How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You And Follow Your Dreams
You guys !! I’m so stoked for this post.
Jo & Jacqs from Sweat & Tell are here to give us tips on…well…how to not give a fuck.
This post subject is important because I’ve always beat to the tune of my own drum & done whatever I wanted to do. It’s just in my blood, the way I was born, the way I was raised. I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again, I’m very fortunate to have grown up with parents who nurtured EXACTLY the person I am.
Point being: you’ll never make everyone happy, so make yourself happy.
We decided to a blog swap, so after you’re done reading this post head over to Sweat & Tell to hear about my top 10 hacks to keep your life in balance. Think breathwork, cold showers, asking for help & surrounding yourself with amazing people.
Today, Jo & Jacqs are here to share their top tips for doing what you want & not caring what other people think. They’re going to share their own struggles on this topic & tell you how finding their ‘why,’ therapy, self-reflection & celebrating yourself can help you follow your true dreams & passion.
Let’s get into it.
Stop Caring What People Think and Follow Your Dreams
Hi babes! Our names are Joanna & Jacquelyn & we’re the content creators/bloggers behind Sweat & Tell. You can call us by our nicknames, Jo & Jacqs!
Our page was created as a way to provide real reviews, tips & inspiration for women on their fitness journey, especially those who are working full time & experience the common conflict of trying to balance it all. We originally started our page with fitness studio classes at our core but have transitioned to showcasing basically our entire lives on social media.
As mid-twenty year olds with full time jobs outside of managing our brand, we strive to show other women how to not give a shit about what other people think & chase after their dreams.
We have both been long time TSC readers & are thrilled to be chatting with all of you today! Little does Lauryn know, the first blog post Jo ever read of hers was the one all about her breast augmentation that she found on Google through late night browsing. This blog post was real, raw & so fucking accurate. In Jo’s words “I had it bookmarked on my computer for years until I saved up enough money to finally get my own boobs done. So thank you Lauryn for convincing me to no longer be a part of the itty bitty titty committee!”
How Jo & Jacqs Paths Crossed:
We originally met each other when we were going to the same private college, Chapman University, in Orange County. We knew one another in college but we weren’t that close of friends; Jacqs was in the grade above & although we ran in the same extended circle, we just didn’t gravitate towards one another at the time.
It’s so funny looking back now & realizing that we were around each other so often – we would see each other at the local watering hole known as The District, maybe take a shot or two together at a pregame or take a distanced photo at a sorority event, but it really just ended there. Very surface level, as many college relationships are.
Although we both loved to party & have a good time, we have always been academically driven & carried an innate drive to learn, especially in a classroom setting. Jo majored in Business Administration with an emphasis in Real Estate & Jacqs majored in Strategic & Corporate Communications with a minor in Broadcast Journalism. We fucking loved our college days, it’s probably for the best that we both made it out of there in four years.
Before we move on, let’s rewind & start from the beginning so you have a bit of background on each of us & how we gained our independent attitudes all before Sweat & Tell blossomed.
Our Individual Backgrounds:
I was born & raised in Bellevue, Washington, a wealthy suburb outside of Seattle which despite its rapid growth, still feels like a small town.
I’m disciplined, tenacious & a hustler. But also have a huge heart & strive to be kind to everyone I meet. I don’t love affection but I like to show my appreciation & love in other ways. I often have to remind myself to overcome one of my biggest weaknesses, which I like to call fear of failure.
As I mentioned, the city I grew up was affluent to say the least. Although we lived very comfortably, I was constantly surrounded by people with far more than what I had. I hate to admit it, but I deeply cared what people’s opinions of me were like, what they thought of me or what people said behind my back. It was easy for me to slip into feeling like if I didn’t have the nicest new car like a Range Rover or the biggest house on the lake or the fanciest clothes (the list goes on) then I wasn’t “the best” & my self esteem would plummet.
As I grew more into my skin throughout high school, I began to realize the importance of surrounding yourself with genuine people & valuing what truly matters.
When you have an inner circle of family & friends that is compassionate, uplifting & supportive the materialistic idea of “happiness” goes out the window & suddenly becomes an idea of the past.
Now I’m living in Newport Beach & my perspective on my surroundings has completely evolved. I’m so confident & happy with who I am, & have shifted past envy to gratitude. Rest assured, I couldn’t give two shits about what people think about me now because I am so comfortable with who I am as a person, & Jacqs has helped me get there.
