( 1:30 ): Welcome to TSC Him & Her Show hosted by myself & my husband, Michael Bosstick. We’re interviewing Dr. Dennis Gross. We’re discussing skincare routines, botox, filler, preventing aging and the biggest mistake people make in their skincare routine.
( 3:00 ): We’re in Aspen right now skiing and working. Expect a blog post on how to travel and maintain your productivity.
( 8:50 ): HER TIP: Peel Pads. They help with hyper pigmentation and tighten the skin.
( 11:30 ) Dr. Dennis Gross is one of the top skincare doctors in the world. Brown spots, wrinkles, acne, the works. He’s a board certified dermatologist and surgeon on 5th Ave. in New York. He utilizes state of the art technology in order to prevent, correct and protect patient’s skin by creating a specialized plan for each client.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS WITH DR. DENNIS GROSS
( 13:10 ): Lauryn asks: “Introduce yourself & tell us about your brand.”
( 14:35 ): Lauryn asks: “What are the hero ingredients?”
( 17:20 ): Lauryn asks: “What is your recommendation when you’re hungover?”
( 19:15 ): Michael asks: “How did you get into skincare?”
( 22:10 ): Lauryn asks: “What are you doing on a day-to-day basis in the office?”
( 26:15 ): Lauryn asks: “What should we use on a sun mustache?”
( 27:50 ): Michael asks: “What would you tell someone who’s just starting to pay attention to their skin regime?”
( 30:45 ): Michael asks: “What do you suggest to reverse skin damage?”
( 34:05 ): Lauryn asks: “How many units of botox do you suggest?”
( 35:40 ): Lauryn asks: “Let’s talk injectables and lips.”
( 40:20 ): Lauryn asks: “How can you tell if you should use restalyne or juveaderm?”
( 42:30 ): Lauryn asks: “Under eye circles with filler what are your thoughts?”
( 44:25 ): Lauryn asks: “What are some dangers to filler?”
( 46:50 ): Lauryn asks: “Are there any trends that you like or dislike right now?”
( 50:00 ): Lauryn asks: “How bad is the sun for your skin?”
( 54:00 ): Lauryn asks: “What do you recommend for protecting your hands and neck?”
( 56:25 ): Michael asks: “What are 3 easy things our audience should start with?”
( 57:45 ): Lauryn asks: “Where can someone go to learn more about all of this skincare?”
( 1:002:05 ): Lauryn asks: “Does the peel work for acne?”
( 1:002:30 ): Lauryn asks: “What can we do for inflammation?”
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SO what did you guys think? Dr. Dennis really knows his stuff. Put your driving gloves on and get ready for some of the best skin ever.
If you rate the podcast & send a screenshot of your review to email@example.com you’ll get my 5 secret beauty tips!
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Two years ago I was combing through the Internet & stumbled upon Jackie Schimmel of The Bitch Bible which provoked me to actually wake Michael from his slumber & tell him that this girl I randomly found was going to be a superstar comedian.
“Michael?” I ask, but really it’s an order, “you need to read this girl’s blog. She wrote Leo a suicide letter because he’s decided to marry Gisele Bündchen.”
::Michael stares at me like I’m psycho ( which I am )::
“Please just read it.”
::Chuckles, grunts, points, grins::
Etc. You get it.
So ya, I guess the truth of the matter is I “met” Jackie by stalking her.
Wait, if you don’t know who Jackie is- do yourself a favor & subscribe to her podcast. It will really take you over the edge. You will pee your pants, cry laughing. She’s a hoot. Wanna stalk her even more? Please do. Read her blog.
( If you’re wondering: the Leo letter is signed with: “Worst of luck to both of you. My heart will not go on. You fucking let go Jack.” Sincerely, Jackie ).
Yes that is right, she’s pure comedy. She’s also very witty AND pretty. Oh, & also COOL. I like her a lot.
Anyway, Michael & I were guests on her podcast this week & we did a little ( LIGHT? CASUAL? TRADITIONAL? ) wedding recap. You know, what brides do. She recapped her recent wedding…& then we went into our psychotic wedding freak-out stories.
Michael was a part of the convo too & I feel like he was a bit…skittish? Oh well- sucks for him. I’ve been on her podcast too once before. So be sure to listen to both.
Now with that I’ll intro you to Jackie- get ready because she gets straight to the point.
