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Where focus goes energy flows. How to be a badass | by the skinny confidential

I GOT TO BE HONEST HERE: I went to Tony Robbins last week feeling overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed because my inbox is a real nightmare, I feel disorganized, friend/family stuff, work/life balance is crazed, & to be fucking honest here, I just have a lot on my plate. I always want to say YES YES YES, so sometimes that gets me in trouble, you know?


Basically I needed to take a step back & reflect…without the computer or e-mails or texts or messages or DM’s…or in my dad’s case, 2289374923874 hour-long voicemails ( Daddy, please no more voicemails- shoot me a voice text. HA! ).

Sometimes the issue with social media is things look effortless. Which is fine. It’s just the whole effortless thing can be tricky sometimes. I work weird- I bring my computer everywhere so sometimes life can appear cush when it’s actually nuts. Sometimes I have to explain to my friends/family that I know it looks like one thing but there’s actually stuff happening behind the scenes. Does that make sense? It’s kind of like in my bartending days ( which I will blog more about this week! ) where I would be behind the bar making a skinny margarita while simultaneously pretending to go to the bathroom to blog in the bathroom- LOL. Sometimes we don’t always see the whole landscape of the situation.

To be entirely transparent: I’m busy. I get overwhelmed. I have trouble balancing sometimes. Just like everyone. I want to practice sitting still. I want to get better & ‘turning off.’ I want to practice “balance.” ( WTF is balance anyway? My version is different from yours- everyone has a different definition of balance. So is balance bullshit? ). To sum it up, I get so overwhelmed sometimes I work myself up.

And maybe I’m just venting to you guys- who knows. I wanted to write these thoughts down for a while.

But let’s switch gears: THIS POST IS NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN. I’m just giving you context so you can understand where my head was at last week getting on a plane at 5 AM to New Jersey.

Let’s just say I was a tad frazzled.

Wait, stop though: you should also know I LOVE LIFE- no matter where I’m at, I always love life. I’ve been up, down, all around- I love life.

Like The Nanz used to tell me when I told her I was feeling anxious, “Lauryn, just look outside at the shrubs- & you’ll feel better.”

Now everyday, I love to look at the shrubs.

In fact, I love to look at the shrubs so much I found a tiny yoga studio with fabulous energy where the windows look right into the shrubs. I practice a lot in front of the shrubs & think about The Nanz a lot.

But really, I LOVE FUCKING SHRUBS. Like I look for shrubs every day, all day. It represents positivity. You should try it- it’s a real anti-depressant.

Anyway so yes, I love life- sometimes I get anxious, annoyed, overwhelmed, fearful- just like everyone!

Man, we are getting off track here. I guess I have a lot on my mind? Sometimes I just like to come to The Skinny Confidential & word vomit. Sometimes it’s not a pretty picture tied up in a bow. Sometimes it’s just my thoughts without the whole shebang- it is a blog & a blog is at many times, a stream of consciousness. Those are the posts I enjoy writing the most. I want to do more.

But back to New Jersey.

I arrived to Tony Robbins with an open-mind. Taylor of the blog, Sand and Sequins, was kind enough to streamline the whole event. She had set up everything. The second I met her, I liked her. Good energy- shrub-ish energy, you know? A genuinely sweet, smart girl who smiled ear to ear.

So the first day I did not know what to expect. I decided to put my phone away for pretty much the entire day…I don’t remember the last time I’ve done that!! Crazier things have happened though.

And I was pleasantly surprised- the 13 hour day was INSANE. It was intense. I laughed. I cried. I wrote. I reflected. I meditated. I listened. I listened more. I took notes. I cried again. I danced. I clapped. You can clap a lot. I walked on fire. I ate my first meal at 2 AM at McDonald’s ( Happy Meal, just cheese & meat, side of fries, with a kid’s Diet Coke- duh! ) because the day was so jam-packed. And then I hit the sack.

I would call it life-changing.

And before you judge, don’t. I’m not saying I’m completely transformed by the event, I’m saying I gained clarity.

I feel, well- enlightened. Is that the right word? I think it is.

The clarity was simple: every single feeling I have from here on out is up to me– if I feel overwhelmed it’s because of ME. No one else- not Michael, not e-mails, not business contacts, not friends, or family.

I choose, it’s MY choice.

So left I feeling open to the possibly of new possibilities. More in control of my emotions. Ready to tackle specific goals I wrote down ( you write a lot!! I learned a lot about myself- especially about my human needs ).

