The Ladies Coach Shares Badass Relationship Tips

by
LAURYN

relationship advice | by the skinny confidential

A while ago my girlfriend, Alana, introduced me to Christal. Basically Christal is a badass chick who runs her own business called The Ladies Coach. I checked her out on YouTube & just thought she was amazing! I mean, she’s super spot on when it comes to relationships.

SO. I figured I had to share Christal’s tips/tricks with you guys. Whether you’re struggling through a tough relationship, about to get married ( eek! ), already married, or single & ready to mingle, these tips & tricks WILL resonate.

( My number one relationship tip would be, find your own independence ( remember this post? ) & also, gotta throw it in there: DON’T SETTLE ).

Anyway, Christal is full of love advice that every girl should know.

Also, I’d love if you guys shared your relationship advice below in the comment section. I have heard the most amazing tips from YOU. Seriously though, I read every single comment!

Ok, happy Sunday night reading…meet Christal:

| Introduce yourself/tell us what you do. |

Christal Fuentes: Hi ladies, my name is Christal Fuentes, I’m a Relationship Coach for women and the founder of The Ladies Coach, which is an online “platform” that gives women access to experts and tools that could make their life a little easier.

| An example of a healthy relationship? |

CF: What I always say is, “The relationship you have with yourself sets the foundation for the relationships you have with others.”

A healthy intimate relationship starts with YOU! Because your standards begin with YOU!

1.| You want respect? You must first RESPECT yourself.

2.| You want to be loved for who you are? You must appreciate and love who you are FIRST.

3.| You want someone who has common values? You have to get to know what those values are FIRST.

4.| You want to be able communicate your needs? You need to FIRST open up that dialogue within, WITHOUT judgment.

5.| You want a PASSIONATE sex life? You have to be able to stop the war you have on your body…. (Yes, ladies I’m talking to YOU!) Your body is beautiful where she is. Appreciate her!

By the way… those are five SOLID keys to a healthy relationship, but notice that they ALL begin with YOU!

You must build that foundation FIRST, because in order to give and receive love, you have to really love who you are and be connected to what you are able to offer.

relationship advice | by the skinny confidential

| An example of an unhealthy relationship? |

CF: An unhealthy/toxic relationship is any relationship based off FEAR.

Whether you are staying in a relationship because you don’t want to be alone, or because you are AFRAID to leave, they are both relationships that are controlled by fear.

But the problem is, when we don’t have a baseline standard for what we will allow from others, we won’t REALIZE that we are in toxic relationships. Most people in toxic relationships have lived in toxicity for so long that they don’t see the danger toxic relationships play.

The next question I will be answering is VERY important if you do realize you are in a FEAR based relationship, but first, here are some examples so you get more of an idea…

If you are afraid to leave a relationship for ANY reason, you are in a fear based relationship.
If you find yourself feeling jealous and untrusting of your mate, you are in a fear based relationship.
If you constantly fight or argue in order to bring temporary passion or even to get attention, you are in a fear based relationship.
If you are unable to truly be yourself, you are in a fear based relationship.
If you are disrespectful to each other either verbally, emotionally or physically, you are in a fear based relationship.
If you do things for your partner hoping for a “return,” you are in a fear based relationship.
If you are afraid of your partner, you are in a fear based relationship.
If you cringe at the thought of communicating your feelings to a significant other, you are in a fear based relationship.

| Advice for someone who’s in a relationship that’s suffocating & poisonous? |

CF: Here is a quote I want you to remember that comes from a teacher I look up to, Tony Robbins… (I might be misquoting it a bit but the point is the same).

“You will stay in a relationship you feel treats you BETTER than how you treat yourself.”

…Let that sink in a bit…

Again, how we treat ourselves sets the STANDARD of how others will treat us, and if we think they treat us BETTER, we will stay in toxic relationships MUCH longer than we need to.

If you or a friend is in an unhealthy relationship, here are few questions I’d like you to answer:

What feeling am I trying to achieve? Example: Is it feeling wanted? Is it fear of being alone?

