!
To give the full picture, here are some screenshots that showcase the point:
It very quickly went from women forming new friendships to strangers telling other strangers to fuck off and kill themselves. People who don’t know me, my platform, or what we stand for had also entered the group & it became a VERY negative space VERY quickly.
We had 3 choices:
1. Let all the members of the group post anything they want. Break all the rules, go wild & let it turn into a negative space.
2. Moderate the group with our internal team (which is small and not built to moderate FB groups). We did this, but it put us in a position of trying to pick and choose what got posted and what didn’t, so then we were under fire for just trying to decide. We couldn’t keep up. To be honest, Facebook can’t even do this effectively themselves, so how can my small team do this for 60k + women? It became impossible to moderate for such a small team.
3. The last option was to archive the group completely, end the negativity, & take a breather.
After many discussions, option 3 ended up being the best alternative. We honestly couldn’t think of a fourth option but if anyone out there can we are open to feedback/ideas.
Now that the group is shut down, I personally am getting attacked. People are saying horrible things about my family & my daughter. DM’s to me telling me to kill myself, I am a bad mother, even messaging my husband (who built an entire company that does nothing but uplift women’s voices through audio). You can check out the latest episode with Dom Roberts here where a lot of this stuff is addressed.
…which just further proves why this group had to be shut down. It became a hateful negative space where people were unwilling to listen to others and instead turned to spiteful attacks.
I’ve said this on stories & I’ll say it here: some of you say I am silencing women. You are correct. I am silencing women set on tearing down other women. It’s one thing to post tributes to iconic women or to bring up social issues, it’s a whole other thing to use those tributes or issues as opportunities to spread hate and bully people online.
Why should I subject this incredible community to daily hate on Facebook? There are so many of you that share my sentiment and don’t want to be part of a negative, hateful space. That’s not why you read this blog, or so I hope!
So yes, the group is shut down & will stay that way for a while. It was important for me to address this to you direct, on the blog. I am sure many of you have had questions, I am sure some of you had also already made up your mind. Now you have my version and my response.
On another note: THANK YOU to the many members who made the group so much fun, provided many laughs, gave so much VALUE- you made it an amazing space for women all over the world for years. You rock and I will always be so appreciative to you.
In the future I look forward to keeping things positive. Life is too short for anything else.
“Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in this world, but it has not solved one yet.” -Maya Angelou
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112 replies to “Why I Shut Down My Facebook Group With Over 60K Members”
You made a great decision!! Thanks for sharing!
thank you for the feedback!
I absolutely think you made the right choice! People got so vile in the group, and this year has already been filled with so much hate. I’m so sad to hear that you and your family are getting hate for this (positive) decision. At the end of the day, it’s your platform and you make the decisions with what happens with it. Love you guys sm- thanks for doing what you do and continuing to create positive spaces and beneficial content ♥️♥️
I don’t blame you for shutting it down. To be honest, I had quit going on to it because of the craziness. Still love reading your blog and seeing your Instagram posts.
Thanks for the clarification Lauryn, I LOVE your podcast and love to support your brand so I was confused when I saw the groups were archived. I’m sorry you and your family are under fire right now but thanks for staying true to yourself and for zero tolerance on hate. XOXO
Good for you Lauryn! I completely support you & all that you do.
I’m sure it was a really difficult situation but would do the same in yours shoes!
THANK YOU SO MUCH for shutting this down…. seriously mean it. The negativity, hatred and inability for certain women to accept and appreciate differences become inhumane. Thank you for caring.
I noticed the hate. And it was becoming a drag. It was becoming toxic energy and I think you did the right thing in shutting it down right now. I love your blog, your brand, podcast, …everything that you stand for. I fully support you!
Fully support your decision and understand it. IMO people need a space that is free of more serious events and topics. I know where to go when I want to be in that headspace – sometimes you need a break.
Respect. You have mine even more, girl! Thank you for the hard choice and being honest!
Those of us that love you will be here for the next one! Sending love ❤️
I think you made the right decision here. I left the TSC group a while ago because I noticed that a good amount of the women were not kind. I noticed that many of people were judgmental and I didn’t want to be part of that anymore.I will say that in the beginning it was light hearted and fun and I was able to make a few IG friends. I’m sorry that you are being attacked, you guys are awesome!!
