How The Fuck To Have a Baby & Still Live Your Life

by
LAURYN

Hey guys, what’s up? Hope everyone is having a productive week so far.

Sivan is back! I’m so excited to have this powerhouse back on The Skinny Confidential to talk about motherhood. Not only motherhood, but how to keep your life after having a baby. I need all the help I can get. If you missed Sivan’s last post where she shared her 5 favorite beauty tips, here’s a little backstory for ya:

Sivan Ayla is the blogger behind Lux Unfiltered. I first met Sivan at my The Skinny Confidential x Casetify party & immediately started following her on Instagram. After following her for the last couple years, I noticed that she’s a bright light & definitely an influencer to watch.

Personally, I like influencers who have a strong opinion & don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks. Sivan embodies that. It’s been really fun to watch her & her husband become parents, & to watch her flourish as an influencer in this industry. ( Sidenote: she just launched a swim line called Tan Lines. It’s super cute & you guys should definitely check it out. )

You should also know that Sivan just launched a nail polish collab with NCLA called Take Me To Capri. & all the colors have super cute names like Lil Limoncello, Rose Spritz, & Peach Gelato. Stalk the whole collection here. I’m a big fan of Peach Gelato.

With that, let’s welcome back Sivan.

*Writing this post as I sit in my baby’s playroom watching Baby Shark on repeat*

Just thought I should preface what my life has become. Not to scare you, Lauryn, but your life is about to fucking EXPLODE! 

Okay, so I got pregnant unexpectedly after 3 years of being OFF birth control. My whole experience getting pregnant is pretty wild & I go into all the dirty details in a blog post that you can have fun reading if you like talking about ovulation, periods, cervical fluids, blue vaginas, etc. etc. etc.

While it took me a while to get pregnant, my pregnancy was truly a breeze. I got very lucky – no real morning sickness, no pain, no complications, good health, which at the end of the day is all that matters. 

I’m not going to lie, even before I got pregnant I was terrified of the idea of having a baby. Not the physical labor part, but the after-effects of adding the biggest responsibility you could possibly take on. Being self-employed, you’re already taking on so many roles that throwing in the prospect of caring for & raising another human being seemed downright impossible for me. I had zero strategy because I truly had zero clue how this would all go. Would I be so in love with my baby that my career no longer mattered? Will I hire a full-time nanny? Will my kid go to daycare? No fucking clue. 

Fast forward to the day my daughter Capri arrived – I’m a changed person, I see life differently, never felt a love like this before, etc. etc. It’s all true, by the way. Unexplainable & unconditional love is a THING once you pop out a kid. And coming from me ( cold-hearted AF lol ) that says a lot! I was on Cloud 9 with my husband the first month. He was on paternity leave, we had a night nurse ( more on that in a sec ), baby was an angel, & my biggest priority was making sure we went on our afternoon walk. Life was simple & I enjoyed it, but come the second month I was ready to get back into things. Paul ( hubby ) went back to work, baby was on a great eating & sleeping schedule, & I was ready to face reality. 

If you know me, you know I go from 0-100 very fast. The day I decided to “go back to work” I scheduled 2 events & a meeting for myself back-to-back all over the city. I packed my bag to pump my boobs along the way & I was ready to tackle the day. Except I forgot one minuscule little piece of shit part for my pump so I couldn’t pump…enter my first clogged duct. I had DDs that day ( if not bigger ), milk stains all over my dress from leaking, & I missed my baby terribly. I felt shitty & defeated & unprepared. It was around this time that I decided I needed a better [thought out] system for myself & the baby. Despite telling myself that I would just “bounce” right back into life, life slapped me with a nice dose of reality.