As a military brat, I was born in Maryland & moved to a few other states before my family settled down in Northern California when I was in the 1st grade. I am one of three girls & am very lucky to be close with both of my sisters & parents. While Jo was the perfectionist first child, I was the stereotypical attention seeking middle child. I always joke about having “middle child syndrome”. But in reality, I thank my placement for giving me my independence & psycho sense of humor. I am a mix between an outdoorsy tom boy, girly girl, thick skinned comedian, & sensitive emo chick. Contradicting much? The main thing about me is I can have a good time doing pretty much anything. But also am always reaching or planning for the next adventure. It’s a fun ride, but also exhausting.
Throughout my life I was always that happy outgoing kid. I was creative, sporty, & had killer confidence. Sometimes I try to channel my inner child to bring that back in times of stress or nervousness. As I went into high school things changed for me. I started to care more & more what people thought about me. Once again similar to Jo, I grew up in an affluent area where brands, cars, & more adult experiences were shoved in my face at every turn. To be honest it didn’t really impact me until I realized that other people cared about those things.
With new insecurities rising I got sucked into a relationship that really became my identity & although picture perfect to the outside world, internally was beyond unhealthy.
I still continued to go along & be that outgoing smiley girl. But was slowly hiding more & more of my true self & emotions. I started to put more worth in what my external accomplishments were & what people thought about me.
Once I got to college I felt like my chains were finally unleashed & I tried to really step out of my comfort zone or now in retrospect maybe tried to step back into who I really was? I was a social butterfly to say the least while also forcing myself to excel in any aspect I was involved in. Greek/social life, internships, school, you name it. I was obsessed with being successful & people thinking I was that chick who could just do it all.
Superficially I was thriving, but internally I knew I was eventually going to crack. I was trying to succeed for others, not myself. Towards the end of college I was starting to realize that my accomplishments had nothing really to do with my internal happiness. And although I still continued to be that happy-go-lucky chick on the outside, I stepped into the treacherous world of major depression.
Post grad I was still doing great to the external world (especially via social media), but slowly my depression was getting worse & worse to the point of constant suicidal thoughts.
Much to do with fear of failure, self hatred & external judgement. I can talk for hours about this ( & I have in a separate blog post here ). But depression is FUCKED UP. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. But I got the professional help I needed, got on medication & got better. Through therapy I learned a lot about the importance of the relationship with yourself first above anything else. And I now have the tools & self love to remember my worth. It helped me develop an inner peace. And now that inner happy-go-lucky child I talked about before is really who I channel today.
With Jo by my side, she keeps me level on this topic, especially when showcasing our lives on a public platform. I have ups & downs, but having her in my inner circle has helped remind me that I CAN be myself & be honest; It won’t hurt my relationships, but strengthen them. It’s been a huge power to find strength in my insecurities & has helped me feel closer to my family, friends, & myself. It’s so wild how free you feel once you stop caring so much what other people think & stop trying to fit this perfect mold of what you think you need to be. Sounds so simple, but: JUST DO YOU BOO.
How Sweat & Tell Started:
With all of that said, you’re probably wondering how we went from sorority sisters to best friends. After college, we both worked at a tech company, which was a common place for recent grads in SoCal to get hired. We both worked in a sales role & began getting closer to one another as we realized we not only had a similar job title & college background, but we actually had similar interests including fitness & our sense of humor.
We had flexibility with our work hours so we’d both get in at the crack of dawn ( like 6:30 AM ) so we could get the fuck out of there & enjoy the rest of our afternoon. With such similar schedules, we got into the routine of going to the gym & studios together after work. It started as a once a week type thing & then we mutually became obsessed with one another.
After months of studio classes under our belt, we were sitting in Jo’s cubicle one day & dreaming up some sort of Instagram where we share how we balance it all & our honest opinions of fitness studios & health trends.
Little did either of us know, we both had been running accounts on our own in secrecy & when we finally admitted it to each other it just clicked. We could feel the reciprocated excitement & that’s when Sweat & Tell was born.