What top 3 emotions do I feel consistently through this relationship? Are there new feelings I can replace these with?

What 2 things can I start doing now to connect with myself in positive ways and feel MORE of what I want to feel without depending on my relationship?

These questions certainly don’t fix the relationship, but it’s a start to building communication and connection to yourself. Self-dialogue is powerful ladies, so it is important to understand what thoughts & questions are going through our mind.

The more loving and powerful we get with those, the more love and connection we build with ourselves.

relationship advice | by the skinny confidential

| Best tip when it comes to having a happy relationship? |

CF: You have to LIKE the person you are with. Everyone thinks LOVE is most important but the key to really sustaining a healthy relationship is to “like” who they are. I mean, why do we hang around our besties? Because we LIKE who they are and how they make us feel right?

We aren’t forced to be friends with them because we “love” them, we are friends with them because we like the people they are and how they amplify our life. The same should go with your significant other!

When you are best friends, you can open up the communication and allow freedom in your relationship…& that just feels happy!

relationship advice | by the skinny confidential

| Something a woman can do for a man to make them feel special? |

CF: Ladies, appreciate your man!

If you have a good man, he just wants to make you happy, it really is that simple.

The masculine energy just wants to feel purposeful and feel appreciated for what he brings to the relationship. Every guy is different though so it is YOUR job to find what ways HE likes to be celebrated.

| Best way to communicate your feelings to guy? |
CF: Wheew! Communication with a guy is SOOOO different than communicating to our fellow ladies. We can’t expect our guy to be “hairier women,” but we often times EXPECT them to understand and communicate the same way our girlfriends do…. And the truth is THEY CAN’T!

With that said, here are 3 things to remember before communicating your feelings:

♡ Leave your ego at the door: This goes for both partners but when we come into a discussion with our ego’s strapped on, we set the other person up for failure immediately. Especially if, God forbid, they say something wrong! Haha!

♡ Be clear about what you want to express: I know this is hard ladies, especially because we are emotional creatures but we have to remember, our men can’t follow along like our girlfriends can! They will loose focus if it’s not clear what you are asking.

♡ Understand their intentions: The KEY to any successful communication is to understand their intentions. But that goes out the window with our significant others because we hold such HIGH expectations of them. Always keep in mind that ( a good man ) will always have your best interests at heart and will only want to serve you. If you remember this, it will allow you to feel more open and safe to him. And a man LOVES to be able to make you feel safe!

| One word to describe a healthy, functioning relationship? |

CF: Peaceful.

+ Follow Christal on Instagram.

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  1. Deepti @ Endless Postcards

    Yes! I definitely think the whole point of being in a relationship is having somebody who makes you a better YOU and who you can truly be yourself around but still grow with. To truly love somebody else (and accept that you are deserving of their love), you have to find self-love and respect for yourself as well. Great post!

    xo, endlesspostcards.com
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  2. Miyagi Mermaid

    Ahhh so good! I was sold with “Ego at the door”. That’s so so so true. 9/10 times my husband makes me mad it isn’t because he is being mean or whatever, it’s because he isn’t pandering to my ego. My relationship with him is a lesson in becoming humble and really, a better human.

    You can’t have a good relationship without trust, and if you can’t trust you can’t hope for a good relationship. Simple but true. I’ve inherited some of the insecurities I grew up watching my mother place on my father and sometimes I do fear even without reason. But learning to trust my husband has been nothing but positive so far.

    Thanks for sharing this!