I just wanted to let you and your team know that your decision is the best one. Sadly it has come to this but it is the current reality. I loved your page and I went to it to find new products, friendly insight etc. It hasn’t been the same for quite some time now. BUT I never even thought that reflected on you, your team or your family. It is plain maddening to hear about the comments that you have been sent. Absolutely maddening. Why can’t we all just be decent humans!! Stay the amazing and uplifting person I have come to love, listen to and watch. Now go snuggle your BEAUTIFUL little girl 🙂
I am so sorry–that the group self-destructed and for the common good had to be closed. What sort of evil would have a woman/women, text you–with intent to harm.
Horrible untenable conduct –Good for you and those members I hope were reported to the police.
Supporting you all the way.
There’s no edit feature but just wanted to clarify on my post above. Good for you– for being transparent and honest and kind. And I hope those threats were reported.
Again, you did a wonderful thing—feel proud of it —that it was successful as long as it was. It still was a success –it was unhealthy women–who failed
–not any of us who were kindhearted and fair nor you.
That is success 🙂
I completely understand your choice. This is incredibly saddening. Idk what’s happening to our world right now
I am not one of the individuals who got worked up over the group being shut down. I always see things from all sides and I could understand why you made the decision you made. But I have to be honest with you. Being in groups now where the issue is being discussed, I’m seeing LESS talk about the actual archiving of the group and MORE talk about how it was handled after the fact. The response from you and Michael came off very aggressive and lacking understanding. Which again, I can understand in part… your character was being attacked and I can imagine it felt horrible. I only share this to say, hopefully there was a lesson learned after the fact. Standing up for yourself and being unapologetically you is admirable. But part of growth is hearing different perspectives and being willing to admit where you were wrong and use that to do better in future situations. You always say that you are super in tune with your audience and want to hear what they have to say, but the second it got real and there were valid concerns, you shut down and responded in anger as opposed to empathy. At the end of the day, influencers can never win with the mob mentality of the internet. You will never do everything right for everyone. As a fan of the blog and podcast, I just hope you commit to learning and growing with these topics just as you have all the other topics you have discussed in the past. You have such a powerful platform with a powerful voice backing it — I’m excited to see what you do with it.
I just wanted to tell you how amazing I think you, your husband and your family is. I have been an avid reader and supporter of your content for years – I would like to think I am an OG. Thanks to you I have laughed, cried, learned new things, learned of new bloggers/creators/educators, purchased life-improving products and most of all enjoyed your content continuously. I joined the Facebook group very early on and enjoyed it immensely in the beginning. I, like you, noticed the beginnings of negativity in the group early on but mostly ignored it as the content, information and overall vibe of the group was still awesome. In the last year I have considered leaving the group so many times due to the hateful and nasty comments that seem to land on every single post. Although I 100% think you made the right choice in archiving the group, I am still saddened to see this awesome group come to an end. However, what I am even more saddened by is the intense backlash you have received and the uncalled for hate that is being thrown your way. You and your husband have done more to uplift and bring attention to women’s platforms, companies and rights than the majority of the women in that group combined! I hope you know that there are lots of people out there that feel the way I do, we just aren’t as loud and I am sorry for that. Please know that I will always support you and everything you do so please keep being you, and hustling like I know you can!
All the best!!!
PS. This to shall pass …. like all things in life!
I totally agree that people take things way too far, both in the comments and what they are now often saying to you. And I 100% can see why this was a tough decision; I cannot imagine moderating a group of that size. However, there is a LOT of valid, constructive criticism that has come from this, such as your extreme privilege and lack of helpful action around BLM, that I wish you would recognize and accept. We all make mistakes and grow, and we as white women need to acknowledge that and use our platforms, big and small, to help marginalized groups, and do what we can do understand their experiences. I know you like to have the answers, and there are no answers here, because understanding people different than you is a lifelong journey. I also think you have a huge platform, and you need to know that the bigger you get, the more people will want to hold you accountable. It’s not a bad thing, and it’s not always trolls. I really admire what you’ve built, and have been disappointed by people on both sides of all of this.
I wish I could respond to Heather under your comment Kait b/c I am literally shook that this woman used to word colored in 2020!!!! Like this literally proves the points of everyone silenced in the FB group. That is literally tone deaf and borderline racist. You DO NOT call people colored in 2020 HEATHER!!! Like what is wrong with you?!?!?!?!