+ Introduce yourself, tell us everything.
Hi! I’m Jackie Schimmel. Dog mother, perpetually constipated, dirty martini connoisseur, embellishment lover, and amateur “writer” & podcast host.
+ You’re a podcast queen; it’s a shitload harder than it looks. Tell us what goes into it.
It’s a lot of fucking work.
One of my biggest struggles initially was trying to figure out how to speak my mind without alienating large groups of people. Everyone & their gay brother has a podcast these days so it’s important to be unique and provide something different. I try to be mindful of who is listening, why they are listening and what will keep people listening. I try not to over think it and just say whatever the hell I want and hope I don’t get into trouble with my Human Resources department…or Legal.
+ Tell us about your blog— the content is hysterical.
I have always been a very overly opinionated person & started the blog to purge myself of really ridiculous feelings in essay form about Gwyneth Paltrow & kitten heels. It definitely represents the popular yet unpopular opinion. It’s incredibly aggressive and offensive but so authentic and funny ( complimenting myself #unlikeable ).
I am someone who has disproportionately intense reactions to insignificant things & the blog gave me the perfect portal to unleash my bitchy beast. I pride myself on saying what other people are thinking but have enough dignity not to say out loud or publish on the internet.
+ I call Michael Susan when he’s acting up, coincidentally you call your husband ( Andrew ), Angela. How did he earn his name?
Angela is very particular. She pretends to know a lot about wine, gets photo facials, Keratin treatments, & is just generally worried about EVERYTHING. Angela has major anxiety issues and I just CAN’T WITH HER. Literally picking out a suit with him is like Sophie’s Choice.
I am obsessed with him and he is so cute I want to kill him but Angela needs to RELAX. I know that Angela is primarily my wrongdoing and I take accountability for that.
+ I know you talk about your wedding on the latest podcast but give us a sneak peak?
We got married this May in Palm Springs. We wanted somewhere close enough to make a quick trip but far enough to alienate distant relatives ( sorry ). We wanted it to feel like a vacation for our guests, like a bougie summer camp and Palm Springs is the perfect spot. I was super adamant about making it as fabulous and not overly bridey. I would have curb stomped somebody if I saw an inch of burlap or a mason jar. Our vibe was all white, acrylic, & flamboyant without anything frilly.
Like Liberace and Kanye West threw a party.
+ Clearly you’re amazing at comedy, any tips for someone who wants to break into the comedy, podcast, blogger industry?
My best advice is to not filter yourself and never be too insular. Sharing private details helps people get to know you which is important, but you never want to bore people with the daily woes of your life. That’s too self-indulgent; people have diaries for a reason.
It’s like telling a table full of people about the dream you had the night before. No one gives a shit unless it relates to them personally. It’s so important to remember that if you want to make a business from comedy, ultimately you are providing entertainment and content not self-relief. Also remember that you are your best material. I think in order to make fun of anyone or anything you HAVE to make fun of yourself more, otherwise you seem bitter and hypocritical.
+ Couldn’t agree with you more. You look amazing. PLEASE TELL US YOUR SECRETS.
That’s very nice & very generous. I have spent years setting the bar low so that I can get a real reaction when I put slightly more effort into my appearance. I try to eat what I love, drink what I love ( moderately ), dress in clothes I love, surround myself with people who I love and I feel like that self-indulgence translates.
It’s so important to live moderately & find that balance of deprivation and going off the walls. I cook dinner Sun-Thurs so I can eat what I want and make small alterations so I don’t gain 450 lbs but still get my pasta because gluten feeds my soul.
And laugh…a lot, it’s so much cuter than crying. Happy people look better. It’s the truth.
+ You’re sent to a far off island, who are you bringing? Andrew ( husband ) or Leo ( dog/BF )?
Leo. No hesitation.
If he could afford me I’d voluntarily live on an island alone with him. I am obsessed with him. It takes all my self-control not to actually suffocate him because normal loving affection just isn’t enough, I want to be one flesh. It’s like platonic beastiality but not because he is basically a human.
He is so sexy it hurts my insides. Obsessed.
+ Best beauty tip…ever?
I will be honest, I am no beauty guru. Lipgloss & mascara go a LONG way let me tell you. It sounds cliché but I truly believe less is more. I am so over the transforming make up trends, it’s too much work and such a bad export of time and energy. I think it’s more important to work on your canvas than the artwork so I NEVER fall asleep with makeup on and use tons of moisturizer.