    Reply
  3. Sara Hadar

    These are all so true! I wholeheartedly agree with the need to be independent and never settle in a relationship. Aside from those two, I also think support & understanding are really important in a relationship. I think it’s also important for a significant other to challenge you to be the best version of yourself.
    Sara Hadar recently posted..BDLD: What is it?My Profile

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  4. Amanda Waltman

    I love this! Especially about communication because there are so many times I feel like my husband should understand when I’m venting but he immediately tries to fix the situation. And I get it, guys DO respond differently than women would. It’s like that nail in the head YouTube video. I don’t know if you’ve seen it but it’s hilarious! It’s just good to remember that he’s trying to help the way he knows how!
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    1. Angela @ Food Angel

      Don’t worry- there’s hope Amanda! It took my husband like a year when we were dating, but after some honest convos he finally realized I don’t want him to fix the situation when I’m venting and he totally changed. And now I make sure I DO go to him with problems that he can fix, so it works for both of us 🙂
      Angela @ Food Angel recently posted..The Halo Glow Green SmoothieMy Profile

    2. Lauryn Post author

      Thanks for reading Amanda. Something I think works for me and M regarding communication: Before you talk to him about whatever you’re thinking about, stop and think about how a man might think about it, then talk to him. I swear even just considering it helps! Men think differently, they can’t help it!

      xx <3
      Lauryn recently posted..THE ONE PILL I TAKE EVERY.SINGLE.DAY (!!!)My Profile

  5. Tamara

    I wholeheartedly agree with all of these sentiments! <3 <3 <3
    I had a relationship epiphany last week where I realized the problems I was having had nothing to do with my boyfriend or how he treated me, and everything to do with myself and how I treated me. I feel like I am free to love myself and love him, and my relationship is so much happier and peaceful since I have been able to turn off the blame game, jealousy, and anger. I am reminded to love myself, to be independent, and to be happy, and it really is as simple as that for the rest to fall in place.
    X-
    Tamara

    Reply
  6. Meg

    I am obsessed with this post… I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few years now and we’ve had a LOT of rough patches but it’s taught me the most important lessons and that’s what’s made us stronger. First… I think having something semi routinely to do together is important. Whether it’s a gym date, dinner, coffee, going for a walk, whatever, it’s important to share time and make that time be quality. I’m the worst at turning of my phone but it’s that special time together that makes the relationship grow and last. Second is TRUST. If you can’t trust the person you’re with then they aren’t the one for you. Whatever will be, will be. So stop the worrying and trust that your partner won’t hurt you, and if they do, be thankful they showed their true colors and be confident in yourself moving forward <3
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  7. angie

    I wish I knew what to do. I’m with someone who is toxic, but so am I.

    He has led me to believe that I am schizophrenic, through treating me with the same distance as my parents did. I fear judgement, doing wrong or not being good enough. I have long felt this fear, though I find it subsides when I am single and for the first few weeks of the relationship.

    Biggest dilemma, he’s just like me. I cannot separate the love and mercy I have for myself for the love I have for him. I care for, love but don’t like him. He makes me laugh and smile, but quite largely at My expense. We have been homeless for about a year, he has protected, loved and supported me to the point of sleeping in bushes, cars and parks, staying for each other.

    It has been confusing, “he wouldn’t go through that if he didn’t love me”, yet he jokes about “if you get too comfortable, you’ll get lazy, I have to keep you on your feet, in reference to our situation.

    I feel like I am either being severely and shamefully gaslit or that my partner is just so childlike and predisposed that I am fighting a loosing battle.

    He had improved, he isn’t as degrading, demoralising or inconsiderate as before, but still is a typical child (although he is 29), who is both endearing and frustrating. I feel like a mum.

    Some days we wish to leave each other, then consider the bigger picture wherein I’ve never met another person who understands me, though I feel that understanding is only used to his advantage.

    We have supported each other emotionally and both come from no home, illicit work and bad habits, to both being sober, a roof over our heads temporarily and both have jobs.

    I will never know if I owe that to support or my/his own agitation towards the situatio, using work as an escape.

    The bottom line is simply, I feel like pure evil. He isn’t a bad person, and my jujudgement will literally kill him. I know I’m not responsible for another’s suicide, but I feel trapped.
    Worst part, he yells and freaks out if I try to communicate this. Resulting in him usually smashing his phone or something expensive and annoying to be without, and I have to apologise and stop “having a go at him”.

