Well hi, hello, it’s me Lauryn, duh, AND tonight I’ve got something up my sleeve.
Michael’s decided to guest post on DATING TIPS. GET READY; he’s honest, black & white, and straight to the point.
& he’s here to share the real deal from a male’s perspective.
On that note, hope you guys like this new fun series called ‘HIM.’ We’ve decided to launch the series in February because, hello Valentine’s! This series is targeted towards women but this post in particular is for the single ladies. Single babes need some love during the month of love, right? Anyway, stay tuned for much more because we’ll be posting some fun shit in the HIM SERIES. NOW HOLD ON TO YOUR HORSES…really though, he’s NOT holding back:
Warning this is a long post.
Ok girls here we go. This new series is going to be a fun project for me. First & foremost I want to apologize in advance for this post and then I want to say you’re welcome.
This is kind of like a fitness trainer putting someone through hell only to come out the other side with a better physique & healthier body. The reality check and hard work SUCKS but the reward is well worth it.
For years I have sat back & watched women give other women dating tips. HAHAHA! I would compare this to men giving other men advice on exactly what women think & want……………Have you ever met a man that knows exactly what a woman really wants and thinks? In my own experience I’ve learned that when I am absolutely certain I understand what a woman’s thinking, I can be absolutely certain that I am absolutely wrong!
So…I’m going to give you advice as a MAN for what men want on a date and in a relationship. It may be hard to hear, & may be even hard to follow, but trust me when I tell you, this is what the majority of men want/think. If they tell you differently it’s probably to make you feel good or to keep their ass(es) out of the hot seat. Alright, I’m going to give you 5 general tips with some sub tips that I have developed over the years… Here we go.
Don’t talk about your ex’s or old relationships:
We get it…your old boyfriend was great, or maybe he was terrible, more than likely he was both great & terrible? Nothing’s worse than going on a date with a girl who has to tell us about her previous relationship. Instead, put the focus on your NEW date. Ask him questions, ask him about his life, get interested in his job or career. Talk about something interesting in your life: what makes you unique? What ambitions do you have? Lauryn had a friend a while back that would NOT stop talking about her exes. Needless to say she only ever had EXES because of this trait.
Keep the past in the past & make a new future!
If we aren’t calling or pursuing, don’t call or pursue us ( AKA play hard to get ):
Over the years I’ve heard so many girls say, “he isn’t calling me because of this and that”. “He said he’s really busy right now & doesn’t have time but when his time frees up, he’ll call me back.”
Cold hard fact here. If a guy wants you he will MOVE a fucking mountain with his bare hands, he’ll swim across a shark infested ocean, he will even cut his own arm off just to get to you. There’s no such thing as ‘we don’t have time or we’re busy.’ This is a guy trying to be nice so that he doesn’t have to say, “hey, not interested” or he’s keeping you on the back burner.
Is this a shitty cowardly thing to do? YES.. Does it make it any less of a fact? NO.
Having two younger sisters I’ve always told them, “play hard to get, make him pursue you.” Don’t be a stage 5 clinger— this is a huge turn off for men. Where women like to be pursued, we ( men ) like to be ignored. I don’t know why this is, probably because it’s a challenge.
Men like a challenge, so don’t make it easy.
Don’t sleep with us on the first, second, or third date ( or fourth? ):
Any men reading this are probably going to scream “TRAITOR!!!” and it pains me to turn on my fellow man like this.
Like I said in number 2, we want a challenge. We want to conquer. If you sleep with us right away we have “conquered” ( that’s not a good term to use for this but you get my point, right? ) we no longer have a challenge.
In the past ( pre-Lauryn ), whenever I’d pursue a woman I’d go at it full force. It was only when they would sleep with me early on that a light switch would go off in my head & I’d be immediately un-attracted. I thought something was wrong with me until I recently read Evolutionary Psychology by Dr. David M. Buss & discovered that this reaction is actually called The Attraction Reduction Effect.
This is a quote from the book: “he is most passionate and all over me just as we meet; after we have sex he is content and doesn’t seem to miss me that much any more”.
Now that we know this is a scientific psychological effect on men, what is the simple answer? DON’T SLEEP WITH HIM RIGHT AWAY! Make it a challenge, go on a few dates, develop a relationship, & a friendship ( that’s what Lauryn did, for the record ). He will not like you more if you sleep with him right away, actually it’s just the opposite.
…Now if you’re just in it for the sex & not the relationship then go ahead & get it girl.
If you do sleep with us, go home early:
Now this is the worst. You never want to be the guy that sends the girl home after…”a nice evening”…You also don’t want to be the guy early on in the relationship that has to wake up next to a girl you’re just getting to know after a HEAVY night of whatever the hell you guys were doing the evening before…
Think about it like this, when you’re getting ready for your first dates, do you roll out of bed, throw on an old sloppy t-shirt, let your make-up from the night before drip down your face, go in with morning breath, & say “yea, this is the look, this will get him.”
Of course not!
So why would you think he wants to see you like this early in the morning when he also looks & feels like shit.
Wait a couple of weeks until you know the guy to spend the night & if you do spend the night? Set an alarm & get your ass out of there before he wakes up! Trust me. This will accomplish two things: first it will keep the attraction levels HIGH. Secondly, it will stick to our “hard to get method” which will trigger a reaction in his head that he needs you and needs to pursue you. See?!? Win, win.
If your boyfriend or new guy you’re dating wants to go out without you, encourage him:
This is probably THE biggest tip. Honestly nothing is worse than an insecure girl who thinks another girl is going to pop out of the bushes & steal their man the moment he steps out with his friends. Is this a possibility? Sure. Do you want to be with someone that will cheat on a moment’s notice? Probably not.
So based on that logic you should say, “Go ahead, go out with your friends, have fun!” We ( men ) are like children. When you tell us not to do something, we want to do it. When you say go ahead, we usually don’t.