Woooow, Heather. Did you actually choose to consciously use the word “colored”??? I can see you learned nothing from anyone in the group at all. Disgusting.
Well NICOLE, thank you for proving my point. How is that racist? My aunt is black and calls herself colored. The only people who care about this are people who have something to be guilty for. It’s not racist not even borderline and tone deaf means you can’t hear a musical tone. It’s a made up phrase to shame people for not having the same beliefs. I also said women of color by the way and not colored people but hey, reading is hard. And in case you missed it, white is a color. We’re all human. I’m sure you were one of the trolls on the Facebook page. And people should be silenced for being so intolerant and hateful as yourself. You don’t have the right to say whatever you want whenever you want on someone else’s platform.
Kristy my comment was deleted before you commented so how would you know what I said. And how presumptuous to assume my color. And the group only taught me that women are horrible to each other and tear people down they down agree with.
What a gross assumption to say someone has “extreme privilege,” seriously Kait get a grip and stop virtue signaling.
And here we go again, Samira.
Lauryn, thank you for your honesty and providing us all with that safe space. Appreciate you and your team! Sending positivity and love your way!
To made the right choice! We should lift eachother up not tear eachother down! I’m sorry to hear you are personally being attacked, that is very uncalled for!
I am so sorry you had to go through this. I just don’t get it. I love your content and contributions. I can’t understand people who are full of hate.
You really worked hard at finding a solution; your hands were tied to ultimately shut it down. Thank you for explaining it all here. My FB experience does seem lighter lately without reading some of the TSC comments. I think this group was a microcosm of what’s going on in our world, sadly. I deeply crave more decency. Thank you for taking a stand for positivity. Best wishes to you & your lovely family.
I respect this so much! I can’t believe it took a negative turn bc I remember when it used to be super positive! I think the pandemic definitely heightened everyone’s emotions, and it’s unfortunate this had to happen. Anyway, keep writing! I love your posts, Lauryn! You have an amazing team!
A few bad eggs ruining the whole pot. 🙁 With power comes responsibility, and I think you made the reasonable choice. I’m still along for the ride! On to the next adventure. Xx
I absolutely loved the group on FB and learned so much from other women. But I completely understand why you shut it down. Thanks for always being real.
I agree with your decision. I stopped following a few months ago for this very reason. Continue the great work!
You’ve done the right thing. You definitely don’t deserve the personal attacks. Love that I can still follow the blog and podcast for the topics I used to look to the FB group for. Bless you and your family and keep up the great work.
I am proud of you and love you Lauryn. You are smart and have tons to offer many. Keep being and doing you! Brava girl!! Xoxoxo sistasue aka agentsue
I’m sorry so many women behaved so poorly. I understand the decision. Best to you and your family!
Fully support your decision and so sorry that the hate has spread to attacking you & your family. Thank you for all that you do and share ❤️ XOXO
I fully respect your choice to do this. I have been apart of the group for years now and have seen so many comments filled with insults, name-calling, one-sided opinions and just plain hatred. It’s remarkably idiotic how people think you’re silencing support of political figures or movements when it’s really the groups own members that have spewed hate in the comments of those posts. Equally idiotic is assuming you And Michael belong to a certain political party based off no concrete reasoning. I personally DON’T want to know your politics and if others demand you regularly speak on current political issues, they should simply unfollow and move along. Cheers!
Great decision! Lets make things fun again. Sheesh@ 🙂
I am so glad you did this. GIRL SET THE TONE!! Enough of the hate. Anyone who follows you and loves you gets it! ✨✨✨✨
It’s a shame this was necessary, but until the election is behind us, it is not going to get better. You did the right thing. Maybe someday, when the world returns to its axis, you can bring back the group… until then, focus on other parts of your business.
I think you made the right decision! I used to LOVE the TSC facebook group. The ladies posted such good tips & tricks/advice, but I have to be honest that I stopped going on there anymore towards the end of it because there was so much negativity! If it ever does open up again I think you should continue the “no politics” rule. Keep killing it Lauryn! I love all things TSC 🙂
You’re the best & you’re the boss of this space. <3 Thank you for being a LEADER xox
You made the right call. I had to unfollow the group in February. It was so negative and it was a large group of women who used your space to tear others down. It became a negative space that was so toxic. It didn’t matter what the subject was, it was turned against the poster and women were being awful to each other. You shouldn’t want your name associated with that. Good for you for doing what you needed to. I wish it were different and like it was in the beginning. However people are so self absorbed these days that if they don’t agree with it they have to share why they disagree.