    I’m so close to running away. Perhaps the noncommunication is a way to keep me longer, as I’d have left months ago if I could get to the understanding of “why all this”, “why exacerbate pain”.

    I feel selfish. He probably sees me the exact same.
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    1. Christal Fuentes

      First, Thank you for reading Angie… And, I’d like to applaud you for ACKNOWLEDGING that you are IN FACT in a toxic relationship. That really is the first part, but Im going to give you a little tough love.

      You did a complete circle in your message. You went from acknowledging the truth to DEFENDING the truth. The truth doesn’t need defending it needs to be told, and the truth is you have allowed yourself to settle, not just with your relationship but mostly with yourself. YOU are the cause of all the good and bad in your life and relationships because you set that standard. Know one can make you feel bad without your permission.

      Remember what I said before, “We stay in relationships we feel treat us BETTER than how we treat ourselves.”

      The reasons you gave for staying in this relationship will NOT do your spirit justice babe. But you already knew that, so what I’d suggest is for you to UNCOMPLICATE the story you’ve created about your life/relationship. What you wrote above was very complicated and full of justification. In order for you to become clear about what you should do, you have to de-clutter this story and that comes from not justifying the truth. Tell it like it is. Don’t make it worse or better just the truth. And you see if its something you want to “settle” with.

      Something I always say is, “our relationships will continue to be complicated if we have to make excuses for why we aren’t being treated right.” Please remember that babe because the truth is, you DESERVE to be loved fully! … But that love MUST begin with YOU!
      Christal Fuentes recently posted..How Can I LOVE Myself When I Don’t Really Like Myself?My Profile

    2. Lauryn Post author

      Angie, PLEASE listen to Christal’s advice below. She is a total expert and the advice/tough love she is giving you shouldn’t be ignored. I’m worried about you babe!

      As Christal mentioned, it might be time to UNCOMPLICATE your situation and stop coming from a place of fear.

      Remember to respect yourself always.

      Sending you love and positive vibes! xx <3
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  8. Shirly

    Finding this post has been timely. Recently I’ve come to realise how important loving yourself really is. A lot of times we think the problem is with the other person, when in fact if we look at how we treat ourself, we’ll find that others are just echoing what we are thinking and feeling about us. I’m on a journey of discovering about myself and what I like. So far it’s been very insightful and one of the benefits is that I’m meeting people who are and likes similar things I like. Since finding out about me, there seems to be a new world opening up…including finding this post. Thank you.
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  9. Krista Williams

    If you have a good man, he just wants to make you happy, it really is that simple.

    The masculine energy just wants to feel purposeful and feel appreciated for what he brings to the relationship. Every guy is different though so it is YOUR job to find what ways HE likes to be celebrated.

    — That was EVERYTHING.

    It’s so damn true! My boyfriend is so simple, kind and loving, and truly in every situation, just wants to make me happy. Sometimes, because I feel like I’m more complicated than he, I feel like it’s impossible for someone to just want to make the other happy all the time, but it’s true. A good guy is just a good guy wanting to make the woman he loves happy. Justin, my bf, just needs simple aknowledgement, and appreciation, and he’s good to go.

    If only we were that simple hehe.

    Thank you for this, I loved to read!

    xx
    Krista

    http://www.hundredblog.com

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  10. KIM l.

    This read is exactly what I NEEDED after a stressful week thinking about many things, including my relationship! Thank you for sharing! 🙂 My day has been made.

    Reply
  11. Your X Back Review

    You need to keep the romance alive in a new relationship. You should try to have a date night every week to keep the romance factor high. Try taking a weekend getaway together every month or so. Take up a fun weekly hobby together. Fun activities are a great way to keep the relationship blossoming and boredom-free.

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  12. Daniel Chapman

    This is a really great post. I married 2 year ago. I love my wife and she love me. Your post is very beautiful. I like your content information. Thank you for share a beautiful post.

    Reply
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