I vividly remember a few years ago I went to Vegas with my guy friends & Lauryn said “go ahead, bye.” And while they were all raging I was outside of the club calling Lauryn. I didn’t even want to be in Vegas anymore.
Having a girl who’s confident & cool enough to let you do your thing is a real keeper…and men know it. It’s the insecure ones who will have issue after issue…after issue. Remember that.
That’s it for now!
I hope these tips are enlightening to you guys. Maybe it’s stuff you already knew. Maybe it’s stuff you knew, but didn’t want to believe. Maybe you had no idea. In any case I wrote this purely to help. Even if it may not come off that way?
I grew up with two sisters & now that I’m going to be marrying Lauryn, I have 2 more sisters ( hers ) to look after. Men are animals…we really are. Don’t make it easy on us!
Of course, I’d be really interested to hear your thoughts. Women in relationships: what are your experiences? And what do your husbands or boyfriends think of this post? Single ladies, what have your experiences been like?
Good luck and happy Valentine’s MONTH! Be back soon,
– Michael
{ photos }
you guys are the cutest.
She makes me look good!
Great tips, Michael! Love seeing his posts on Snapchat 🙂
thanks Nicole!!!
In my experience, this advice seems generally on point except the part about not sleeping together right away. I absolutely do that and met two husbands that way! I believe that there are evolutionary factors that come into play in dating but there are also cultural factors so I’m wondering if some of the advice (such as “hold off on sex”) is slanted toward an American viewpoint.
I don’t know if it’s necessarily all about the sex. I think what I am trying to say is the challenge of the chase is very important for keeping men interested. That being said, I can only speak from my own experiences and those close to me. Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate the viewpoint and opinion!
Hi Sarah! Are you french? I am and I have to say that I think exactly the same as you, it must be something cultural to hold on sex. I do that and many of my friends do it too. No one even thinks about holding on sex, if you want it you go for it and that’s it, boom!
Thanks for the advice Michael, I love your articles! (And Lauryn’s too, obviously)
Hum I made a mistake, I meant “hold off on” each times. 😉
Note, Sarah said 2 husbands… maybe it didn’t work so well the first time after all.
I neeeeddedddd this right now! It’s stuff we’ve all heard before, only in a more condensed format and more blunt. Great post!
I have found in life, dancing around subjects and speaking on code is a waste of everyone’s time! Thanks for reading and thank you for the support!
I love this post! Would love another addition about how/where to actually meet single guys. I’m wary of the online dating seem and bars just don’t do it either!
I will brainstorm on this, I need to do some scientific research. i.e. asking my single friends! Will have something soon!
Yes this ^^ Love the post, Suz!
LOVE this!! I’m excited for this new series 🙂 I’m currently in a relationship (just over 2 years) and at the beginning of my relationship I encouraged my guy to go out with his buddies because it was important to me to still have girl time with my friends. To this day my bf will still say if you didn’t have that confidence at the beginning I wouldn’t have continued pursuing you (sounds brutal but I get it!). His friends even told me then that I had their approval mostly because of that trait…. I think at the end of the day guys just want their buddy to be happy and still able to hang out without dealing with a nagging girlfriend
Exactly! So smart. Congratulations on 2 years. I am sure being a cool and confident girlfriend has played a huge part in your relationship. Nagging and complaining is the WORST!
Absolutely love this post! Excited to hear more from Michael!
Thanks Kristen! I appreciate the support and if Lauryn let’s me I will cook up some more posts!
I love love loved this! I think you are really on point. I would love your tips on how to meet more guys. I am not into dating apps, but struggle meeting new people out and about (like that cute guy across from me at the grocery store, etc.). It’s a bummer to see someone your interested in and then know that you will probably never see them again. Should a girl make the move? Should a guy? I would love your perspective on that!
Thanks for the comment Olivia! I thing as long as you don’t come off like a hungry beaver it is 100% appropriate (and actually awesome) to approach a guy. What is the worst that can happen? he says no and you never have to see him again? Trust me, us men are just as nervous approaching women, if not more. Life happens fast, take a chance! Hope this helps.
Oh my God YES to this post/series. I do feel like I knew most of it from intuition/experience but it but really appreciated hearing why is it that guys think like this. I agree with Olivia’s comment above- should a girl approach a guy? I agree with you on the chase theory, but some guys are so damn shy even when they seem like they want to approach a girl!
Hi Mackenzie, I just replied to Olivia’s comment before I saw yours! I think men and women are both in the same boat. It is hard to approach a stranger. Just take a chance, what’s the worst that can happen?
I loved the advice but didn’t you guys meet each other in like high school. From how I read it(maybe wrong here) but you guys didn’t sound like you guys dated at all besides each other am I missing something?
Hi Anon, we did meet in middle school actually and we had a 6th-8th grade romance haha! We did not date through high school (even though I tried) and we did not rekindle our relationship until our senior years in College. I had some time in between to do some “research” haha!
This is on point, brother. I have been married for 11 years and still to this day I believe all of this! My husband takes a yearly Vegas trip with his buddies for March Madness and he LOVES IT. This year some of the wives, gf’s are trying to sabotage the trip and he doesn’t even have to worry because I would never! And I have to totally agree about the sleeping with them on the first date – a buddy of ours immediately disses a girl if they sleep with him – weird, yes. wrong, maybe. But he want’s someone that respects their own body more than his! Relationships are sacred and you have to know how to keep them steady and happy!
Thank you and congratulations on 11 years of marriage, that is awesome! You sound really cool. What is the point of sabotaging the trip? The other men will look at them in a bad light, the men will leave pissed, the relationship will suffer. No point. If someone is going to do something wrong they are going to do something wrong with or without disapproval. I am glad you can back up my theories! Thank you for the support!
SPOT on!!! My fiancé and I have been together almost 5 years and have followed most of these points in the beginning of our relationship. It’s so important to have your own “me” time as well, especially if you live together!