As Tony repeated throughout the event: WHERE FOCUS GOES, ENERGY FLOWS. 

My focus shifted in weekend. It’s shifted from “feeling overwhelmed” to feeling like a badass.

No more “oh you know, it’s hard to balance.” Or “I feel overbooked.” Blah, blah, blah.

Over it. Done with it. In the trash.

I’m the creator of my future. And so are you. You are in charge of you- we have one life– live it to its full potential. Do it on your terms.

Personally, I don’t want to waste one more minute feeling overwhelmed, frazzled, busy, etc. Like what a yawn when that energy can be channeled towards something much more powerful.

I should tell you this: Tony said if you experience negative feelings ( like feeling “overwhelmed ) to give yourself the 90 second rule to snap the F out of it. For the last few days, I give myself 90 seconds- & then I’m done with that overwhelmed feeling. I swear it works- try it.

Truthfully I feel re-energized. Like a second wind! It’s nuts.

Through Tony’s seminar I’ve realized that I have a choice every morning. I can wake up feeling a tad frazzled & overwhelmed or I can wake up feeling FUCKING GREAT & GRATEFUL & BADASS.



I am going to live my life by that quote…where focus goes, energy flows. My energy is flowing towards being a badass boss with a focus on love, connection, contribution, & fulfillment.

Anyway- if you want like a super detailed breakdown of the event, listen to the latest podcast.

How do you shift your focus? Has anyone else experienced a moment of clarity like this? Please share! 

With that, I’m going to lay on my badass acupressure pillow, read a badass book, & snuggle my badass dogs. Life is good.

I LOVE YOU GUYS, thanks for letting me word vomit! XO lauryn

  1. As I already commented on your Instagram, “Where focus goes, energy flows” has become my mantra this week. THANK YOU for sharing your Tony Robbins recap/experience and insight.

  2. Love this. It’s nice to read straight from the heart posts like these, especially when it’s sharing your personal experience! Thanks for the inspiration.

  3. I wake up, put on my makeup, walk into work, grab coffee and wait for Lauryn to surprise me, what will we talk about today!? This post gave me LIFE! Thank you for getting my energy flowing and channeling it into being the best version of me because it’s my choice. Thank you for the inspiration and now I want to go to Tony’s Seminar, Show whatever it was. You are the simply the BEST. xoxo Tiffany

  4. Related to this SOOO much today. I suffer with anxiety on a daily basis, and this literally describes how I feel all the time. I need reminders that I’m in control. Saving this and writing down reminders! Thanks Lauryn!

  5. Bloggers are workaholics like I’ve never known! It’s so hard to set boundaries for when your day is supposed to end, because the fact of the matter is, it’s exciting and you want to be apart of it! Having started my blog 7 weeks ago and coming up on 500 followers in such a short amount of time, It’s crazy how much my days have changed! Thank you for the reminder to relax and re-center!

  6. I don’t think I’ve ever commented – been reading your blog for years though. But I read through this and just loved it so much I had to tell you. I appreciate your openness and honesty in all of your posts and social media – you are SO REAL.

    And this? “Through Tony’s seminar I’ve realized that I have a choice every morning. I can wake up feeling a tad frazzled & overwhelmed or I can wake up feeling FUCKING GREAT & GRATEFUL & BADASS.”

    SO GOOD. So good.

    1. JO, SAME! I’ve been reading for years and don’t think I have ever commented either, but I just had to this time. Lauryn and Michael’s content has resonated so deeply within me recently that I can’t help but spring into action. It’s really invigorating and keeps me excited about moving forward with all the projects I have going on. Amazing!

  7. Lauryn! This blog post is everything! I LOVED it! I love the 90 second rule – I will be giving that a whirl for sure 😉

    Love your honesty and realness. Don’t ever stop!

  8. I lovvvvve this post!! I needed this perk up of energy in my life for sure <3 I also think shrub-ish might be my new favourite word. So much inspiration! I love it!

    ? Pia

  9. You’re so right! I get overwhelmed a lot too and that bogs me down. But everyday is a new one! I journal, and I have me time which means balance. I find having a balance and choosing to be positive works wonders on not feeling overwhelmed. Great blog!

  10. Grinning from ear to ear! This is such an amazing post and it felt so real when I thought it couldn’t get any more real than it already is on TSC. The shrubbery part made me misty-eyed. I will always look for shrubs now, what a beautiful symbol in life. You rock!

