Getting All Taylor Swift-y On TSC Today: Let’s Talk Break Ups

by
LAURYN

The Skinny Confidential talks breakups.

We’ve all been there.

You know, sobbing over some asshole who decided one day he’s completely over it. So there you are, perched gargoyle waiting for his call, crying, with snot pouring out your nose thinking that your life is for sure over.

(( If you haven’t been there, then you’re one lucky bitch )).

I can remember vividly when my high school boyfriend decided to make out with another girl ( dickhead ) at some stupid under-aged, parent’s out of town, kegger.

To sum it up, I was absolutely devastated, lost 10 pounds ( break ups are fab for weight loss! LOL ), & was constantly saying “OMG, I couldn’t go on without him!!!”

HA.

Teenage heartbreak, right?

Shockingly life did go on.

GASP!!!!

In fact, I was OK. I lived!! Phew.

As Oprah once said:

The Skinny Confidential talks breakups.

Ok, so how did I live through my break up(s)?

Whelp, my grandma gave me the best advice…EVER.

It’s the simplest piece of advice but it seriously works SO well when you’re going through something that encompasses your whole life.

She said: “you need to get outside yourself.”

So what does that mean exactly?

When going through life’s tough curveballs, people tend to be in their head.

Sound familiar?

For me, I would retreat inside myself. So when I was younger I would think “OMG poor me…I’m feeling this…I’m sad because of that…this is going to be so bad for me.”

This is why my grandma’s advice was spot on:

The Skinny Confidential talks break-ups.

Getting outside yourself means getting interested in other things besides what you’re dealing with internally.

This could mean gardening, helping a friend, donating time to an animal shelter, cooking a meal for someone, reading a book, starting up a new business venture, hiking with a family member, writing, &/or doing something that’s bigger than you & your problem.

Does that make sense?

Instead of thinking ‘me, me, me,’ think “what can I do that’s bigger than me?”

When your attention is focused away from yourself, amazing things can go down.

My grandma was pretty spot on, right?!


The Skinny Confidential talks breakups.

No doubt about it, going through a break up is rough shit. But re-directing your focus can completely change the game. It takes the light off the asshole who F-ed you over & puts the light on the bigger picture.

So my advice: if you’re going through a break-up, try to ‘get interested.’

Also, get a voo-doo doll & pretend it’s your ex & stab its heart.

Kidding. Kind of.

Anyway, how do you get outside yourself?

xx//lauryn

34 comments | Leave a Comment +

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

  1. AvatarCierra

    HA! Loved this. Especially the part about the voodoo doll 😉

    That is really fantastic advice. You can easily apply that to every and any obstacle you face. No need to have an existential crisis when you can be doing something “bigger than you” Way to go, grams!

    Reply
  2. AvatarKaylin @ Enticing Healthy Eating

    Oh, I definitely understand. I’m one who tends to overthink situations and what people have said/done when I converse with them so I have to find ways to distract myself to get my mind to shut the hell up! To put it bluntly…haha. Baking and cooking have always been ways to allow my mind to quiet itself, but also walking in beautiful nature scenery tends to do the trick.

    Reply
  3. AvatarChelsea

    I threw myself into Pure Barre – the physical pain far surpassed the emotional pain and it was an awesome new challenge to distract me as I went through that rough patch.

    Reply
  4. AvatarLindsey

    This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. Not necessarily a breakup, but I’ve been stuck in the cycle of loser after loser, asshole after asshole guy in my life. It really takes a toll on ya! My favorite thing to do lately is to get outside/to the gym as much as possible. I recently took up yoga and that helps a lot, too! 🙂
    Lindsey recently posted..More Hiking PicsMy Profile

    Reply
  5. AvatarLala

    During my most recent breakup, which was incredibly complicated due to the fact we were best friends living in a small town, I had a day of sulking and feeling sorry for myself before my girl friends helped show me that life was okay without him by taking me on daily adventures (hiking, zip lining, crossing things off the bucket list) and I put myself out there and met new people and made new friends. I quickly learnt that it was the best thing that could’ve happened!
    Lala recently posted..Then and NowMy Profile

    Reply
  6. AvatarThe Accidental Mama

    I always found stopping and focusing on my long term goals and figuring out what I wanted out of life and going after my goals was always the best way of getting over a boy. And eventually, when I focused on myself, I became happy without a boy and then I found the perfect one. Happiness and self-worth lets off the most beautiful glow.
    xoxo
    The Accidental Mama
    http://www.theaccidentalmama.com
    The Accidental Mama recently posted..What’s Going On October 2014My Profile

    Reply
  7. AvatarCarla

    I think the most important thing is to keep doing certain things for yourself IN a relationship. That way, it’s not the whole world that falls apart when you break up with somebody. Even though I’m happily married and of course expect my marriage to last, I still go on holiday alone too, I still attend courses alone, I have friends my husband does not even know personally etc.