Hi Sara, congratulations of 5 years and thank you for your feedback! I agree 100% on the “me” time. That is extremely important.
Love this series! I wish you wrote this for me 10 years ago. It took a while for all of this to click, but once it did – meaning, didn’t worry about what the guy was thinking or what everything “means” – I found somebody amazing. These tips are gold.
xo Annie
http://www.laircake.com
Hi Annie, thank you for reading! I appreciate the support and if I could go back in time in a time machine I would deliver these tips to you!
These are the best tips! I agree with one of the other comments for a post about the best places to meet quality single men. I have a boyfriend but my friends are constantly talking about how online dating is sketchy but going out and meeting men at the club/bar isn’t ideal either.
Thanks for the support Diana! I will work on something for this, I think one of the problems is trying to force it. Online dating is forced. Let it happen and it will! People have been meeting people for centuries!
Loving your guest-posts, Michael!
I myself (and girlfriends) have established one and only ONE rule that seems to apply to all men: If he is interested, he’ll be in touch (or vice versa: If he’s in touch, he is interested). I think this is close to your “If we aren’t calling or pursuing, don’t call or pursue us”.
Exactly, trust me when I say there is no grey area for us. Men are black and white women are grey!
This post reminds me of the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” and it’s all Great advice. BTW, love your snapchat feed…and I’m SOOOO glad you shaved off that creeper mustache! : )
hahahah! Thank you! I am still learning snapchat but doing my best. Sometimes a creeper mustache is just what to doctor ordered!
I have to agree with the advice in the post 100%! I would give the same exact advice to any of my single girlfriends. I know this because I lived this and now I’m currently in the most successful and healthy relationship with the best guy I’ve every met. I knew he was the one right away but played it cool. Kept busy with my girlfriends. Kept up with my daily routines and allowed him to date me once a week, twice max. We didn’t sleep together for over a month. And I have to admit, I did break one of these rules. I spent the night and didn’t leave early. BUT he was very excited about making me breakfast and taking me paddle boarding when we woke up so I chose to stick around. In the first year of dating he took a lot of guys trips. Like a lot, a lot. But they were annual trips he took with his friends long before he met me. The last thing I wanted to do was say he couldn’t go or act all insecure and make him feel bad. So I’d tell him to have fun and encourage him to go. Every single trip he’d text and call me way more than I expected. It felt really nice to feel missed and it felt nice that we had this healthy trust and understanding with each other.
Bottom line, trust this advice. It allows time to see his true colors, his intent with you and best of all, it allows time to get to know someone who might end up becoming your best friend.
Thanks for the guest post Michael! I look forward to more in this series! 🙂
Thanks for reading Courtney and congratulations on your relationship! You are my living proof! I will do my best to keep them coming!
Couldn’t agree more about guys moving mountains if they really want you.
I am always reminding my single girlfriends to stop waiting around for the ONE guy to call, honey if he hasn’t called yet it isn’t happening. So go text his bestfriend and call it even x.
HAHAHA! 100%
Michael, i like your post!!
And all your tips are so true. I’m engaged to a man who’s seriosly crazy in love with me! And i always wonder, i did nothing to this man! Didnt sleep, didnt care (when he wants to go hang out), and been really hard-to get. And Why he’s still so obsessed?
You’r totaly right. I didnt mean to follow any tips but i naturally did them and they worked.
i really appreceate and like lauryn’s personality if she played those tips right even though she didnt mean it.
I wish you guys an awesome so cool future together. x
Hi Tee, Thank you for the support, and thank you for reading!
LOVE this, and LOVE your honesty Michael! I am in a healthy, happy relationship, and I agree with you 150%! However, this wasn’t always the case. Haha! It took me years of insecurity and bullshit to learn what I wanted. Once that took place, it was smooth sailing. I will add one thing…my partner has always said “Men love to feel appreciated” (in emotional, mental and physical ways), so that is something I always aim to take into consideration. Would you agree? Love this new series!
I would agree! I think everyone wants to feel appreciated. I think if I ever wrote relationship advice as opposed to dating advice that would be on of my main tips. You need to appreciate your partner. Thanks for the comment!
Loving the post! So you said men liked to be ignored… (don’t worry, I’m not taking that too literally) So, If a guy and I have been texting throughout the day what would be an appropriate response time without being too obvious? LOL
Thanks Michael
I mean… you know when you text someone and you see the grey (…) pop up that let you know they are typing. Maybe don’t let those pop up. Give it a couple minutes. Unless you are already in mid conversation and he is engaging you heavily, then you should respond in a quicker fashion. Make sense?
I think this is probably my favorite post you’ve written, Michael. Thank you for the advice!
You’re welcome and thank you for reading!
Such a great post, Michael! I AGREE with you 100%! My husband and I have been married for 5 yrs and he still tells me to this day how he loved that I was a bit of a chase/challenge when we met. He and I feel it’s SO important to have our own girl/guy time and weekend get-aways. And so true about not having excuses for when guys don’t call/email/text. I say this to my single gals all the time. Great post!
Thank you! I appreciate the support!
Loved this. 100% true on all accounts. Love the tip on jetting out of his place the morning after if you had to sleep over. I always thought that would give him the idea that I am not secure enough with myself to let him see me without makeup but I think it is a nice thing to keep a little veil of mystery for as long as possible.
It will leave him wondering where you went and why you left, puts the ball in your court.
Okay so today in over-thinking, Michael. Because this is my exact situation *right now.* If you have a good first date with a girl, and make a second date a week away – how much texting do you want in between? Because I’ve been responsive to his texts, but haven’t really started many convos myself (thinking more along the line of the ‘let him pursue’ line). But I don’t want him to think I’m not interested because he’s popping in with a “hi, here’s something interesting about my day” tidbit and I’m not. Dating is so fun and so terrible at the same time!
P.S. Your snapchat is my favvvvvvvv (Lauryn’s too!)
