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Spicy Valentine’s Day Gifts

Meow! Valentine’s day is right around the corner which means it’s time to milk your s/o for everything can possibly milk them for. Let’s get strategic about it.

I make Valentine’s day the biggest parade of the century to Michael. I overplay it & I make it a way bigger deal than I even think it is. &, I say it’s Valentine’s week, not day.

Let’s get into some really fun, kinky Valentine’s gifts I think you & your s/o will love.

♡ Woo Lube

Woo is the best lube ever. Not only does it makes sex better, it tastes like a vanilla cupcake. It’s natural & organic, doesn’t mess with your PH, has no nasty chemicals, can work as a massage oil, & only has 4 ingredients:

♡ unrefined virgin coconut oil: antibacterial, organic, PH balancing.
♡ vanilla essence: edible, SORT OF cupcake flavor.
♡ beeswax: consistency is on point, keeps on going.
♡ stevia: sweet flavor…so it’s delicious if you eat it.

Be sure to have this sitting on your man or woman’s nightstand with a big red bow around it. ( Use the code SKINNY at checkout for 20% off )

Pink Frother

We talked about this pink frother on my new Instagram account It’s my new micro-blogging account where there’s no perfect pictures, it’s just straight to the point deets about my favorite products that I think everyone should have. Moving on…. The pink frother…. I use this every single morning to blend my cinnamon, inulin coffee. This one is pink so it’s perfect for Valentine’s day. Use it to froth up a coffee while you’re making heart-shaped waffles with pink sprinkles on top. This frother makes your coffee the perfect consistency & your loved one will be about it.

Weener Kleener

I get this for Michael every year. It’s a bar of soap that’s a ring, & you stick your dick in the hole. It adds a whole new dimension of pleasure to the shower- LOL, but really what it does is really clean things…down there for HIM. “Just a few strokes & your weiner is cleaner than a whistle.” This is something every guy needs- Michael loves it ( eer, I think he does? ).

♡ Penis Pasta

Penis pasta goes great with a Weiner Cleaner. Cook your husband a homemade meal with wiener pasta & Rao’s Arrabiata sauce. It’s perfect for a Valentine’s date night meal & it’s actually really good. Whenever Michael is being a dick I make it for him.


These PJs I got because I saw some designer ones that were $800 but these were on Amazon for $26. These are so comfortable, I wear them all the time & they look super chic & expensive so this is a great gift for your woman. Hint, hint guys. Since we’re talking about women’s pajamas, I think it’s only fair to mention the guys. These silk striped pajamas have a masculine look and are lightweight.It’s cute to match so obviously I got Michael a pair too.

♡ TSC Phone Case – The Boobs

This case is perfect for any guy or girl. It’s super cute to get for your husband or man because there’s titties on it. I designed this case 2 years ago & I still use it all the time. You can shop all TSC cases on Casetify. You guys know I love talking about boobs- it’s why I have no problem sharing my boob job experience ( here & here ). Surprise, surprise, this is Michael’s favorite case too.

♡ Fila Sneakers – men’s & women’s

Michael & I both have these- we’re twins. I think these are really cool sneakers to wear with your s/o. I always wear them with sweats or track pants, they’re so comfy & cool- Kylie Jenner loves them too. You could wear these with big, thick, white socks or PEDS. Either looks cool.

♡ Untrue by Wednesday Martin

This book is all about exploration of sexuality & it’s a fun, spicy book for Valentine’s day. Wednesday Martin came on the podcast so be sure to check out her episode. She talked all about infidelity & monogamy. This book is all about exploration of sexuality & it’s a fun, spicy book for Valentine’s day. She blends social science with interviews from real women & other sex experts to really dive into women & sexuality.

♡ Strawberry Candies

If your grandma didn’t have these in a crystal dish when you were 5 years old, where you even living? These candies are so nostalgic & iconic & everyone knows what they are. It’s fun to bring something back that’s so nostalgic & I like throw these in a bowl on my counter now. Everyone who walks in takes 5 & they’re the perfect red for Valentine’s day. Get 2 pounds & keep refilling your crystal bowl.

These are some Valentine’s day ideas for you & s/o. I wanted to keep it cheeky, spicy & sexy. I know everyone is throwing roses & chocolate at you so I wanted to mix it up.

Does anyone have any sassy Valentine’s day plans?

Any other funny gifts you can recommend to me? You know I love to give Michael anything that involves a penis, so send your tips.

x, lauryn

+ Since we’re on the subject of relationships, be sure to checkout this post & podcast.


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