Before you learn to bake your face ( what the hell IS that? ) learn how to stick to a great skin regimen. You don’t have to spend a fortune on products ( except eye cream ) just be vigilant with your routine. I would fall asleep in full body Spanx before falling asleep with one hint of makeup on. I also LIVE for rosewater you can spray pre or post makeup. It tones, hydrates and women in my family SWEAR by it.
+ Best piece of advice you’ve ever received ( go crazy here ):
I am very selective with advice and only take it from a very selective group of people. I always say to be self-aware, listen to yourself ( because no one knows you/ wants better for you ) OR people who really know what they are talking about. I wouldn’t ask Helen Keller for outfit advice or MC Hammer to do my finances.
We need to pick and choose who we solicit for guidance & typically I would rather learn from people who have their shit together. I also think it is SO important for people to learn how to be alone. My source of sanity is solitude. If you don’t want to hang out with yourself why would anyone else? My best advice is to get to know yourself. Not in a dumb Eat, Pray, Love way but in a very honest way. Go to lunch alone, travel alone, shop alone. Also never wear a casual shoulder bag with a cocktail dress, you look like a pre-teen attending her first Bat Mitzvah.
I arrived 15 minutes late because…NYC TRAFFIC. So sorry but I guess it’s just real life you know- I mean I was late to my wedding. I’m working on it.
Immediately upon arrival I met so many incredible women ( some with their boyfriends! ). The turn out was insane. I think there were about 100 plus people at Oficina1m at one point. Oficina1m is practically the cutest place on the planet & the owner is so chic it hurts. He set up champagne, tequila in teacups, hummus platters, tons of tiny bites, Bliss & Baker Krispies, etc for all the lovely TSC readers. So big THANK you to Oficina1m for hosting- I’ll be back.
Rebbl was kind enough to provide some herbal, organic elixirs for those of you who don’t like alcohol.
I wanted to say HI TO EVERYONE- there were so many cool women in one room. And it was overwhelming in the best way possible. Really couldn’t get enough. Next time we may have to do a full dinner because I can assure you there will be more TSC meet-ups in the future. They’re just a fun way to connect you know?
Some of you guys really had me laughing- seriously a VERY FUNNY/WITTY group!
Michael was in the middle of 100 women- so that was hilarious to see too. I feel like he maybe was slightly nervous- HA! Estrogen everywhere.
( In fact, if you’re in San Diego- there’s a meet-up happening this Sunday! I’ll be doing a live Q and A too. So e-mail me if you’re free and I’ll send you all the details ).
A little breakdown on TSC goodie bags:
Firstly, thank you to my friend, Alyssa of The Haute Brunette. Along with blogging she runs THB Marketing House which is a digital marketing agency in New York that connects influencers with brands for collaborations. They work with fashion, beauty, & lifestyle products as well as local events or Fashion Week. Everyone who works at THB is an influencer so all the brands are badass, nothing cheesy. If you’re an influencer you can sign up to start working with their brands. Alyssa streamlined the goodie bag swag & helped coordinate the event! She’s the shit.
I MEAN SHE DID SECURE V-STEAMS IN THE GOODIE BAG.
WHAT’S A V-STEAM YOU ASK?
Well it’s an ancient Chinese treatment that’s gained popularity in recent years for its revitalizing feeling…for your vagina. Remember when I wrote about vagina steaming?
For those of you who need an update a V-STEAM is a relaxing, detoxifying, spa treatment for your nether regions. Fun fact: it can also increase your libido.
We gave away coupons to VSPOT– & they use a festive formulation of herbs like basil, calendula, mugwort, marshmallow root, wormwood, & rose petals and place them in the tube on the v-steamer which contains purified water. The herb infused steam dilates the blood vessels to increase blood circulation by providing oxygen to the area, and in turn, relaxes the pelvic floor muscles.
UMMM HELLO YESSSSS.
Anyway, we also threw in COOLA SPF 30 to keep it on brand, organic Brazilian Bronze Soho Tan coupons ( I did a custom anti-aging tan while I was in NYC & LOVED IT ), Kind Snacks, & more! I mean what more can you ask for? A vag steam with a spray tan, sunscreen, & healthy snacks sounds pretty TSC to me?