Like I said, if he is interested in you more than likely he will pursue you. As for showing you are interested… you can show that you are somewhat interested but showing that you are overly interested may keep him away. Sounds like you are doing it right. Thank you for the Snapchat support!
ALL your advice is tried and true ! My husband was a notorious playboy – a famous artist who painted gorgeous women (you get the idea). He was shocked that I held off intimacy with him for almost a year. I wasn’t ready. Our relationship began as a friendship, grew naturally into a relationship and now -we’ve been married for 18 years! We nurture our relationship a lot and give plenty of space to each other. BTW – all my accomplished, beautiful single girlfriends do pester me and my hubby about where to meet single men – – we have no answers for them . They’ve tried online dating but were turned off. If you have any ideas, please share!
Wow that’s incredible, 18 years! Congratulations. I will work on a post for where to meet people. Thanks for reading!
love all your tips! 🙂 always important to hear it from a guys perspective!
I love the concept of this series and getting to hear the opinions of a guy, there are some great points – namely the importance of maintaining your own independence and not harping on about past relationships – these are great traits to develop regardless of whether or not you are seeing someone. But I do feel that article is based upon some ideas which I flat out disagree with, I may be interpreting your points in a way that was not intended, but if that is something that I have done then there is a good chance others have too.
First off – it seems that you are implying that having sex with someone equates to conquering them – a person is not something to be conquered and them choosing to have sex with you does not mean that you have done that. I have to say, if a guy loses interest in a girl due to her having sex with him then that is due to some issue within himself, it have nothing to do with what a girl chooses to do with her body and when she chooses to do it.
Likewise, to say that if a girl is only wanting sex then she can go for it, but if she wants a relationship to wait. It seems that you are advising women to modify their behaviour based on social expectations.
Ultimately this idea that women should ‘make a guy work for it’ and ‘play hard to get’ harks back to an outdated and frankly sexist idea that women should be the pursued and the man the pursuer. If a woman (or man) chooses whether or to have sex based on what their partner may think of her then she/he is only complies with the idea that they are a prize to be won or a challenge to be conquered. Sex (and any part of a relationship) is a two way street are both parties should have sex (or choose not to) because that is what is right for them, not based on what the they think they ‘should’ do.
Your point that men are turned off when girls have sex early on as having an evolutionary basis, may well be the case – men evolved with the urge to spread their seed – but we live in the 21st century and have (hopefully) overcome our urge to hit potential danger over the head with a club, caveman-style, and likewise, are not at the mercy of our primitive sexual urges.
Finally, having sex doesn’t mean the ‘challenge’ is over. The challenge that both genders face in relationships, is meeting someone where you share sexual chemistry and common values and using that to build a strong relationship on a based of friendship, trust etc. and then the challenge of balancing your goals and dreams with someone else’s and building a life around that. The challenge that you should require from your guy/girl is that they push you out of your comfort zone, pull you up on your bullshit, inspire you to be the best person that you can be, offer insight that you may not of considered, as well as stepping up to do the same for them. That is the true challenge that both guys and girls should be excited by. Not ‘the chase’ or when you get into a girls pants.
Hi Elle,
Your words cannot go unacknowledged as you make some very reasonable points here, thank you for your honest opinion. I think the last paragraph of your comment is spot on in terms of a healthy and evolving relationship; I would just hate to see a door closed before the relationship ever got to that…
I really want to highlight that my thoughts are purely tips from an admittedly male perspective. I am not here to try and change societal expectations; I’m just making my best attempt to deliver advice that caters to the reality I’ve seen more often than not firsthand. I think the first point I am trying to make and the most important is that most of the time women give tips and advice based on what they think men are thinking, which isn’t necessarily the case.
I think if you go back and read the post you will see I am not implying that men need to conquer women, I am implying that many of us seek a challenge. In this context the challenge being sex. If we get sex easily it is almost like we have conquered that hill (and like I said in the post, there is probably a better word for conquer). This is really not meant to be about conquering woman, more the challenge of obtaining sex from a woman early on in the relationship. A lot of it comes down to basic instinct, men have historically pursued short term mating goals in nature and females pursue long term mating goals. This has been developed over years of natural selection. If men do not have what they perceive to be a challenge they may move on to other challenges (in this case other women). If having the idea that men should work for a woman is sexist… well then, I guess I am sexist. It is 100% up to a woman on when she wants to have sex with a man; this tip was purely to point out that in my opinion if you give it up too early we may lose interest. Is that an issue that the man has? Probably. Does it make it any less true? Probably not.
I have no problem with you having an objection with men in general who subscribe to the aforementioned standards. I am not condoning them, let alone promoting them. I am simply shedding light on a subject that women need to be cognizant of, because acting like this advice is out of date, or that these characters do not exist in every online dating platform, or in most social settings you find yourself in, then you’re setting yourself up for a vulnerability which I am specifically seeking to combat…
Hi Michael
Thank you for responding and for clarifying on some of the things that I had questioned. You are, of course, completely right that there are men who just about the chase of sex and you were commenting on the the way that things often (sadly) do work. I certainly didn’t mean to imply that you are sexist, rather that some of the underlying ideas were based on sexist social rules.
I think that the overriding advice of ‘play hard to get’ caters to the idea that girls need to do something to keep a man’s interest. Instead, I would recommend ‘be hard to get’, not because you a looking to get a man to chase you, but because you are a strong independent women who is picky about who she chooses to spend time with as she has high standards. In some respects, it is the same outcome, but comes from a place which encourages the personal development of a woman rather than suggesting that she plays the role she thinks she needs to for a man to like her. Overall, I think the idea of a man being the persuer and the woman the persued, does not really translate well into the (hopefully) balanced partnership that you want your relationship to be. There needs to be give and take of both sides.