  11. The clarity was simple: every single feeling I have from here on out is up to me– if I feel overwhelmed it’s because of ME. No one else- not Michael, not e-mails, not business contacts, not friends, or family.

    Tattooing this on my face thanks.

  12. This post could not have come at a better time! I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed lately where I feel like I should get rid of some things from my plate BUT I love all these things I do. I definitely just need to take a mental breather and follow the 90 second rule because I remind myself that I’ve been through these times before and I get through them. The work gets done. The world doesn’t fall apart. But only if I keep calm and stay focused. Also – “Sometimes we don’t always see the whole landscape of the situation”. THIS. I think more people should be aware of this concept (including me) because it speaks so much to perspective. When we look at other people, we only see what they show and we translate that using our own biases – we do the same thing with ourselves. It is so important to be aware that we are not that person, we are not in their heads so before we form a judgement, we should stop and think “do I actually know that person? Is it necessary for me to make these judgments based on the 1 minute of their life that I see?”.

    Love your blog, Lauryn! Please do more posts like these. <3

  13. I LOVE THIS POST. Seriously, you rock. Moving to another european CITY definitely has me feeling a ZILLION emotions and you’ve basically summed it all up. But what is so crazy, is that you and Tony are 100% right. It’s up to YOU. It’s on you. Its such a simple concept!! But we forget. You’re completely in control of your day, how much you get done, and ultimately whatever is that you want in this life. <3 <3 <3

  14. This post is so similar to my own experience I’d almost swear I wrote it. I remember it sooo well. A 13 hour day, sick as a dog, but the energy fed my soul. I spent the entire four day weekend hungry… but not, if that makes any sense haha. But anyways.. all that to say… “your focus goes where energy flows,” was the mantra that stuck with me the most, right alongside “change your expectations to appreciation.” I use that mantra ALL the time when sharing with people how I have such a happy marriage, ten years later. So glad it was such a clarifying situation for you. My FIL does multiple Tony events every few years, as well as the business seminars. He’s even had dinner with Tony. 25 years later he still swears by Tony’s practices.

  15. Absolutely love, love, loved this blog post! Very helpful Lauryn.
    I’m definitely the same way when it comes to saying yes to everything. You just have to know that you can’t handle it all & you don’t have to accept it all either.

  16. Honestly, I’m still looking for ways to gain clarity & snap out of it. Everyday, is a day of growth and trying to find ways to get there. You couldn’t have said it better: “My energy is flowing towards being a badass boss with a focus on love, connection, contribution, & fulfillment.” Yes Yes Yes!

  17. Yes, 90 seconds to snap out of it and keep it moving! Can you repost the link to the acupressure pillow? The link seems to be not working on my end. Thx for keeping it 100 Lauryn!

  18. So the first day I did not know what to expect. I decided to put my phone away for pretty much the entire day…I don’t remember the last time I’ve done that!! Crazier things have happened though.

  19. My moment of clarity was at Tony’s Date with Destiny event! I realized that I was often doing things for others because I wanted them to value me. I wanted them to like me, love me, and find me an indispensable part of their life so that I wouldn’t be left. I never saw my own true value for being just who I am and nothing more. He really help me refine my vision of myself and to love myself and see my true worth. My life literally has never been the same!

  20. I have been following your stuff and I love it! I sometimes listen to Tony Robbins and the like on Youtube, either waking up to it or just before going to sleep. If I listen to them in the mornings, I am usually looking at my vision board which is on the opposite wall of my bed. That’s my motivation. I would love to see him live oneday though.

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  22. Love this so much and relate to so much of what you said…I am a bartender who sneaks into the bathroom to reply to comments on my Instagram. Thank you for being real…you look so perfect and put together so it’s nice to know we are all facing the same struggles. (At least, those of us who are trying to show up, be badass and make the world a better place!) Going to listen to your podcast about the Tony Robbins event…I plan to attend one soon! Oh, and I look at the sky instead of shrubs. But it has the same effect!

  23. This is just what I needed to read today! I’ve felt super unfulfilled in my job lately, and it’s gotten me feeling so down. But this post helped get me start to get out of that funk and start to focus my energy back on being a badass and thinking positive!

  24. I love how you said every single feeling I feel after this is up to me- nobody else. I’ve been starting to learn that lately and I feel like if you can master that, you can master anything. I had been wondering why I had felt so crappy for weeks, and I realized that it’s because I allowed myself to feel that way. And then one day, I just stopped. I decided I was going to make myself be happy, and it worked, and I’ve never looked back.

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