{ new Kate print }

{ quite possibly the cutest candle ever? Plus it smells like champs! }

The following events are true.

Like they actually happened.

SOOOOOO where shall we begin?

For starters I spent the better part of my Saturday butt-ass naked on a table.

Yes, you read that right.

& honestly I LOVED EVERY MINUTE!

Basically my girlfriends & I went to a veryyyyyyy different kind of spa in San Diego…& ME OH MYYYYYY we certainly got to know each other MUCHHHH better.

You know, that happens when you’re staring at each other’s va jay jays for a couple of hours.

#blessed

BUT REALLY, I CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP…LET’S BACK UP— SO HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED:

As the maid of honor in my friend’s wedding, it was my responsibility to plan a girl’s day for her bachelorette party.

It all started with an innocent, little hike ( healthy right? ), then we went & had some naughty mimosas ( so sue me ), & THEN IT WAS TIME FOR THE SPA.

But not just any spa, guys………

{ last week’s work attire | red dress on sale }

……..

THE KOREAN SPA.

If you haven’t been to a Korean spa…then perhaps IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO GO!!

Because it was seriously different than any experience I’ve ever had.

So we get there, the girl at the front checks us in ( I’m too busy checking out HER SKIN because DAMNNNN it was flawless ) & all four of us grab our cubbies full of a robe, towel, and scrub mitt.

We also were able to pick two masks to use during the treatment. Naturally I choose the collagen booster ( bye wrinkles! ) & one that helped with pimples ( hello chin zit! ).

All of us went to our lockers & then were instructed to strip. Like, NAKED-Demi Moore Strip Tease, strip. In front of each other. And the other 349573 women there.

Ohhh come on, let’s live a little, right?

So we all go butt-ass naked to the community jacuzzi & wait to be called in ( reminds me of kindergarden but not really at all? ).

Before we’re called on they instruct us to take a shower.

We do.

Together? Well kind of? I’m going with the flow at this point I guess?

So anyway, we each get called.

OH & LUCKYYYYY ME, I’M NUMBER 1.

Total lab rat status for my friends. There I was, just taking one for the team.

My masseuse tells me to lay down & proceeds to scrub down my whollllllle body with the cubbie scrub mitt to remove ANY dead skin.

This is not like a la-de-da, relaxing, cucumber eye pad-kinda scrub down.

This is a GNARLY, INTENSE, DON’T F AROUND scrub down.

And I’m OBSESSED.

If you guys know me you know I’m all about stimulating the lymph system & dry brushing ( I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF DRY BRUSHING…IT’S TOOOOO GOOD. REALLY, TRULY I DO IT EVERY DAY ). So this particular gnarly scrub at the Korean spa was HEAVENNNNN.

{ ya, ya, ya you guys know I love spicy nuts }

Let’s take a moment to recognize the fact that EVERY body part is getting a gnarly scrub down.

I’ll leave that to your imagination ( or maybe you’d rather not go there? ). Basically everythaaangggg was getting EXFOLIATED X 6 MILLION.

Here’s the thing: the masseuse was very automatic about it. She was very, very, very professional. It was as if she had done this job forever. So it made the experience enjoyable because she was so chill.

Ok, let’s talk about my view because half way through I was turned to my side to face my friend’s butt…& other things AKA her vagina…for the next half hour of the massage.

After the masseuse scrubbed my entire bod down and literally did Kung Fu on my back, I was told to take another shower…check!

Then lay facing upward…check!

Then close my eyes…check!

Then she proceeded to pour milk all over my body.

Afterwards she deepest of deep massaged my full body while performing circus tricks ( get your mind out of the gutter, this was a MASSAGE! ). Oh, by the way she is half naked the whole time.

So.

After the massage part ended ( boo! ), she rubbed my entire scalp with hot oil, washed my hair ( shampoo AND conditioner, guys ), & put a mask on my face…

…DO I EVEN HAVE A NEED FOR A BOYFRIEND AT THIS POINT? I’M STILL ON THE FENCE.

Anyway, post-massage was spent in the naked jacuzzi & a special red clay room that sucks toxins from your skin ( woulda shared this on Insta but you know, we were naked so even the ‘toaster’ filter wouldn’t have exactly kept it PG-13 ). The clay room benefits can be found here.

And would I go back? ABSOLUTELY DUH, I would go back. In fact…anyone free this weekend?

Well, that about sums up my weekend— ok so who wants me to throw them a bachelorette party next? Anyone?

::crickets::

– lauryn

{ pic 6 }

{ cutie pens <3 }

{ spent Sunday in this fruity robe }