That being said, a previous post of Lauryn’s, gave some touching insight into the kind of partnership that you guys share (https://www.theskinnyconfidential.com/2014/06/18/love-la-la-la-mushy-gushy-crap/) and I think that it would be great insight to have some posts from your perspective on building a relationship with a feisty, strong woman, perhaps looking at the challenges of maintaining a relationship with someone who is clearly very busy with their career, the kind of qualities that inspired and attracted you at the beginning of your relationship, or the ways that you started to build the kind of relationship that you have now.
Thanks for coming back to me, and despite the critique that I offered, I am very much looking forward to your future posts.
Everything I know, confirmed by my 2 favorite virtual friends LMAO. I once met this guy in Hawaii, I really liked him and was so upset when I had to go back to Cali. He tried to sleep with me three nights in a row… and I said absolutely not, what kind of girl do you take me for? He insisted that he couldn’t tell if he actually liked a woman unless he slept with her (lies and all a ploy to see if he could make me insecure enough to give in)… I didn’t, obviously. Especially because he said that. Two weeks later he was texting me non-stop about how sexy I was because I didn’t sleep with him… and that he respected me more than any girl in the world so far. To cut the story short, he pretty much wants to marry me now, won’t leave me alone, and I am OVER him. Funny how the tables can turn so very quickly. 😉 MEN! p.s. He actually JUST text me 4 days ago. LMAO.
ahahaha nice! that’s awesome.
OH yeah, it’ll be almost a year since I’ve seen him next month. LOL.
And I literally always leave if we have a sleepover, preferably before the sleepover starts at like 3am… gotta go, BYYYEEEEEEEE.
HAHAHAH!
Love how real this post is!! Last night, Austin got a call from the guys to go out while we were in the car together on the way home from work..I said..OMG GO- I’LL DROP you off…i dropped him off, drove his truck home and he had a friend drop him off at 9..so early! they love the freedom and miss you when you let them go. win win!!!!
@stylemelauren
http://www.stylemelauren.com
Bingo.
Michael – these tips are on point and I love the Psychology book reference. Have you read the book Thinking Fast & Slow by Daniel Kahneman? He’s a nobel prize winner and summarized his life’s work in this book. He talks about cognitive biases associated with two types of thinking. You would love it and some of his theories can definitely be applied to this post! – Annie
I just picked that book up but have not yet started it! Thank you for reading! Looking forward to reading that.
This was awesome! I was cracking up reading it. It’s all so so true. I would love to see a post on keeping men interested after being together for awhile. What keeps your eye off the door after years with the same woman?
I will work on a post for this, that’s a great idea!
Love this new series! I would also like more information about ‘how to keep him’ once you do start dating. Also, a question that could maybe be incorporated into a post…. I am in the early stages of a relationship. He is 33, I’m 27. He has a successful career, he’s mature, has a house, etc. He has already asked me to move in (recently my landlord did sell my house so I’m currently in limbo) but thinks that living together would make sense financially and is the logically thing to do since we hang out so much already. In your opinion, if this is a relationship I am serious about and I want to keep him interested…..what do I do? I am more conservative when it comes to my moral and relationships…and have been raised on the sayings ‘living in sin’ and ‘why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free’…. I am personally on the fence….but feel more persuaded since he is older. Thanks! 🙂
I wish I had a short clear message on this for you. Without knowing you or your relationship, it is hard for me to say move in or don’t. Lauryn and I waited a long time to move in and I think it was good that we did. I have only ever lived with one girl (that being Lauryn) so my experience here is lacking. I think you should do what feels right, but have a back up plan!
Okay first of all love this! I already knew most of it from my guy friends but love how michael puts it straight up. Cold hard truth haha also you two ??? hottest/classiest couple award haha ??? xox
Thank you for the support, and thank you for the compliment!!! much appreciated.
No problem! & look at you replying to every single comment.. very cool of you!!
Hope your guys’ day is starting out wonderful, look forward to seeing your always entertaining snaps!
Hey Michael. Great post. Simple yet significant.
Quick question: this one guy ( who I haven’t slept with) always Asks me to get dinner/drinks or hang at the house andddd when the time comes it’s always with him and his friends! He doesn’t mention “the guys” until the day of. This has happened every time. We’ve hooked up basically every time but have I been “bro’d”?
Thanks In advance
sounds like he needs to grow up. You may have been Bro’d
After reading this, I think I have a guy’s mindset. Let me party! Also, #noclingers. And brush your teeth before you to bed (all).
HAHAHAH!
Great advice and a pleasant read. Love the advice about leaving after a sleep over! Morning breath and bad hair are for later down the road. Even after my husband and I got married, we were both still self-conscious about morning breath when we woke up and wanted to do it haha. Some habits die hard! We always have listerine strips on the side of the bed 😉
hahaha! thank you for your support and reading! That’s a legit tip on the listerine. I like it.
Hi Michael!
Loved the advice and I basically agree with you on everything you touched on. Could you give me some insight on this? I am young, pretty attractive (I do modelling too), a good kisser, and very socially adept, but it seems that every time I attract a guy it’s either the wrong ones, or else they are only interested in hooking up with me. Is there a reason why I’m not attracting the smart, stylish, successful, nice guy I should deserve?
I have dated a number of guys since I’ve been single recently and all of them after a couple weeks have fizzled away. I’m talking 2-4 dates, amazing connections and conversations, eventually leads to hooking up…then things fizzle out and they either stop calling me up, ghost completely, or make up some reason why things won’t work out. What am I doing wrong? And how can I show a man I am into having a real relationship without looking over-eager.
Hmmm without knowing you I will do my best to give you some advice. Are you trying really hard to find a guy? I guess most girls are but what i always tell the single women in my life not to force it. Don’t try and make a square a circle. You probably know deep down when a guy is wrong but maybe you are trying to convince yourself he’s right? I think patience is key.
Whenever something is not working for me I try to reverse engineer it. For example if you are having a really hard time in the dating scene. Instead of asking yourself what you could be doing to make it better, ask yourself what could you be doing to completely fuck it up? Usually when you acknowledge that information a new answer will come to light. If i had more specifics I could give a better answer.
