Recently we had Dr. Jamie Zuckerman on The Skinny Confidential HIM & HER podcast to tell us all about Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
This episode was SO GOOD, like I was taking notes you guys. If you have, or suspect you have, a narcissist in your life, this one is for you. In the episode Dr. Zuckerman goes over the classic signs, cycles, and behaviors of a narcissist, and gives some tangible tips for how to remove yourself, or handle & cope with this person in your life. She also goes over what to do if it’s your significant other, friend or child who is the narcissist.
The traits of a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are not subject to interpretation. Dr. Zuckerman said a few times in the episode that they are literally all the same. Every. Single. One.
In this blog post we’re going to touch on what behaviours you should RUN from & how to cope if you’re already in it with one.
How To Spot a Narcissist: 5 Tells From Dr. Jaime Zuckerman:
♡ lack of empathy
ALL narcissists lack empathy or a really good at faking empathy. They simply do not care about how you or others feel.
♡ the rules don’t apply to them
They are greater than, therefore the rules do not apply. For things to be equal or fair, is something that doesn’t benefit them, therefore they are entitled to do and get whatever they want.
When first meeting a person with NPD, they will wow and woo you. This goes for dating, as well as friendships. Dr. Z says that if you’re seeing someone and they’re calling you their soul mate, sending you flowers, saying they’ve never felt like this before, conveniently had the same traumas and upbringing as you, and things seem too good to be true- RUN.
With friendships, lovebombing can look like constant texts & calls, sending flowers, compliments galore, etc. Essentially, they build you up quick, so they can slowly take you down. They love the take down.
If you take issue with them on any subject, they will gaslight you until you think you’re crazy. They’ll do this in front of other people, in therapy and behind closed doors. They’re good at it, and it will work no matter how smart or level-headed you are or how strong your sense of self worth is.
♡ always a motive
And that motive is always to benefit them. They love to watch people fall because it makes them feel powerful that they were the cause. Whether it’s money, success, living life the way they want, they will do whatever it takes to get it, and rip you apart in the process. Simply put, they see people as objects.
What to do:
Before I tell you Dr. Zuckerman’s recommendations for how to cope or remove yourself, it’s important to note that you should only do it if you can do it SAFELY. Some of these situations can get out of control and dangerous. Especially when someone who is trying to ‘escape’ is ready to leave.
♡ set boundaries early on
Don’t text back, don’t call back, don’t engage. Do it when you want to, but don’t feed into the person and their ‘lovebombing.’
♡ don’t show emotion
Narcissists feed off emotions so they can use them later to their benefit, whether it be for gaslighting, getting something they want from you, control etc. Keep things factual. Times, places, matter of fact. Do not ask their opinion on anything.
♡ bank account
If you’re in a romatic relationship, secretly set up your own bank account and start setting yourself up. Control is something they like, so often a partner is financially abused and doesn’t have anything in their name. If you think you might leave, get a friend to help you set something up and make sure no one else knows about it.
♡ solo therapy
Dr. Z says she never treats the narcissist, it’s always the partner, friend, parent. In the podcast she goes into why this is the case.
♡ if you’re the parent
Heartbreaking, but you need to treat your child with NPD as if they have a drug addiction. They will lie to you, steal from you, and do it all over and over again. It’s a very difficult grieving process that involves a lot of boundaries.
I found this episode to be super interesting. As I mention in the episode I do have experience with friends who are narcissists. Everything Dr. Zuckerman said rang so true. Be sure to listen to the full episode and if this sounds familiar to you or someone you know, pass it on so we can make everyone aware of what to look out for.
The craziest thing? There’s no cure. Seriously guys, go listen.
+ for more on mood disorders, check out this podcast.