Even if you have the luxury of working from home I still urge you to find a schedule / system that works. It will ensure you’re being productive, efficient, & at ease knowing your baby is in good hands. Here is what I did to help myself ease back into work:

Hire a night nurse

HUGE luxury. We’re talking $$$$ but I have to be honest & share that we had one for 6 weeks & it was the best money we’ve ever spent. Being well-rested, especially right after giving birth, was crucial. It made me a happier person for my baby & I could soundly sleep knowing my baby was in good hands. Ironically, my baby loved to sleep from Day 1 so I didn’t actually need the night nurse this long, but I was truly terrified of sleepless nights. I talk about Capri’s newborn sleep schedule here

♡ Set working hours

I decided I needed help from 9 – 5 during the week to get my work done. Once 5PM rolls around I take over. I enjoy this part of the day because it involved our nightly routine – dinner, playtime, bath time,storytime, bed. Consistency & routine is EVERYTHING with babies. 

♡ Don’t develop bad habits 

If you never let it happen, the baby will not know it’s an option. Sometimes out of desperation we make poor choices but you end up paying for it in the long-run ( like I did here ). We are very strict about bedtime ( she only sleeps in her crib ), & in turn we get quality sleep every night. This ultimately just makes OUR lives easier. 

♡ A SCHEDULE IS LIFE!

I know a lot of parents don’t agree, but Capri has been on a strict feeding & sleeping schedule since the day she was born & let me tell you, she operates like clockwork. I can anticipate her needs, which means she’s never crying & we don’t know why. She knows food is coming & before she can get over-tired she’s already in her crib. Yes, it forces you to live by your baby’s schedule, but I promise it will be worth it & it’s temporary. I talk more about scheduling in this post

♡ Quality over quantity 

Some people feel the mom guilt for working & I get it, but I never allowed myself to obsess over this. I’m working to provide for my family & there is nothing wrong with that. I personally feel that quality time versus quantity ( being with your baby all day ) is just as good. I carve out times during the week to take Capri to a 1-hour class & on the weekends it’s just us ( & my husband ). During the week she gets to enjoy other personalities & activities & I feel good about that. 

♡ Ease into things 

Give yourself the time & space away from work & when you’re ready, ease back in. I woke up one morning & decided to start again & I felt overwhelmed & stressed instantly by how behind I felt. Time-block some emails, take one meeting ( or event ), etc., you’ll find your flow, just don’t rush it. 

♡ Ask for help 

My Type A, control freak ass was NOT about to ask for help ( work-wise ). I had no issue asking for help with my baby, but my work was always MY thing & I didn’t want anyone coming near it with a 10-foot pole. But again, reality struck & I was begging for help. I thankfully found a team of people that now help me execute my visions & ideas & I feel SO much more in control ( ironically ). I know a lot of us feel ashamed to ask for help but honestly, who are we trying to impress?! Personally, I think it’s more impressive when you are on top of your shit, with your baby, feeling fabulous. 

Lauryn, I cannot WAIT to see you dominate motherhood!! Sure, I had my baby first but you know I will be hitting you up for tips in no time. Let’s time-block some play dates though, yeah? My excitement for this baby is unreal. 

You can find more tips on preparing for parenthood, baby items + diaper bag shit you NEED ( yes, you can still carry a designer ‘diaper bag’ ), the cutest baby clothing brands, pregnancy fitness, & tons tons tons more, you can find it all on my blog www.sivanayla.com.

Our babies are definitely going to be having some time-blocked play dates. LOL.

Be sure to follow Sivan on Instagram & check out my posts on her blog where I talk about how to turn your passion into a full-time job & my 5 of my top beauty tips.

x, lauryn

+ check out my pregnancy announcement here ( we kept it secret for 5 months ).

++ scope Sivan’s beauty secrets here.

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  1. AvatarBecky

    Love Sivan. My baby is a few months younger than her’s, and it helped me so much to follow her along her motherhood journey. And I second the baby schedule!! My baby has been in her crib in her room since 6 weeks old and has been sleeping through the night since 4 months. She’s the best sleeper and sleep is so important for their development!

    Reply
  2. AvatarMichelle

    All babies are different, all mothers are different. What works for some may not work for others. Just wanted to say this in case someone feels like a “failure” because they can’t seem to get baby on a schedule or that they can’t sleep through the night. I was Type A af about everything before I had kids. Biggest lesson they taught me so far: surrender. You can’t always control everything and sometimes following your baby’s lead is the key to a more harmonious existence.