    Reply
  8. AvatarCourtney Violet Bentley

    So true! I always found it easy to get over friends, boyfriends and life changes by focusing on a new project whether it was trying to be a DJ (o lord) or trying to be a gogo dancer (lol) it all helped in the long run because I was able to focus on something else outside of my problem and all of my crazy life ventures helped me cope with life changes and created the crazy cool individual I am today! Thanks for sharingxo C
    Courtney Violet Bentley recently posted..A Piece of Fitness FashionMy Profile

    Reply
  9. AvatarSara

    Great advice! When my college boyfriend and I broke up (we had been planning on getting married… It was a rough one) I took advantage of my extra time by filling out job apps in my favorite cities across the U.S. Which lead to my moving to Nashville. Months later when he called me wanting to get together it felt so good to say that I couldn’t because I was 8 hours away living I my dream city working at my dream job… And he was still living at home with his parents!

    Sara
    506miles
    Sara recently posted..Checking out earlyMy Profile

    Reply
  10. AvatarChrissy @Pink Polish and Running Shoes

    To get outside of myself I try to force myself to become interested in other things whether it’s my blog or my job or some new project. If I’m active and indulging my creativity it’s easier to keep moving forward than wallow over whatever has happened.

    Reply
  11. AvatarAlex

    This is so very true! Whenever something bad happens, I always find myself trying to fill my time with things that make me happy. I recently went through a breakup after nearly two years and today I’m starting to volunteer at a local no-kill shelter because I know it’s something good I can do with my time (and who doesn’t want to play with puppies all day?). You have to learn that is “your time” and do whatever you can do become the best you on your own. What a great post! 🙂
    Alex recently posted..Confessions of a Tea AddictMy Profile

    Reply
  12. AvatarMarina Yege

    I dance ballet just to think about something else not the problem that was bordering me.

    Reply
  13. AvatarAmber

    Keeping busy is really the best way to distract yourself while you’re still in the mourning phase. During the biggest heartbreak of my life, I didn’t think I was going to make it. I let myself go for a while. Then my best friend send me a plane ticket to join her in Europe for a month. I almost didn’t go, but she gave me a good wake up call by reminding me that there were still incredible people in my life who loved me and supported me. I was a bit slow getting back on my feet, but by the second week of our AMAZING trip, I was back to my old self. Getting away with a person/people who are rock solid in my life is my medicine. It is so important to remember who was there before the stupid boy!

    Reply
  14. AvatarGenya

    This is great advice not just for breakup but for any kind of difficult situations in life…keep busy, take a new hobby, spend more time with your family, do more exercise to boost your confidence…
    I also find from personal experience that when you have tough times and you feel like your heart is broken, tell yourself that it’s bad now, but it will get better trw…I do believe in the power pf self-conviencing – repeat 100 times that you will be fine trw and most likely you will indeed feel better!
    Genya recently posted..Autumn Wish ListMy Profile

    Reply
  15. AvatarCaitlin

    This post made my morning- and the comments that go along with it! I’m going through an incredibly rough break-up right now… Someone above talked about breaking up with their college boyfriend who they planned on marrying and that’s my situation… plus long distance for the past 2 years and living somewhere I don’t want to because of him. I’ve been in such a rut and trying to stay positive and this post definitely helped remind me to stay strong and think of the big picture! This blog and all you ladies are amazing 🙂

    Reply
  16. AvatarAlli

    This is so good! I feel like it can be applied to a lot of things. Personally I’m recovering from an eating disorder and I’ve been fucking up a lot recently. Some.of these quotes and things you’ve said really made me remember what I was doing when I was doing well.
    :::Thanks Lauryn!

    Reply
  17. AvatarKelsey

    I believe in balance-so after I got my heart stomped on I decided to reflect about how much time I had invested into this person & where I could now spend that time. So, half the time I was in my head sorting things out and the other half was spent going out and experiencing life/being social. I tried not to neglect my feelings and definitely spent time thinking about what had transpired, but also didn’t want to spend every waking hour thinking about it. I read a book for the first time in forever (sad I know), planned to go skydiving, went to concerts, planned a trip to South Africa, started going on dates-even with people who were outside my comfort zone-, asked other people out on dates, made new friends, and looked at the blessings and positives that came out of the situation. Heck, my grandma got divorced in the 60s when that was not something people did-she picked my mother and aunt up, sold the house and all her belongings and went to Paris for a year with them, then came back and got her skydiving license. She’s amazing-& hearing her stories and turning to friends around me reminded me that I am amazing too and that life goes on. Getting a swift kick to the heart was crappy and there were days I wish that didn’t happen, but in a weird way I believe it also allowed me to connect to others more so in that it taught me how to be there for my friends and others who go through this. We all fall down every now and then and need some help rising back up. Might as well have fun on the ride back up right? Thank you for your posts & writings Lauryn-I enjoy reading them and they are very helpful! 🙂

    Reply
  18. AvatarAna

    I love your post. Your grandma is a wise person. Tell her that I love how she thinks. I absolutely love your writing style. I felt like you were talking to me and like you really wanted me to feel OK about my situation.

    Reply