A. Love this post – thank God for those of us still willing to speak without censorship and a politically correct filter
B. I read every comment and it seems like girls and guys can’t get enough of it!
C. How about that essay exchange between you and “Elle” – no disrespect to her, I love where her head’s at, but quite frankly her examples don’t relate to what it’s really like out there. Save the gender equality rants for the college lecture halls, Michael is giving advice for THE REAL WORLD and if you have your nose wedged so deeply in between feminist journals to not notice that guys want to hit it and quit it, “just like the caveman before them did” well then I’m just going go ahead and flat out warn your friends taking advice from you that your opinions are literally TOXIC. Michael that response was well thought out, super respectful, and just seals the deal on the legitimacy of this post!
This is a platform that speaks the truth – Michael and Lauryn you two rock – thanks for being you… the REAL you!
We are seriously just trying to be AS REAL AS POSSIBLE. Not everyone is going to like it BUT I’m so happy you like it ; ) xox
Carly,
A. Thank you! sometimes i wonder if I am too blunt but I really don’t know how to be any other way. I appreciate the support!
B. I am really happy if this can help anyone!
C. Elle is entitled to her opinion but I disagree with her. I do appreciate a good debate though!
Will keep doing my best to keep it real!
Michael, did you ghost write the book Why Men Love Bitches?? Haha awesome advice- just brought up your points to my boyfriend and he said he agrees with all- especially not mentioning ex’s, men loving a chase, and having the confidence to let him go out and do his thing!
Haha, you caught me! I think it will be hard to find men that disagree!
OMG this post is so REAL! I love how REAL it is. I CANNOT GET OVER IT. It’s so REAL.
HAHAHA! realest shit I ever wrote (2pac line). I am glad you liked it! thank you for the support!
Great I think..Nice work!!
Thanks BRE!
Thank you so much for this post Micheal! I’ve been reading the comments and your responses because I’m a creeper and need to know more information. You and Lauryn are so lovely! I wish we were friends! *says this in the most non-creeper way possible*. I am honestly sick of the filters we use when communicating with others. It’s important to be kind and respectful, and I get that we do it to protect ourselves too, but I think it’s also an insult to treat people like they will get offended or not understand if we share our thoughts. Your post is smart. There is no bullshit. I’m tired of bullshit. OWN WHO YOU ARE. And own your words. We explore, we learn, we fuck up, we love, repeat. We take ourselves too seriously sometimes.. We need to take a little advice from Pixy and Boone.. they seem so chill and loving life hahah. Anywaaay, sorry, I don’t know if I’m making sense lol, but thank you for this! Keep these coming please! Also, your snaps and Lauryn’s are hilarious! And this is my motto: When you’re working your ass off to look so good, you don’t have time to deal with fuckboys, HAHAH. If a person isn’t willing to put in as much effort as you, what’s the point? You are wasting time you literally can’t get back. Find someone that will see you as their equal, challenge your bullshit, and love your quirks and weird. I think you have found that in Lauryn and Lauryn in you. Okay, I’m done! Lots of love to you both! *goes off to share your post with everyone* xo
Mels,
Thank you for reading and thank you for your support! Nothing creeper about it! I have never been into filters and I think it’s a huge disservice to dance around the issue or not speak your mind. What is the point of that? It wastes everyone’s time. I think it’s actually disrespectful to do that! These days everyone is offended by something so I say just do and say what you want! I only listen to Pixy and Boone.
Michael should have a spin off blog called “Susan’s Diary.” How hilarious would that be?! He can talk about his new found love for snap chat and give us insights into what men actually think about, like junk food and being tired of taking our Instagram pictures.
Also, what does Michael do for work? I kind of always imagined him as your blog photographer or something like that lol.
Hi Jessica,
Maybe if we came up with a better name! haha! I would describe myself as a serial entrepreneur without going into too much detail I run multiple businesses in the advertising, investment and retail sales space. I have a company called JetBed, Inc. which I run with my dad as well which provides bedding for commercial and private aircraft. I am also heavily involved in the day to day of Lauryn’s brand and business. As for photography I am useless but plan on learning this year!
Hi Michael!
Kick a$$ advice that I believe of all of us gals could use from time to time! I know some other girls commented above about how to meet single guys outside of the online /dating app scene. I just got out of a long term relationship where I moved to a new city for a guy (long story) and now am not only in a new place but also trying to get back into the dating scene. I have always met guys traditionally. I am extremely outgoing and have always just met people through friend groups etc… but have been finding it more and more difficult nowadays with how SO many men and women use the dating sites/apps. Drives me nuts! So, to encourage your next post… would love to hear your thoughts on ways to meet new men!
PS loving the snap chat action – even though it annoys Lauryn it’s extremely entertaining! haha
Hi Mikelle,
Thank you for taking the time to read! I think I am going to work on a post for this, there have been a decent number of questions on this. Thank you for the snapchat love!
I LOVE this! I think the not sleeping with him part is amazing advice. It’s one thing I’d say I’m good at, and it ALWAYS works. The one time I gave in, it totally fizzled with the guy I was talking to. KEEP MAKING THESE, KEEP BEING REAL, IGNORE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS, AND BE AS BLUNT AS POSSIBLE!!!!!!
Hi Zella, Thank you!! I will keep them coming the best I can!
You guys are seriously two fucking peas in a pod. The way you write your posts Lauryn is the EXACT same way you talk to us in your snapchat/youtube videos. Michael- you do the exact same thing, I love it! Whenever I read your posts (and now Michael’s) it feels like I’m having an actual conversation on the topic rather than just reading something directed at me. Looking forward to more from this series. Thanks for the bluntness Michael, a gal needs it every once in awhile.
Hi Victoria! Thanks for taking the time to read this. I am glad you liked it. I am just starting to navigate my way through this whole writing/blogging thing so your support and feedback is really appreciated!