I’m sorry sweetie! I know you’ve worked so hard on the group and in general. It’s a damn shame that people can be so mean. You definitely made the right decision! Xx
Bold ballsy move and I respect it oh so much!! Nice thinking and I support you 100%
Think this was a great decision. I loved the group before but the past few months, I was honestly SCARED to post anything because I didn’t want it to turn into something negative.
Sending all the good vibes your way. Will always support!
Even though a lot of us are sad, I’m glad the mean girls were silenced, love you Lauryn!
Hi Lauryn. Long-time TSC reader here. You’re right – the group did get really negative and toxic. As a member of the group, I definitely saw a lot of negativity and NONE of it warrants the terrible messages being sent to you. That is awful and of course you and your family do not deserve that. However, I strongly believe it is incorrect to paint this situation as broadly as “people were mean and wouldn’t stop spreading negativity.”
I know you started the group as a place to escape from the stress of our everyday lives, and to go somewhere fun and light. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. But after George Floyd’s murder, the resulting unrest, and all of the other stressful events that have unfolded over the past 6 months, there comes a point where you have to pause and consider what banning political/covid talk portrays to your audience. The personal IS political – always, and especially now, and especially for your BIPOC audience members. For your queer audience members. For your poor, disenfranchised, and marginalized audience members.
We love your positivity and your dedication to creating a positive space! But what good is that space when we’re in such a chaotic time, when your audience members made many posts questioning why, as the issues facing Americans became more and more dire as each day passed, you could not also adapt to the times?
Women need a space to escape negativity, yes. But the issues many women face are simply not ever escapable. Racism, police brutality, reproductive health freedom, 200,000+ Americans dead from a disease that has significantly impacted impoverished people of color…..it came to a point where ignoring these things in the group didn’t mean you were keeping negativity away. It meant MANY of your followers felt you were willfully ignoring that women can discuss both serious and fun topics in the same space; that advocating for human rights was not as important as staying as neutral as possible in order to not alienate your audience; it meant we felt you were putting what YOU thought was best instead of listening to your audience – something you frequently say is so important to you.
Quick point on this because I can’t not say something: Michael’s IG Story on covid was, frankly, crass, insensitive, and extremely tone deaf to a surprising degree. Yes, America bungled this whole thing and there’s no point in whining about what we should or should not have done as a country. I agree with that. But to continue to downplay a virus that has killed over 200,000 Americans, as we’re on the cusp of flu season and hospitals may yet again face overcrowding, I just truly can’t believe he would make posts so irresponsible as those. There is a huge fucking difference between “think for yourself” and encouraging people to “get off their high horse” about a deadly virus. I have a preexisting condition and could very well die if I caught covid, and I’m only 27. So yeah, fuck that noise, and I really hope Michael considers how his flippant and disrespectful attitude poorly reflects back onto you, Lauryn.
Anywho – nobody expects you (or anyone!) to become an activist overnight, that’s not realistic for anyone. We know you have a business to run and a brand to maintain – we’re smart, and we get that. Nobody expects or wants you to suddenly start speaking out on every single hot topic – all we wanted was for you to listen to us and acknowledge the fact that times have changed, 24/7 positivity is just not realistic or even useful, and the time has come and gone for people in influential positions such as yourself to stay silent on issues that are LITERALLY life and death.
I really hope you read this, or at the very least, don’t delete this comment. I discovered TSC way back in 2015, after I had graduated college and had no idea what I was doing with my life. So many times, your blog (and your positivity!) kept me afloat and gave me the inspiration to keep going. I can’t tell you how many times I excitedly told my boyfriend about a great podcast guest you had on. I legit cried when I saw your pregnancy announcement. I say this because I need you to know I am not trying to “cancel” you by commenting this criticism. I respect you and your work ethic, and I have gained so much value from you and your brand over the years, and TSC really means a lot to me. But all of this can be true and I can also have my criticisms. You are a public figure, and no public figure is immune to being held accountable. Times have changed, and you need to catch up.