Starting an Instagram page truly opened up our eyes to not giving a fuck about what people think. We’ve learned that you can’t make everyone happy but as long as you lead with integrity & kindness, you can go to bed each night knowing that you are being true to yourself. After years of leaning on one another, growing into our own, & gaining self-confidence in the truest version of ourselves, we’ve come up with five core values that help guide us to not care what people think & keep a clear head space.
How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You
5 Ways To Not Care What People Think & Follow Your Dreams:
♡ Focus on your why
Everyone goes through a period where their focus shifts out of line & they care too much about what people think. It’s human nature & usually takes a lot of trial & error & self-reflecting to be reminded of what is important.
Jacqs here to give you an example:
For a long time I cared way too much what people thought. Not only in the shallow sense of my physical appearance, what I looked like or what I was wearing, but who I was supposed to be as a person. I would try to fit this mold of what I thought people wanted me to be. This convoluted my thinking of what I actually wanted out of life & who I wanted to be. When I broke it down, the main fuel behind my motivation was to be a people pleaser – for me to impress or please someone other than myself. That’s when I started focusing on what I want, what makes me feel good & motivates me.
Stay diligent with your goals & digest your WHY behind them. Maybe it’s great you want to make a lot of money but why do you want it? It’s probably to be able to support your family, to travel, etc. Another example would be wanting to start a blog – why do you want to be a blogger? If it’s because of fame or free stuff then you will get burnt out in no time. Maybe it’s because you want to inspire thousands of people to feel their best?
Here’s our why:
We help inspire tens of thousands of amazing women to treat their body with respect & embody self love, all while balancing the many demanding facets of life. We help our community through their physical & mental health journey, all while creating a safe space that fosters strength & empowerment. To us this helps us feel purposeful & fills a void that we had before.
Understanding why an achievement is important to your happiness is an essential piece of knowledge for you to keep your motivation. To find YOUR why, ask yourself: what is your priority? Then ask why it is important to you. Then again to that answer, why does that matter to you? Keep asking until you get to the emotional root of your why. Typically it stems from something in your childhood that your current why helps you fulfill. Let that truth be your purpose & hold onto it tight.
♡ Therapy & Self-Reflection
Opening up & letting your insecurities show creates a connection & vulnerability that is so much stronger than a false perception of perfection. Whether you have something dark hovering over you or just an ambiguous need for clarity, therapy will help.
Therapy is no easy feat & it can be a trial & error to find the right therapist that you feel comfortable around. Don’t be afraid to try a few out. Jacqs went through three before finding the right one. But damn was it worth it when it finally clicked for her. Our recommendations would be to do your research on them in the front end & then do a phone session first. This way you can get their vibe before having to drive all the way to meet them in person.
Another tip is to email them an overview of what you want to work on/past trauma beforehand. It can be weird at first to talk about your issues. And it’s so much easier to type it out behind a screen before saying it in person. That way they know what to focus on before you even have to say it out loud.
Even with the weirdness, there’s a sense of safety talking to a stranger about your inner thoughts because they aren’t there to judge.
They have no preconceived notions of your world or the people in it. They are there to listen & help you not only accept your flaws but lean into them as a strength. This is something that drastically helped Jacqs through her journey. “I was always trying to present myself as the put together happy person, adjusting memories in my own mind to convince myself the same. I would put on a front to make people like me. But after taking a step back ( & with therapy ) I realized that it was actually building a wall between myself & others.”
Avoiding your flaws causes you to resent them even more & can eat away at you. This builds up to never being happy & finding your flaws as a reason you can’t be content. It also creates a type of shield to those closest to you if you aren’t addressing them & hiding.
We are both over achievers & sometimes we forget to take a moment & reflect on where we’re at in life & the progress & effort we have made to get here. We are always reaching for the next bigger & better thing. Taking a moment to look back at the progress we have made. And being grateful for what we’ve accomplished has a huge impact on our mental health.
Avoid complacency but be able to take time to reflect & appreciate where you are at in the current state. By being honest with yourself & your inner circle, you can stay grounded & keep that balance. Don’t hide.
♡ Supportive Inner-Circle
One of our favorite quotes is from a man who clearly paved his own path & couldn’t give two shits about what other people thought, Al Capone. Not that we would necessarily consider him a role model, but he had some gems to take from.