Since you’re all so supportive of The Skinny Confidential, I wanted to share the love & showcase some bloggers who attended the meet-up. Collaboration > competition. You all are shining examples of that. SOOO…
+ if you attended the NYC meet-up & you’re a blogger- email me so I can add you to this list!
My girlfriend, Jules Wick, did my makeup. If you’re in New York City you have to check her out- she’s so talented. We did full coverage on my face because SHIT NEW YORK WEATHER is hard on the skin, and a flirty lash ( fake, of course- go for Ardell WISPIES if you’re on the hunt for the best falsies ). You can check out Jules’ rad Instagram– especially stalk her if you’re in NYC. My other girlfriend, Shawn Knudsen, did a bubble ponytail with clip-in extensions. She’s been on the blog before- she gave you guys a tutorial on a kitten curl here, remember? Shawn was visiting her sister, Emilie. Emilie’s a photographer so she shot the whole meet-up. If you’re a blogger in NY- check her out too! Both of them did an amazing job- what a team. YESSSS. Love these badass women.
To everyone who came out to meet me & Michael: I LOVE YOU- YOU ARE AMAZING. Each one of you is doing amazing things- it was such a proud moment to meet you guys & talk one on one. I will DEFINITELY do this again. Any feedback is welcomed. Maybe we will live podcast next time? Thoughts? Oh, & WE LOVE YOU, NEW YORK! What a city- from the truffle pasta ( a Blake Lively fave ) to the culture to all you hustlers…I’M IN LOVE. Thank you, thank you for coming out to sip dry champagne & tequila out of teacups. So fun.
I want to make sure everyone who came out got TSC MEAL PLAN– if you didn’t, please e-mail me: firstname.lastname@example.org.
To wrap it up: I’m falling asleep at the computer. It’s been a jammed packed day & tomorrow is going to be non-stop. I’ve got some fun beauty/wellness posts lined up for you. In the meantime make sure you listen to the two podcasts we collaborated with this week! First up was The LadyGang– they’re HYSTERICAL & then the day after we were on The Bitch Bible…who’s a real hoot. Trust me, these are two podcasts that CRUSH IT. You will love them both, promise. Besides podcasts are so PERFECT to listen to while driving, cooking, doing makeup, cleaning, you get it.
This post is a medley of sorts. I suppose it may be confusing if you haven’t listened to the latest podcast. As the description states: “Basically, holistic vegan chef & health/nutrition counselor, Niki Connor, joins Lauryn & Michael to discuss tips for preventing exhaustion & inflammation, why you should cut out chemically processed foods from your diet, the importance of creating a sleep routine, & Niki even shares a recipe for making an at-home holistic smoothie. We also hear the trio talk about what candida is & the effects it can have on your body and Niki breaks down the basic science behind Ayurveda and how it holistically relates to diet, the mind, body, & soul.”
* Garlic: contains allicin, regulates blood sugar, & aids in digestion.
* Dark leafy greens: Vitamin K ~~!!!
* Pineapple: Vitamin C & enzymes.
* Sauerkraut & Kimchi.
* Kombucha: No more than half a glass per day due to the sugar content- but it’s great.
* Pickled vegetables- YUM.
* Yogurt: Coconut yogurt is awesome!
2.) Go organic: Fewer pesticides, free of hormones, & antibiotics.
3.) Exercise: get your body moving at least 5 days a week, & mix it up to keep it fun- also avoid injury.
4.) Avoid alcohol: high alcohol consumption causes blood cells & tissues to swell, leading to Chronic Pancreatitis.
5.) Avoid gluten & wheat: whether you’re gluten-sensitive, celiac, or don’t have a sensitivity at all, avoiding gluten & wheat is essential. Gluten has been linked to over 55 diseases. The gluten we consume today isn’t the same as what our grandparents enjoyed, this scientifically created gluten is bad news! Inflammation & leaky gut are the most common results of gluten consumption.
If you want your baked salmon to turn out perfect EVERY SINGLE TIME, try this method. You can use different sauces and marinades, but baking it this way will ensure that it’s perfectly cooked.
Holistic Chef Niki’s Baked Salmon
+ 12 ounce salmon fillet, cut into 4 pieces
+ Coarse-grained sea salt or Himalayan pink salt
+ Fresh ground black pepper
+ 1 tbs Extra Virgin Olive Oil
+ Directions: Preheat the oven to 450F. Season salmon with salt, pepper, and olive oil. Place salmon, skin side down, on a pan lined with parchment paper. Bake until salmon is cooked through, about 15 min. If your oven is very powerful, check the salmon at 12min first.