So excited for this new series!!!
I couldn’t agree more with everything said, especially the part on insecurities- that’s something we all need to learn! Can’t wait to read this to my boyfriend later haha
Love, love the two of you and all this realness
HI Stefanie,
Insecurity is the worst! For both men and women! Would be interested to hear what he thinks. Cheers.
This is such great advice Michael! I implemented some of these tips a few years ago and I am getting married next month! I only wish someone would have told me sooner so I didn’t waste so much time making the above said mistakes. But you live and learn! Hope to see more posts like this in the future! It always helps to hear relationship tips from a guy’s perspective (but classy guys of course).
Thanks Jenny, I am glad you like the post. Congratulations on your marriage. I will do my best to deliver some more posts!
Spot on! Looking forward to reading your future posts, Michael!
Thanks so much for thinking of us single ladies during February! I loved this post and I hope you continue to do dating/guy advice in general! I would love a Q and A session where your readers are able to send in questions and get advice from Michael (or Susan, whatever you are feeling in that moment). Also, tips and tricks when you are in the very beginning stages of a relationship (what are some good questions to ask, favorite date ideas, etc).
Keep it up you two!
Hi Avery, thanks for the message. I will try and put something together for another post that addresses all of your comment!
I already love this series, thanks Michael! I have been in a relationship for 3 years now, but I think a lot of these tips still apply! Always encourage each other to go out and have fun, even if you don’t both go together. Also, it never hurts to make guys continue to work for it occasionally 😉
Thanks for reading and commenting Camille!
What if you really like the guy but too many drinks led to sex right away and that is very rare occasion for you? Is it too late? Did you screw up? Now guy only sees you as a sex object?
That’s not necessarily true. I would not look at it as a screw up. Maybe just chalk it up to a drunk night and then work from there. These tips can still apply.
This is the greatest ever. I love the way you and Lauryn write. Readers can completely understand your personalities from your words and the both of you don’t hold back on the truth. It’s hard to find blogs that don’t sugar coat everything just to “fit in” with the others. I love the honesty and it’s the very reason I keep reading! FYI panicky Susan’s snaps are f-ing hilarious
We definitely don’t sugar coat hahaha! I’m so happy you like it, Kaleigh!! XO : )
haha thank you for the compliment! I am definitely not the type to try to “fit in”. Thank you for the snapchat support, I am still learning!!!
Michael,
Congrats on your first real post! Killed it, really. All on point, so true and great advice. Love it, lived it and still after 17 years of marriage get it! Cheers to you & Lauryn on a lifetime of love ?
Thanks Erika; you’re the cutest!
Erika,
Thank you for the compliment. I won’t lie, I wasn’t sure how all of this advice would be received but overall it has been pretty positive!
This has been my favorite post by far! So excited to see what you have in store for the future. This really helped me because I’m going out with a guy I’m interested in on Friday and I’ve never been in a relationship before. Hearing all of this advice from a man’s perspective is the best! Keep up the amazing work, Michael!
I’m really, REALLY we can help in any way in this arena! : )
Thanks Dee!
Good luck on your date, you will kill it.
This is so great!!! Michael – What if we have made the mistake of sleeping with a guy too soon.. Is there a way to come back from that and keep him interested?
Hi Nichole,
I don’t want you to take this advice and think that you completely screwed something up if any of these tips were not followed. I think this is more of a general guideline and life hack to help smooth the dating process with the end goal being a significant relationship. That being said, you can keep him interested, just apply this stuff moving forward and you will be fine. Does that make sense?
Hi Michael and Lauryn!
Wow! Thank you so so much Michael for this insight, I am such a huge fan of you guys and look up to you! Love following you guys on snap chat! Thank you for your realness and this has been amazing, I look forward to more posts and tips regarding dating for single women. I have not had very much luck in the dating department and always seem to fall into the same trap. I would like to get insight from a guys perspective on long distance flings (if that makes sense) and or the reason as to why guys will stop talking to you then come back months later and what their communication style says about them.
Thanks again for this post and I cant wait for future posts (and your snaps) haha 🙂
Jean
Jean, thank you for the compliment!! Whenever you are stuck in life and whenever you aren’t getting the results you want, I think it’s best to stop and analyze what you are doing. For example if dating has been tough, stop and try to analyze what the common problem has been and work to eliminate that issue. I think sometimes it’s hard to logically analyze this kind of stuff when it comes to dating and relationships because of how much emotion is involved. Hope this helps!
Thank you so much for your advice, I truly appreciate you taking the time to respond, it means a lot! Look forward to more of your posts, I def would like/need more posts like this!
Love this post! Wish I could get my single 27 year old sister to read this..lol
But I for sure slept with my man before the first date, oops. But I also had previously been in a 6 year relationship and just wanted to have fun. Little did I know my random bar hookup would turn out to be the guy I didn’t know I needed. But all these points are spot on. Love all the collaborating you two are doing lately. It’s making TSC that much more amazing, and I did’t even know that was possible.
Thanks Emily!!! Tell your sister to take a read, I would be interested to know what she thinks!
Loved this post! I’m in my first long-term relationship, and it wasn’t until I finally started doing the things Michael points out that I landed the guy of my dreams. I think most women KNOW this stuff, but it’s a whole different ballgame actually following this advice. Looking forward to more HIM posts!
Congratulations on your relationship, that’s awesome. It really is harder to stay disciplined (in any field) when it comes to tough advice. What is crazy to me is how we as humans can see positive results (in any aspect of life) and still fight and deny things that are proven to work. Anyways… that’s a topic for another day. Thanks for reading!
Michael,
I so appreciate how real you get. I’m glad to hear from a man’s perspective that I’m not being a prude and I’m actually playing my cards right (while respecting myself). Thanks to this post I finally let go of guys I’m still waiting on and I’ve even gained more confidence in myself. Honestly, thanks so much. Even in your responses to other comments, so helpful.