Again, I hope you read this or at least don’t delete it. I can’t believe I wrote this long ass comment but it really truly is because you and TSC are important to me, and I do still respect you. xo
This is everything I wanted to say but couldn’t find the words. Thank you.
This is such constructive feedback and exactly what I have been thinking.
You are spot on. Thank you for writing this. People with big platforms should be held accountable.
Yesssss! This comment is everything and so spot on!
I think it’s interesting that you mention 24/7 positivity is not realistic nor useful yet you followed that statement up with saying how her positivity helped you get through after graduation. I’m a HUGE believer that we have a choice (outside of any mental health obstacles) every day when we wake up how we are going to perceive and take on the day. We can choose to be positive 24/7 and it is incredibly useful b/c for every positive person or space happening there could be the opposite and maybe, just maybe, that space of positivity will pull that other person out of their darkness. There will always be use for 24/7 positivity… is it realistic to attain? Likely not, but please don’t rule out the power behind living in a positive space. After all that Lauryn has been through, she still remains positive, yet we all know she struggles and has bad days like anyone else and even then she is there to lift others up.
I love that we can come here and respect one another and be open to receiving what everyone’s thoughts are. I think it says a lot about us as followers and thus a lot about her for creating this community <3
Thank you for saying this E. This is everything I wanted to say but done so much better. I hope Lauryn reads it too.
Wow! Just reading all of that gave me anxiety. I can’t imagine dealing with it all in real-time and having my name on it. Heartbreaking that your vision was hijacked. I know you will find a similar space soon that keeps your vision on track. Sorry you had to deal with it all.
I definitely understand why you had to shut the group down. I’m sad that it’s gone and I hope it’s not gone forever but I appreciate that you genuinely care about our experiences and how transparent you are being. I’m sorry people have been going after you and your family. I hope you remember that there are SO many of us that support you and think you guys are doing awesome things!
You have made a thoughtful and good decision.
I love your blog and I think you made a great decision. There is too much hate and negativity. Sorry you are having to deal with so many trolls. ((hugs))
So sorry you had to do that. I truly loved the group until the gate started. Very sad how people were being attacked and bringing you into it. ❤️
LOVE YOU, LAURYN and truly everything you do for us/this community! It breaks my heart that the anger/hate/negativity has come over this group. I joined at the very beginning (waaayy back when) and have always loved reading all the hilarious boy drama stories, home decor ishh, beauty tips and so much more! This isn’t goodbye, it’s see ya later!!! OH, and shame on anyone who comes after you, Michael and Zaza!!!!! I know it’s easier said than to believe, but it’s people projecting their opinions towards you/taking it out on you. If there’s one thing I’ve always loved about your page is that you’re an OG badddieee, always trying to keep it real – and share with true intention. Never change, keep shining, and we’ll all be here!!! Xx, ash
You totally did the right thing. I loved the topics but chicks were wild in the comments. The comments section actually made me anxious for women, and for our country. I hope after a break it can come back similar to how it started. Love your blog and your podcasts! ?
Lauryn, you handled this whole situation 10 out of 10. It is sad that a group of bad seeds can ruin a good crop, but it is the truth of the matter. Just wanted to say you are a kick ass blogger, influencer, mother, and leader to many women. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. I love how you worded this entire post while staying true to who you are. You are a queen & I love you for it!
I think you made the right decision. The comment section was absolutely horrible at times!
So happy you made this decision. It definitely seems like the right thing to do! We need more love in this world, not hate.
Bravo. You bring much light ideas and advice into my life. I loved watching you be honest and share everything about the birth of your daughter and that not everything is always perfect. I am a mom of three girls and live for Zaza! She’s adorable! You brought smiles into my space during some trying and tough times. Continue to soldier on and let the haters find someone else to hate on. Stay true to yourself and your mission. Wishing you only good things.
It was out of control. It was no longer a “feel good” experience. It’s terrible to read things said towards you and your beautiful family. Not worth it for you and us that loved what the content was in the beginning.
You absolutely made the right decision. I am so sorry you are now subjected to such horrible messages from people who are so full of hate. I will continue to follow you and your tribe on IG and podcasts. ❤️❤️❤️
saddest part is that what happened here is representative of the nastiness happening all over social media. People tearing down others over the littlest things.
Totally understand! Some friends of mine are even shutting down their personal FB accounts due the negativity this year.