Sauce: Add on top right before serving
Holistic Chef Niki’s Cilantro-Lime Chutney
+ 1 bunch of cilantro (1 big handful), stems removed
+ 1 small green onion, chopped
+ 1 clove of garlic, chopped
+ 1 jalapeno pepper, chopped (spine removed for less spice if desired)
+ 1 tbs lime juice
+ Zest of 1 lime
+¼ cup coconut yogurt
+ Ground black pepper (to taste)
+ Himalayan pink salt (to taste)
+ Directions: Place cilantro, green onion, garlic and pepper in a small food processor. Pulse until finely chopped, then add the lime juice and yogurt and pulse again until combined. Make sure it’s still chunky and not blended smoothly. Enjoy!
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Holistic Chef Niki’s Grocery Essentials:
Splurge once, then you’ll have your essentials! As you can see, this list is all vegan foods, so if you aren’t vegan like me, make sure that all meat and dairy are grass-fed and eggs are pasteurized. Don’t forget to store all nuts and seeds in the refrigerator and flour in the freezer, this is very important to avoid spoiling. In addition to this list, fresh produce can be purchased weekly ( unless you’re traveling ), & most of these items last long, so you won’t have to replace them often. In the end, you’re saving on doctor & smoothie shop visits. All certified organic too!
* Unsweetened almond milk- I often make my own, but when I’m short on time, I buy unsweetened almond milk. Make sure that the ingredients are almonds and water, no added chemicals.
* Walnuts– High in omega-3’s, great to help prevent and cure headaches, and delicious raw or toasted.
* Raw almonds– Contrary to popular belief, truly raw almonds are difficult to find. Due to a sanitation scare at an almond farm years ago, California almonds are not actually raw unless purchased directly from an almond farmer. The almonds you buy in the store that are ‘raw’ are actually flash-steamed. I’m not saying they’re bad for you, but if you want the real thing, go to your local farmer’s market.
* Raw cashews– These are big for me, I use them in many sauces, make vegan cheese with them, etc. Enjoy in moderation!
* Black bean or red lentil pasta– high in protein and very filling, a little goes a long way! Pair this with a simple tomato sauce or garlic, herbs, and a bit of EVOO.
* EVOO ( extra virgin olive oil )– Monounsaturated fatty oils. I use different olive oils for different dishes; I have a more standard one I use as a base, then I buy olive oils with particular flavor components to brighten dishes. Make sure it’s cold-pressed and organic Extra Virgin olive oil in a dark bottle.
* Coconut oil- Rich in fatty acids, this one by Organic Fiji is my favorite. I use it for cooking, skin care, hair care, lube, you name it!
* Avocado oil– Rich in Vitamin E with high fat content, this is great for high-heat cooking. Do not, I repeat, do not cook with sesame oil. It can’t handle high heat cooking, so it’s best to use that oil in a sauce added after cooking.
* Brown rice– Some people don’t digest rice well, but as someone who was born and partially raised in Japan, I’ve been eating rice all my life & it definitely agrees with me.
* Quinoa– I like to make a batch of quinoa or brown rice early in the week and have a little a day all week. That way my cooking time at home is cut in half, too! I usually choose quinoa over rice due to the higher protein content and calcium.
* Almond butter– more Vitamin E, magnesium, and iron than peanut butter. I still eat peanut butter, but not as often. A little almond butter in a smoothie or with sliced apple is delicious!
* Garbanzo beans- I’m a hummus addict & totally make my own. I sprout them beforehand for more nutrients when I have time, but I’m usually pressed for time when making hummus, so I buy certified organic canned beans and rinse them before use or buy them raw and soak before use. High in protein and great for hummus, or if you toast them at 400F for 15 minutes tossed in herbs, spices, or just olive oil and salt, they’re a great crispy addition to salads, etc.
* Ground black pepper- increases hydrochloric acid in the stomach to ease digestion and helps break down fat cells.
* Turmeric– root or powder, this is an essential for its anti-inflammatory & immune-boosting benefits.
* Garlic- the antioxidant allicin ( only released when garlic is smashed and left for 10 minutes before use) is essential, & garlic also regulates blood sugar and lowers cholesterol.
