IF YOU WERE TO OPEN MY FRIDGE DURING PREGNANCY, YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I WAS FEEDING A SMALL VILLAGE.
No for real though, you’d find loaves of fresh sourdough bread, mac n’ cheese-filled Tupperware, & raw chocolate chip cookie dough with spoon marks everywhere ( ya, I would eat that shit raw sometimes- judge away ).
Seriously though- never in my life have I eaten SO.MANY.CARBS.
I was ACTUALLY tired of eating. Carbs were coming out of my pores. But that’s what I craved: CARBS, CARBS, CARBS, & more CARBS. Did I mention sourdough? Like I should have named the baby Sourdough Bosstick. It has a ring to it, ehh?
Anddddd as you may have guessed: as I ate more carbs, I gained weight.
Yes, weight. Ohhhhh, such a taboo word. Something that feels uncomfortable to talk about. Kind of even gives me a pit to say the word.
But ya, the weight packed on during my pregnancy.
And what’s crazy is I had so many DM’s or Instagram comments from people asking me about the weight topic: “How much weight have you gained?”
It felt like SUCH a big question.
One that I felt like I would answer after my pregnancy, in a blog post, tied with a pink bow for you. So here we are- it’s a messy bow though. Because there’s so much to say about it, you know?
But the reality is, if I can use my platform to talk about a subject that women feel guilty about ( hey ! Me included ), then let’s do it- let’s go there.
So yes, one of those subjects most definitely is ‘HOW MUCH WEIGHT “YOU SHOULD” GAIN WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT.’
First of all, all I kept hearing from my doctor, social media, friends, etc. was “you should gain between 25 to 35 pounds.”
Hi, hello, I did not gain 25 pounds. 25 pounds? Uhh, I gained that in the early 2nd trimester.
In fact: I gained 50 pounds at 40 weeks.
And to be blunt: I delivered at 41 weeks, so I probably gained 55 pounds- maybe more?
Almost SIXTY POUNDS is not what your doctor tells you to gain. But it’s what I gained. That’s my truth. And really everyone is different- like I have huge boobs, they blew up. I hold on to water. & I ate a lot of bread…because shit, that’s what I craved.
Looking back, I can pinpoint times throughout my pregnancy where I felt like VIOLET from Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. Rolling around like a huge ball- feeling out of control in my body. Sure, I was eating very healthy too, but after a heaping bowl of cinnamon cereal four nights in a row before bed, you’re not necessarily feeling your best.
BUT at some point instead of stressing out I just embraced the process & gave into my cravings- I could not choose my cravings. Like I wish it was vegetables & fruit- but it wasn’t. Most foods turned me off, to be honest.
I remember being in France with Michael surrounded by all the delicious breads, pastas, croissants, & lemon soufflé pancakes & just being like “live your best life, bitch.”
And boy did I ever !!! I ate !! And ate !!…And ate !!
& lived to tell you- the real tale. Not the social media pretty tale- the actual truth!
There were definitely times after I ate too many carbs & looked in the mirror & thought: “FUCKKKKKK. Is that more cellulite? Ugh, I can’t fit into that anymore. Shit, my love handles have doubled !!” To be real my ass truly tripled- my ass was like WHOAAAAAAA.
…And then there were other times where I just simply embraced the fact that I couldn’t shave my vagina or legs because I couldn’t see them.
You gotta laugh at that point ??
As far as clothes, towards the end, nothing fit- like not even Michael’s hoodies. All I could do at that point was go with it- I mean, what’s the point of stressing if there’s nothing you can do about it? You realize in pregnancy you can either be stressed ( which in my opinion, is bad energy for the baby ) or you can just laugh & accept the craziness that is happening to your body.
Luckily I had a healthy 7 lb. 11 oz. baby with a full head of hair, so what if I enjoyed too much sourdough? She was worth it.
My pregnancy taught me again the importance of stoicism– it reiterated why I love the philosophy so much. How to endure pain/hardship without complaint. How to accept what you can’t control. BE CALM. Accept what is happening.
And you know what? I meditated on that a lot- I really hope that energy transferred to the baby. CALM, CALM, CALM was a mantra I meditated on.
SO ! Why did I do this post? Because social media puts a shitload of pressure on women when it comes to weight gain, so to be able to showcase some realness here is very much important to me. For anyone who is pregnant, been pregnant, or just in general… I don’t want things to always look effortless, when sometimes they aren’t.
To me, it’s wild that after giving birth 3 & half weeks ago, people are messaging me: “are you back to your pre-pregnancy weight?”
HELL NO, I’m not. I have flabby skin right now. My uterus is still not back to normal ( it takes 6 weeks to go back to normal ). My hair is a mess. I’m tired. I feel slow- like my brain is slow. & I have a lot of work to do in the weight department.
The whole process has felt like a mind fuck…but also a lesson…one from my daughter maybe?
The funny thing is that shamefulness around weight gain is not bringing me negative emotions like they used to- maybe because I had a perspective shift or maybe it’s being vulnerable with you? Who knows. All I know is instead of making everything look Instagram-ready, I have decided to share my experience in hopes that it settles someone’s voice in their head who’s pregnant. Hopefully it enables them to give THEMSELVES a break too.
Ultimately whether you gain 25 pounds or 80 pounds- it is what it is. So instead of feeling any way about it, just realize you created a baby & it’s part of the gig.
( By the way, you should know any time I spent stressed about weight was fucking pointless because when I arrived home from the hospital I lost 30 pounds. Lots of water weight. Which happens to so many women- so now I have 25 pounds to lose. Which will be VERY challenging but what can you do. So as you can see, things are not Instagram-ready over here k? Don’t fall for any kind of facade here ).
Anyway, after this post, I’m trying not to give it too much energy. Like yes I have weight to lose. I will walk. I will move. I will drink a shitload of water. Have my vegetables. Intermittent fast. Use compression wear/belly band technique. Do Pilates. And The Skinny Confidential Body Guide. Enjoy inulin in my coffee. Sleep. Lower my cortisol. Be with my baby. Meditate. Walk some more.
…And give myself a fucking break. Ya know?
Would love to hear your thoughts- x lauryn
+ the thing I craved the MOST in pregnancy.
++ the pillow that saved my life for 9 months.