I just wonder if it could be different if rather than archiving the whole page, those that comment rude or judgemental comments or share posts as such could just be removed from the group entirely. Just like major clean up.
Positive vibes <3
Loved the group and support this 100% I think many people joined just because it was a big group to stir up hate? It was literally insane the cruelty I seem Hope it returns in it’s full glory in 2021.
I think you made a courageous decision and BRAVO! Because of TSC I have started doing Kim Kelly workouts, Melissa Wood Health flows, Shaman Durek webinars, eating three Brazil nuts a day, time blocking in my giant planner.. the list goes on! I’ve always found it to be a space of innovation and I love that your platform supports viewpoints and ideas from every spectrum, even ones you’re not keen on but you want everyone to have a voice! So massive kudos for doing your part to shut down the negativity that eroded from people helping out one another. That takes courage!
I completely understand it is so unfortunate that some people have to be so “ugly”.
Seriously I have chills reading this! I have been your follower for the last 10 years and I will be rooting for you ever harder now!!! You are a beacon of light in a dark dark world.
I 100 million percent support this. I had silenced the group after all the hate I was seeing. And specifically after there was a thread w/ all these girls saying they had idea who you were or your podcast or blog! WTF is wrong w/ these people. You are brave and you are KILLING it! I’m sorry that people are harassing you but you’ve got this! You’ve got this world! Keep doing what you do! ???
Thank you Lauryn. As a original member of TSC I think you made the right decision. I am sorry you have received such hateful comments. You don’t deserve that. Jealousy is very ugly. We miss you in SD. We are proud of you. Carry on. XoXo,
This is disheartening to see. It must’ve been so hard for you to have made that decision but trust your instincts. They’ve gotten you where you are now and they’ll get you where you want things to go next.
I have to say, I was actually blocked out of ALL sub groups by one of your admins a year ago based on a post where someone posted their shoe that had like sun damage or something and I commented “yo, those are different shoes!” Nothing negative to say the least. I got NO notice but the op went off and started cussing at me and I just ignored it. I have over 10 real life friends in the group and they’ll ALL tell you the same thing- I didn’t do anything negative and am known for being positive and contributing vs taking away from the group. This group was my lifeline for having lost my fur baby after 14 years, all things beauty/fashion, and potential engagement/wedding advice (ring shopping- heyooo!), and it was like losing a lifeline to be cutoff like that. I reached out every few weeks and months to the admin who blocked me from the groups to be COMPLETELY ignored. I apologized for any miscommunication and asked if someone could please let me know what it was I did. Crickets. So I have to say I was v disappointed that in my case this particular admin was representing your brand this way b/c I’ve never known your style to be like that. It’s a relief to actually hear your TSC team took over the group and I have full confidence that it’ll be that same supportive and respectful space it once was. I shared my story because I wonder if it’s possible others were in a similar situation as myself and maybe the prior admins had a hand in the direction the group went?? Just a thought.
Reading those comments on the example you shared was GUTWRENCHING to see. The future is female and it’s a MUST we lift one another up and it’s okay if we don’t all mesh but the respect has to be there. These are such heightened times and I just wished everyone could take a step back, breathe, spend more time off (than on) the Internet (btw, I see you Montana, grounding, etc… Yes mama!!). We lead by example. I have faith your leadership will bring everyone together when the time is right and you’ll know when that is but I do think your presence, and positive leadership, is key….. maybe one day I can be unblocked and be a part of spreading that good juju all around. Ooxxoo
I also wanted to add that I’m so sorry your family is being pulled into this – it’s super uncool for problem to threat or bring your daughter into any of this. Also, I wanted to add that as a leader, decisions have to be made for the greater good, it might seem strange but I honestly thing by you archiving the group you’re doing everyone a favor and creating a pause for people to look in the mirror. We are all imperfect and we all need a time out sometimes – Hopefully it’ll be just that. You’ll never be able to please everyone but what’s crazy is you are constantly working on self improvement so when people say they don’t SEE you actively doing or speaking out on certain topics what they don’t understand is that we all self reflect differently and genuine change comes from within and Aries years, shoot, decades sometimes to take effect. Change does not happen overnight and there’s just not enough Grace these days to go around. Keep improving (as I know you do), stay focused on your beautiful family, building your brand, and know many of us are here for you and one another. OOXOO
You made the right executive decision and I’m sorry you are receiving hate from trolls. Those are not your real supporters. I loved the group at first but left a year ago because I would constantly see women putting each other down and there was even a cliquey mean girl atmosphere to it at one point. One time, I posted what was supposed to be a funny tinder story and instead people commented personal attacks about my maturity and dating preferences (the guy was Slightly older than me so people “advised” me that I wasn’t mature enough to date older men LOL). All assumptions and judgements based on one post, it was wild. The internet is already an ugly place, we don’t need one more ugly space and that certainly shouldn’t be connected to your brand.