* Kitchari mix– I grind my own spices & make my own spice blends.
* Hingvastak– an Ayurvedic herbal blend for Vata that’s excellent when consumed with beans and legumes or soups and stews, it supports healthy digestion & prevents gas and bloating.
* Raw Cacao Powder– I use this for smoothies and baking and use raw cacao paste in cacao ceremonies. Don’t add dairy milk to teas or cocoa, it interferes with iron absorption. I know that the English drink their tea with milk & sugar, but unfortunately that’s not the healthy way to drink it!
* Peppermint Tea– I order this almost every time I dine out and also drink it at home after meals to ease digestion.
* Chai Tea– I’m obsessed with chai tea, but don’t make lattes at home. I like to steep the tea and use it in oatmeal for added flavor, too!
* Triple Leaf Tea: Ultra Slim: use this tea for “emergencies” ( traveling, special events, etc ). It’s not safe to use on a regular basis due to the fact that it makes you very dehydrated, but if you’re having digestive issues while traveling or need to feel and look your best for an event, drink a cup before bed and you’ll be good by morning! Unlike those “skinny teas”, this doesn’t cause cramping or contain harmful chemicals. ( Also the POO POO TEA WE TALKED ABOUT IN THE PODCAST ).
QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, SUGGESTIONS? Niki is here to answer. In the meantime check her out on TSC Podcast. She’s fab.
I’m off to watch Billions ( kind of obsessed ). What show should we watch next? We are chilling for the next two months. Seriously though, no dairy, red meat, alcohol, or white carbs- you know? I think I will print out this grocery list for myself. NEED IT? Anyway, how are you prepping for summer? With that I’m off to drink POO POO TEA & WATCH Axe. Axe is life if you watch Billions.
See ya tomorrow, lauryn x
+ be sure to listen to the latest podcast– we dive into CANDIDA, INFLAMMATION, AYURVEDIC PRACTICES, & FATIGUE. Niki is so well-informed & this is a podcast you don’t want to miss. ENJOY ( & take your Dosha quiz PLZ ).
Hey TSC readers, it’s been a while! Well I am back and I wanted to write a post about success, career success specifically. This post will primarily deal with what makes us tick in the work place. What drives us to pursue the careers we choose and what motivates us to get up every day and pursue the careers we have chosen.
So here we go!
Have you ever stopped and thought to yourself:
“What the F am I doing this for? What am I really trying to accomplish with this job/business? Is this what I really want to be doing?”
Most off the cuff answers have to do with finances. Making money. Paying the bills. Making a living. The real answer lies within the last part of the answer, which is the part about living. You have to live a life that makes you truly happy or the rest becomes irrelevant. You get one shot at this life.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately ( I know, so enlightened right? ). What makes me tick, what drives me to be the person I want to be. What motivates me to grow our businesses and expand our brands?
What does success look like? What does it mean?
If you would have asked me those questions 2-3 years ago I would have had some really shitty answers and told you success was defined by money, power, acquisition, and expansion.
As defined by others:
• Money, the measurement of my worth.
• Power, the measurement of my influence.
• Acquisition, the measurement of status.
• Expansion, the measurement of legacy.
Hopefully as you read that you thought to yourself… Wow those are really terrible things to measure your life by. I completely agree. I would also not be shocked to learn that at one point or another you thought along the same lines or still do.
Our current culture causes a lot of confusion and makes it difficult for us to define success and happiness as WE DEFINE IT. We are constantly reminded of what we don’t have, what we haven’t done, who is further along, and what we are missing out on. It puts us in a space of confusion and despair if we fail to acquire the clarity to really figure out what makes us tick.
I think it has a lot to do with the internal questions we ask ourselves. Have you ever stopped, and I mean literally stopped to think…
“What am I doing this for? Why the hell is this even important to me? Do I really give a shit what any of these people think? Do I really need any of this stuff? Do I even like what I do?”
We get up in the morning and head out the door to get on the hamster wheel of life because we think it’s what we’re supposed to be doing. We never really stop and think, is this what I actually want to be doing? Does this job/business make sense for me?
College, our jobs, and the way we dress. The way we act, the stuff we buy, the places we go, and the people we try to impress. At some point we have to stop and think to ourselves…“Is this right for me?” Is this what I really want to be doing and are the reasons for doing this really the right reasons for me?
