WHERE FOCUS GOES, ENERGY FLOWS.

I GOT TO BE HONEST HERE: I went to Tony Robbins last week feeling overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed because my inbox is a real nightmare, I feel disorganized, friend/family stuff, work/life balance is crazed, & to be fucking honest here, I just have a lot on my plate. I always want to say YES YES YES, so sometimes that gets me in trouble, you know?

WE ARE A WORK IN PROGRESS, RIGHT!

Basically I needed to take a step back & reflect…without the computer or e-mails or texts or messages or DM’s…or in my dad’s case, 2289374923874 hour-long voicemails ( Daddy, please no more voicemails- shoot me a voice text. HA! ).

Sometimes the issue with social media is things look effortless. Which is fine. It’s just the whole effortless thing can be tricky sometimes. I work weird- I bring my computer everywhere so sometimes life can appear cush when it’s actually nuts. Sometimes I have to explain to my friends/family that I know it looks like one thing but there’s actually stuff happening behind the scenes. Does that make sense? It’s kind of like in my bartending days ( which I will blog more about this week! ) where I would be behind the bar making a skinny margarita while simultaneously pretending to go to the bathroom to blog in the bathroom- LOL. Sometimes we don’t always see the whole landscape of the situation.

To be entirely transparent: I’m busy. I get overwhelmed. I have trouble balancing sometimes. Just like everyone. I want to practice sitting still. I want to get better & ‘turning off.’ I want to practice “balance.” ( WTF is balance anyway? My version is different from yours- everyone has a different definition of balance. So is balance bullshit? ). To sum it up, I get so overwhelmed sometimes I work myself up.

And maybe I’m just venting to you guys- who knows. I wanted to write these thoughts down for a while.

But let’s switch gears: THIS POST IS NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN. I’m just giving you context so you can understand where my head was at last week getting on a plane at 5 AM to New Jersey.

Let’s just say I was a tad frazzled.

Wait, stop though: you should also know I LOVE LIFE- no matter where I’m at, I always love life. I’ve been up, down, all around- I love life.

Like The Nanz used to tell me when I told her I was feeling anxious, “Lauryn, just look outside at the shrubs- & you’ll feel better.”

Now everyday, I love to look at the shrubs.

In fact, I love to look at the shrubs so much I found a tiny yoga studio with fabulous energy where the windows look right into the shrubs. I practice a lot in front of the shrubs & think about The Nanz a lot.

But really, I LOVE FUCKING SHRUBS. Like I look for shrubs every day, all day. It represents positivity. You should try it- it’s a real anti-depressant.

Anyway so yes, I love life- sometimes I get anxious, annoyed, overwhelmed, fearful- just like everyone!

Man, we are getting off track here. I guess I have a lot on my mind? Sometimes I just like to come to The Skinny Confidential & word vomit. Sometimes it’s not a pretty picture tied up in a bow. Sometimes it’s just my thoughts without the whole shebang- it is a blog & a blog is at many times, a stream of consciousness. Those are the posts I enjoy writing the most. I want to do more.

But back to New Jersey.

I arrived to Tony Robbins with an open-mind. Taylor of the blog, Sand and Sequins, was kind enough to streamline the whole event. She had set up everything. The second I met her, I liked her. Good energy- shrub-ish energy, you know? A genuinely sweet, smart girl who smiled ear to ear.

So the first day I did not know what to expect. I decided to put my phone away for pretty much the entire day…I don’t remember the last time I’ve done that!! Crazier things have happened though.

And I was pleasantly surprised- the 13 hour day was INSANE. It was intense. I laughed. I cried. I wrote. I reflected. I meditated. I listened. I listened more. I took notes. I cried again. I danced. I clapped. You can clap a lot. I walked on fire. I ate my first meal at 2 AM at McDonald’s ( Happy Meal, just cheese & meat, side of fries, with a kid’s Diet Coke- duh! ) because the day was so jam-packed. And then I hit the sack.

I would call it life-changing.

And before you judge, don’t. I’m not saying I’m completely transformed by the event, I’m saying I gained clarity.

I feel, well- enlightened. Is that the right word? I think it is.

The clarity was simple: every single feeling I have from here on out is up to me– if I feel overwhelmed it’s because of ME. No one else- not Michael, not e-mails, not business contacts, not friends, or family.

I choose, it’s MY choice.

So left I feeling open to the possibly of new possibilities. More in control of my emotions. Ready to tackle specific goals I wrote down ( you write a lot!! I learned a lot about myself- especially about my human needs ).

As Tony repeated throughout the event: WHERE FOCUS GOES, ENERGY FLOWS. 

My focus shifted in weekend. It’s shifted from “feeling overwhelmed” to feeling like a badass.

No more “oh you know, it’s hard to balance.” Or “I feel overbooked.” Blah, blah, blah.

Over it. Done with it. In the trash.

I’m the creator of my future. And so are you. You are in charge of you- we have one life– live it to its full potential. Do it on your terms.

Personally, I don’t want to waste one more minute feeling overwhelmed, frazzled, busy, etc. Like what a yawn when that energy can be channeled towards something much more powerful.

I should tell you this: Tony said if you experience negative feelings ( like feeling “overwhelmed ) to give yourself the 90 second rule to snap the F out of it. For the last few days, I give myself 90 seconds- & then I’m done with that overwhelmed feeling. I swear it works- try it.

Truthfully I feel re-energized. Like a second wind! It’s nuts.

Through Tony’s seminar I’ve realized that I have a choice every morning. I can wake up feeling a tad frazzled & overwhelmed or I can wake up feeling FUCKING GREAT & GRATEFUL & BADASS.

YES YES YES YES.

IF I HAD DRUMSTICKS LIKE TONY HAD I WOULD SLAP THEM TOGETHER TO THE BEAT OF THE SONG & HOP UP DOWN FOR YOU GUYS BECAUSE I’M FIRED UP.

I am going to live my life by that quote…where focus goes, energy flows. My energy is flowing towards being a badass boss with a focus on love, connection, contribution, & fulfillment.

Anyway- if you want like a super detailed breakdown of the event, listen to the latest podcast.

How do you shift your focus? Has anyone else experienced a moment of clarity like this? Please share! 

With that, I’m going to lay on my badass acupressure pillow, read a badass book, & snuggle my badass dogs. Life is good.

I LOVE YOU GUYS, thanks for letting me word vomit! XO lauryn