I think that with a platform of this size one should either be completely honest and open about their beliefs (like fashionlush who I really like) OR keep politics completely out of it and stick to skincare, fitness etc. (For example, Michael as the “Him”of “Him and Her” posting lengthy stories about his opinion about masks, Covid and so forth is political in today’s climate). With a huge platform you can not have it both ways. Either be political and be honest or do not mention politics at all. There are a couple of huge influencers I follow for fashion and beauty and I have no idea what their political beliefs are. I can consume their content without thinking about politics and values, and this works for me. Then there are some like fashionlush that I feel also feel good about following because I happen to agree with her politics. Examine your values and decide if you Michael want to be political or not. This is the nature of having a huge platform and being in the public eye. There is no middle ground.
Thank you, a million times, for making this decision. I’m sad to see the group go, as it had been one of my favorite places on Facebook for a long time. However, you’ve always been someone I look up to in terms of following my gut. While I know this had to be a bummer for you in so many levels, I admire that you made the tough call because you felt was the right call. In doing so, you continue to be an inspiration. ? (You should probably send all of those meanies a discount code for your new vibrator. Maybe a few good orgasms will put them in a better mood or something!?)
Thanks for all you, Michael, and your teams do to empower and inspire women everywhere! We appreciate you!
This decision only makes me love you more. As others have said thank you for caring and for trying to reduce the massive amount of hate and negativity in our world today. Being a great leader means being able to make the tough decisions and that’s what you’ve done here. I’m so sorry to hear you and your family have been under attack but thank you for fiercely defending this space. All of the true fans will be here long after this ?
I’m sorry to see this go but understand the world is an ugly place. Wish we could build each other up and not tear each other down. Your family is beautiful and that beautiful little girl needs a strong momma to stand up and fight for what is right! I will be here whenever you decide to come back. Until then I guess ?
When I joined this group back in 2016 I was so happy I did because it felt like a place that I could just turn to when I needed any type of advice or wanted a distraction from life. So yes this last year and honestly even a little before that I wanted to delete it so many time because it just wasn’t the same. It became this place where you were judged for asking which picture to post or asking about plastic surgery. To be 100% honest I think the moment that people who were being added by others who didn’t even know who you were , was the moment everything went downhill. Think about it, all the people who follow you, read your blog, listen to your podcasts-are all like minded people in a way. Then when I would see comments like “whats the skinny confidential” or “who is Lauryn Evarts” we’re most of the time the same people who were brining this group down. If you were to reopen the group(which I am praying you do) I personally would like to see it be just people who follow you. Not allow others to enter. Yes it maybe mean, but that is when this group was the best.
Thank you for being so open, honest, and vulnerable. The times we are in are already so hard and many people are vulnerable. I appreciate you shutting it down for the hate and negativity it was breeding. And I’m so deeply saddened the angry women still come at you and that precious bebe. Love wins. Always. Keep doing what you are doing. xoxo – JS
I think you made the right decision. I would visit the TSC Facebook page daily (sometimes multiple times) and I found myself going to it less and less due to the negativity. Reading it started to put a damper on my mood.
Hopefully the page can be brought back in the future!
Love your outlook on life, and will continue to follow/read your blog/listen to the podcast!
Sad but wise decision. With the boundary you set hopefully the haters/negative people may take a look inside themselves and work on themselves to be better people.They are usually scared and hurt people so I pray they overcome their past and make a positive energy shift.
Listen, I get it. I went to the FB group to learn about using vibrators on your face and the pros and cons of vaginal steaming… I go to other channels to get my education on current events.
You made the right decision. Better to shut down the group than continue to allow people to be negative and hurtful. I know this was not an easy decision.