About two years ago I had a life-altering epiphany. I started asking myself some new questions. The answers I came to completely changed the way I measure success. It was like a huge light bulb turned on in my brain. I realized that almost every single measurement I had to calculate my worth was wrong ( at least for me ). The reasons for pursuing my goals were the wrong reasons. My actions were mapping to a very unhappy future ( again, for me ). Every time I would hit a goal I thought would make me happy I found myself thinking, what’s next? I had no fulfillment. I couldn’t stop to enjoy a moment because I was constantly looking around the bend for the next one.
I was a total douchebag.
Financially everything was looking good, money rolling in, business growing, new opportunities, everything on the up and up…or so I thought.
Why wasn’t I getting happier? Why did I feel let down? Even disappointed. What the hell?!
The way I was measuring success was completely messed up, and my reasons for pursuing my goals were the wrong reasons.
When you measure success in material ways you will never be fulfilled. When you measure success based on what other people think, you will never be happy. When you measure success on bullshit milestones that nobody else cares about you will constantly be let down. When you are confused about the reasons for pursuing your goals you have no compass to guide you through the storm. Things get tough and you get depressed or give up.
Sure, you will have bursts of happiness, and bursts of fulfillment but eventually those highs will wear off and you will have to start all over.
There is always another level, always a better item, always a better place, always someone new to try and impress, always something MORE. So you never enjoy the milestones because you tell yourself there is always something better, this one wasn’t enough.
We get caught up in the momentum, grow up, get out of school, get a job or start a business, pursue a career that we fall into, get a little taste of success and think to ourselves:
“This is what I am supposed to be doing.”
This is where things can go wrong real fast. We think that because we are hitting goals and milestones that fall into society norms, we are then successful. We can go months, years, even decades before we stop and realize that this definition of success may not be right for us.
So what’s the answer? The answer, in my humble opinion, is to find your definition of success. This is going to require some real honest internal conversation. You are going to have to ask yourself the tough questions and dig deep for the real answers.
If there is one thing I have learned over the years, it’s this:
There is more than one way to skin a cat but you have to know WHY you are skinning the cat.
In my own life I realized I was working hard, I was financially solid, I was comfortable, but I wasn’t really happy about it. I found myself buying and doing things that I really didn’t care about with people I didn’t care about because I thought that’s what you did with success.
I WAS WRONG.
Every strategy works but not every strategy works for everyone. The strategy that will work the best is the one that works for you. The best measurement for success is the measurement that makes you happy. The best reason is the reason that gets YOU out of bed every morning, excited to do whatever it is you are going to do.
THE PROBLEM IS THAT WE RARELY STOP TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THESE ANSWERS ARE. WE DON’T TAKE THE TIME TO FIGURE OUT OUR MEASUREMENTS OR REASONS.
Life is hard, work is tough, and business is competitive. You are going to get stressed; you are going to have moments of doubt. Why go through the emotional roller coaster for something you don’t like? Why stress about goals and metrics that you don’t care about? Why worry about what others think you should be doing? They aren’t walking in your shoes every day. It’s time to dig deep and figure out what you really care about and what’s really going to drive you to true success ( again as defined by YOU! ).
I hope this post triggers something to help you find your reason to set you on the path for success as you define it. For those of you that have found your calling and are well on your way to success, I hope this is a good reminder. For those of you that haven’t, why not start now? Below is a list of ten questions that helped right my lost ship. Good luck!
10 Life Altering Questions to help you find your reasons and define your success:
1. Who am I really doing this for? Is it for me? Is it for someone else?
2. What is the reason for pursuing this career? Is it purely financial or is this something I can see myself doing for a long period of time?
3. Will I feel good about what I am doing in 10, 20, 30 years? Can I Tell my future children about this and be proud?
4. If I stopped doing this, what would really happen and who would really care?
5. Are these my goals? Is this my definition of success? Or is this someone else’s definition of success and goal standard? Are these healthy goals and success metrics?
6. Are the people around me contributing to my true definition of success or trapping me in their definition of success?
7. Does the income from this job/business enhance my life or trap me in a life I’m not so sure about?
8. Could I do something else for less money for a while to set myself up to be happy later?
9. What do I need to earn to live my ideal life as I define ideal? What are the steps I could take to earn what I need for this life and be happy?
10. Is there something I could do this year on the side that I love that could eventually be a full time thing over time?