    Reply
    1. TSC TeamTSC Team

      it’s like all of life lessons are wrapped up in one little human ?! thank you for ur feedback <3

  3. AvatarTaylor White

    This is a good post and all but not practical advice at all for the average person. I was so excited to see this post! I just had a baby 10 weeks ago and have been a very long time follower of the TSC and dying for your perspective on motherhood! It’s a struggle right now to stay positive and straight up learn how to be a mom. I do not feel like myself yet and hoped for some real tips here! Most people cannot have a night nurse and help during the day. The hardest part of all of this is the sleep deprivation! Of course it’s easy to still live your life if you can sleep well and have during the day. It’s those horrible morning hours when she won’t sleep and those days you can’t get anything done, even brush your teeth, because all she wants is you to hold her, that break you down. Looking forward to more mom posts that hopefully are more deep and real.

    Reply
    1. AvatarBecky

      You’re doing great 🙂 I agree with everything you said and had NO help. I hired a doula to come over for a few days at a ridiculous hourly rate to show me how to give my baby a bath and properly burp her, that is how little help I had. Follow Taking Cara Babies. She saved me.

  4. AvatarRachel

    Ok I’m glad to see some other comments that sound a little more like they’re people lol bing In the same reality as I am. A night nurse?! Who does that? I feel like she is a very privileged and unrealistic take on what motherhood actually means for most women.

    Reply
  5. AvatarMiss Kim

    I love all of this information. I was raised by strong women and going back to work after having babies is such a good thing. Your baby will fit into your life. Your life does not have to change. Working, happy moms are the best! Enjoy the most wonderful time of your lives!

    Reply
  6. AvatarCee

    Come on. This post was so out of touch! I have a baby who is a week older than Capri. We can’t afford a night nurse, I’m a full time working mom, I been sleep deprived for a year. We don’t have the luxury of having family help so we have to shell out money for outside help. We don’t have the same days off either since we try to minimize the hours of outside help we need a week. I follow Sivan and watch her IG stories. She’s always out and about drinking, having date nights, hanging with her friends. Realistically, that isn’t what life looks like for most moms. I feel like her portrayal of #momlife isn’t real at all. Sorry not sorry.

    Reply
  7. AvatarMiranda

    This post is great for bloggers who have money and means, but it feels a bit empty though. She didn’t need to write a whole long thing to tell us:

    1) Sleep schedule is important (I guess its not a mystery)
    2) Night nurse (not everyone is able to anyways)

    The rest is about her feelings and emotions, not tips.

    Reply
  8. AvatarEmily Sisco- Penny

    Never had a kid, but hoping to have one within the next year!! This was a great piece. I think a lot of women in every situation (not to mention not having a spouse with parental leave) has about the brass tax: AM I GONNA BE GOOD MOM?!

    Me like you, like so many other people commenting are thinking “shit, I’m such a bitch IRL. I’m demanding, I’m “bossy” , I’m critical…is any attitude from which to rear a spawn?

    yes

    Yes. No matter what socio economic space in which your kid is raised, they need to know respect is given to be deserved. They need to know that self care come in many forms ( getting a facial weekly, not hanging out with mean kids just because they have an ‘in’, learning meditation…”

    We preach what we practice; plain and simple. No matter what your budget, let your kid know time is to be VALUED.

    Again, great piece. My comment is off the rails.

    Reply
  9. AvatarAllison

    I had a night nurse as well. Highly recommend it. And the strict schedule is spot on. It was the only way for us,

    Reply
  10. AvatarKam

    Wtf? Night nurse? lol. Babies want their mommas @ night, not a stranger. Yeah that means you have to wake up. But big deal,
    it doesn’t last Forever. That is part of motherhood. She also said She would let the baby sleep with her if her husband “allowed it.” Allowed? Like what year is this?! 🤣
    PS Co sleeping is amazing so if YOU want
    To do it, do it.

    Reply