I admire your strength to make a tough decision and thank you for always lifting women up. You are in a hard position and I will continue to follow and support you because of your rational and caring actions. Thank you!
I am so proud of you!
I raise my glass to you. I’m grateful to be apart of all and positive, supportive community. And that’s how I align my energy daily. Much love.?
Lauryn, it pains me to see that people are attacking you and your family for shutting down the group. It was clearly the right decision and obviously a very difficult one. Thank you so much for the explanation.
Thank you for the explanation. I am very sad to see the group shut down, as I LOVED it for its intended purpose, but I completely understand and support your decision. I used it to ask for tips about highlighting my hair, getting my stubborn hair to hold curl, bring up challenging conversations with boyfriends, etc. This was my go-to resource. I will try and find another space for that (if anyone knows a good one, help a girl out!!). I have absolutely noticed the recent negativity in the group, and it breaks my heart. I honestly don’t know HOW so many people can have so much hate in their hearts for strangers. I feel like I don’t know people like this in my real life, and it mystifies me that it is so prevalent online, especially in groups that are designed to be upbeat. Keep doing what you do, and I look forward to if and when the group can resume. All the best to you and your beautiful family!
This was your choice to make. I support your decision. This is your creation & you get to decide how to use it.
I deleted my social media accounts because the negativity can be overwhelming for people suffering from mental health issues like myself. It’s no one else’s decision, and don’t let anyone guilt you about your decision to do what is best for you, and YOUR creation:) Thanks for everything!
Hiii Lots of love to you.. We are with you in every decision of yours..
Best thing to do especially during this crazy time ❤️ Thank you for sharing
You made the right decision. It’s sad that it had to come to this. ?
Completely agree! You did the right thing 🙂 <3 It’s sad how people can’t even agree to disagree anymore. You’re either in the “club” or your outcast. I hate bullies. Love you!
Thanks for making this post and I’m glad that you made the decision that was right for you – I would have done the same thing. Re: the haters – it sounds like people got used to the group being available, not recognising that it’s a privilege and not a right to have access to a TSC FB group. No one should be entitled to your time, your energy, or your Facebook group so I believe we should all appreciate the times that the group was good, look back on them fondly, and recognise that things changed. Ultimately as the creator of the group it’s absolutely your decision what you’re comfortable with… if someone else is comfortable with something different they can express that on their platform, their FB group, their Insta, there’s no reason for them to pressure you to host their hateful comments. Sending love and respect <3
Hi Lauryn, I am sad to see this group go. I understand your decision, but will miss the interaction with other women from all over the world. Hopefully this group can be revived in the future. Thank you for all you do! I sure do miss your YouTube videos. Will you be getting back on those?
Love this and I 1,000% agree with you decision #spreadlove
I loved this group so much and I really enjoyed going on and seeing everyone’s post daily. However, I do understand why you shut it down. I witnessed some of the horrible things women were saying to one another. We need to build each other up instead of tearing each other apart. Hopefully in time, we can restore the old group of love and positivity. I’m so sorry you’re receiving so much. Keep being a boss and an amazing mother!
Good Choice! It had gotten out of hand and full of hate.Started as a very cute girl group I loved and invited so many girls there to experience the positive vibes then it got so dark + negative. I honestly cried from the grossness. Thanks for making the right choice because I email you for the password to shut it down myself. XO
I was in the group and I totally support your decision. The group was a fun place where we shared lots of laughter, but then came the hate and it was sad to watch.
Sorry it got ruined by negativity, great job by closing the page and I’m sorry you’re dealing with all the crazies in your inbox. Maybe you can remind all the haters they are welcome to create their own Facebook Group, it’s free! 🙂
You made the right decision! I admire your ethics.
Give me a dog over people anyday
I was just thinking tonight how much I miss the Facebook group. I once spent hours talking to a girl from there that made me realize that it was time for me to let go of a toxic friendship that I had that would always bring me down. However, I don’t blame you for shutting it down. I’m so over the negativity in this world and we as women should be supporting each other. Lots of love to you and your beautiful family and I wish you a happy and healthy new year!!
Thank you got addressing this Lauryn! I totally understand why the Facebook group ultimately was shut down. While I loved the support I found in the group I did see a lot of negativity and out right hatefulness towards the end. I actually left the group before it was shut down do to it. Love you always girl! Totally stand behind your decision!