As he wisely stated, “Be careful who you call your friends. I’d rather have four quarters than one hundred pennies.” Now, we don’t share this in a way to be skeptical or dubious about everyone you encounter but it is a simple reminder to put effort into your core people & not try to uphold a certain image. One of our biggest tips is to not burn bridges but to set healthy, personal boundaries with people that you don’t find empower you. As you get older, your genuine friends really start to naturally shine out from the crowd & the surface level &/or social climbing type relationships subside ( hopefully ).
In terms of managing Sweat & Tell & maintaining our authenticity, we’ve come to realize there is a big difference between networking versus seeking fake, egocentric relationships.
Networking is a huge component of not only expanding your business, but also gaining industry knowledge & uncovering new opportunities. One thing with S&T we really wanted to keep in the forefront is the variety of collaborations we do. We didn’t want to just be social reachers & try to connect with people who would give us more clout.
We’ve always wanted to engage with other entrepreneurs who share our similar values, have a sense of authenticity & overall tenacity. Overall networking should be similar as friendships. If you don’t truly admire them as a person or at least what their business stands for, then move along!
♡ Celebrate Your Wins
This is something we have to constantly remind each other of. And it loops back into the topic of gratitude in the present. It’s so easy to get caught up in the next big thing. You reach one goal & just realize there is another one right around the corner. This is why it is important to WRITE YOUR GOALS DOWN. Not just the big fat hairy ones, but the stepping stones to get there. Is it monetary, is it connections, is it just getting to next month while still feeling like you have an ounce of energy left? Celebrate! Don’t let that milestone pass without at least some self-recognition. Let yourself have a chance to celebrate & appreciate the growth you have made.
It’s also hard to shout yourself out sometimes. We feel this in our corporate world & even working with each other. Like, we are best friends & still don’t want to brag to the other one sometimes?! WTF! Be PROUD of what you have accomplished. There is power in being able to vocalize your accomplishments & your support system should be right there with you. Also, writing down your goals will make you more inclined & comfortable with sharing them as it provides a tangible metric for you to feel accomplished.
♡ Seriously, Fuck the Haters
At the end of the day there are always going to be people who don’t like you, who are jealous of you, or are hurting inside & they take it out on others. It’s hard to not take it personally. But when you have a strong sense of purpose it makes it easy to laugh & move on.
When people are malicious & intentionally hurtful, it honestly has NOTHING to do with you, but has everything to do with that person. Their hate is being expressed towards others & is a reflection of them. Embracing this mindset has changed our lives. Sometimes we will catch ourselves reading a DM from an internet troll & screenshotting it because we’re offended. Our initial reaction goes something like “how could someone say that to us!? They don’t even know us!” Words can be hurtful & it’s human nature to take things personally. But those people don’t know who we are & it’s a projection of their own insecurities.
The only true opinion of yourself that should matter is your own.
Sometimes you need your inner circle to give you affirmations & remind you of your worth. But at the end of the day you need to be your biggest fan. That comes from building that relationship with yourself. Knowing your why, & canceling out the white noise.
Your success will prove itself. Whether it’s a rude DM over Instagram or a malicious comment made behind your back, take a minute to process it & move on. Whether you want to defend your character or just ignore it for your mental sanity, don’t spend more time than necessary focusing on someone who doesn’t deserve your attention. At the end of the day, kill em’ with kindness & the power of your ability to move forward. Know your worth & the ones who actually matter will support you. Keep kicking ass & let haters kick their own ass.
To wrap things up, when we started S&T we had a vision of what we wanted it to be.
We stayed true to our core values, but quickly learned that a perfectly curated feed with no depth is not reality & not going to bring us to the community connection we wanted.
We had to lean into our flaws. Lean into our stressors. Lean into those emo thoughts we had in the middle of the night & wrote down in our notes. That’s the real us. That’s what brings us closer to ourselves, each other, & our online community. It has been crazy to watch us share things that in the past we would have tried to hide or shy away from. Things that we used to be embarrassed by, that we now find strength in.
Nobody is perfect & to showcase that is not only a lie, but aiding to the fucked up illusion society has tried to create. Cheers to keeping it fucking real!
Jo & Jacqs
Love all those tips & hope you did too. Hopefully it inspired you to do what you want & live life on your own terms.
+ if you’re into working out at home, check out TSC Body App.
++ scope why light, movement & hydration is the key to a perfect morning.