Thanks! Can’t wait to hear more.
P.s. You and Lauryn are #relationshipgoals ??
Nidia,
I so appreciate you reading and appreciating how real I get! I tried to write this first from my own experiences and those of my friends as well. Then I tried to think about what I would tell my sisters or a close girl friend. Once I knew this was the advice I would actually give to the people close to me, I figured I may as well write it like this because anything else would be bullshit. Cheers!
Great new series!
XoXo,
Tamara
Thanks Tamara!
Michael,
I think you make very valid points that are telling of human nature and our psychology. I intentionally waited 3 months (not necessarily suggesting this for anyone!) to be intimate with my current boyfriend of a year plus. Before we had met he had been in a string of casual on and off again relationships without any real substance. I think the act of waiting registered with him that our connection was different and of value. Value is determined by rarity. The fact that I did not sleep with him within the first month was rare by comparison. By the time we were intimate we had developed an awesome relationship backed by deep emotions. While the “conquering” has taken place, we have a solid connection to further propel the relationship. Thanks for the straight forward advice!
🙂
That is a disciplined man! haha! I agree, at some point a relationship should be more abut sex. If you don’t have a friendship and mutual respect for each others thoughts, ideas, and opinions it gets pretty boring. Congrats on the relationship!
Michael,
Firstly, loving your snaps, and I love the banter between you and Lauren! Reminds me of myself and the hubby. I, 100%, agree with all of your advice. We have been married for 10 years, and the hubs still talks about how he left a voicemail on my answering machine, and I waited 24 hours to call him back! I’m aging myself here with my answering machine comment! Lol! I consider myself to be a somewhat hip 35 year old! After a relationship has been established, I think it’s important to flirt, and keep it hot, as well. Congrats and many blessings to you and Lauren! Not sure if you have heard of the book, Wild at Heart, but it is about men and how they are wild and love to conquer in many aspects of life. Love, work, etc. I completely understood the “conquer”context you meant in your post. He also wrote a book called Captivating, which is about women, and how we are much more complicated, and how we love to be chased or desired. Both books are pretty much what you wrote in a nutshell with a Christian perspective. Not trying to impose any beliefs, just came to my mind since I’ve read them both and after reading your post. Love this series!
Lori,
Firstly, thank you for the snap support! and thank you for taking the time to read this. Lauryn used to tell me she was coming over and I would wait for a few hours, staring out the window like a dog left at home. Then after a few hours I would call her and she would be asleep! It drove me nuts!!!! Those books sound interesting, I will check them out!!
Michael and Lauryn – you two definitely have great relationship vibes and I love your style and writing. This is the first time I’ve commented but this topic definitely hits hard with a lot of women. I remember growing up reading Seventeen magazines with articles like How to Make Him Yours etc etc and it was always bullshit and I never learned anything. I learned a lot about guys after my first relationship yet still watch a lot of my beautiful single friends constantly make the same mistakes you, Michael, highlighted in your post. Have you ever heard of Tom Leykis? He was on the radio in LA in the lineup with Adam Corolla and Howard Stern before Satellire radio took over. He talked about everything you discussed and while women didn’t like to hear it, it was the truth. People can argue ethics and sexism all they want, but there’s still the cold hard truth that male and female relationship perspectives is just different. Eventually we grow up and figure it out, most of us anyway. 😉
Hi Sarah, thank you for the compliment and for taking the time to comment. It’s funny you mention those Seventeen magazines. I did not remember an exact magazine but I always joke with Lauryn when we are in a rite aid or grocery store and I see those magazines “look more women feeding other women more bullshit about how to get men” I think those magazines prey on peoples emotions and they suck. They don’t do any good. I have not heard of Tom Leykis but I love AC and HS.
I have a really hard time when people argue any of the isms. I feel like those arguments are a huge problem in this country. People use isms to promote ideologies (which in my opinion are a huge problem). It removes all logic, reason and science from the topic (or at least it tries to) We live in a real world and even though we may not like some of those realities they are still non the less true.
Eek. I needed this. Tomorrow I turn 32 and I am literally that girl that everyone meets and is like “omg how are you single?!” ummmm because I do everything wrong! Whoa. And the funny thing is I give all this advice to my girls, but I don’t follow it myself. Best post so far, Susan, thank you thank you!!
Hi Jessica,
Happy bday! It’s hard to take our own advice, I catch myself all the time giving advice that I believe to be right and then doing the opposite in my own life. Thanks for reading the post!
Over the years I’ve heard so many girls say, “he isn’t calling me because of this and that”. “He said he’s really busy right now & doesn’t have time but when his time frees up, he’ll call me back.”
Cold hard fact here. If a guy wants you he will MOVE a fucking mountain with his bare hands, he’ll swim across a shark infested ocean, he will even cut his own arm off just to get to you. There’s no such thing as ‘we don’t have time or we’re busy.’ This is a guy trying to be nice so that he doesn’t have to say, “hey, not interested” or he’s keeping you on the back burner.
MIC DROP.
Go Michael go!!
love this post!
HAHAHA! Thanks Krista!!!
Great post, Michael! You have a voice that resonates genuine altruism and it is very appreciated. You’re like the big brother I wish every girl had. I’ve seen so many girls and women stuck in back-burner land and it’s so painful because whyyyy!!! I feel like I’m politely blunt with these ladies but you can only be so blunt before you come off as a b!tch and you can only hear so many delusions before wanting to cut them off for life. I hope your advice through the HIM series will help many women gain insight and empower those who need to leave the trash behind.
In my humble opinion, I think a future post on a guy’s evolution through his twenties would be invaluable. I’m in my late twenties now and I’ve experienced how different a 21-year-old’s mindset can be from a 27-year-old’s. I think a lot of the younger readers should know that there is big difference between a boy and a young man and that they won’t all be derps forever- jk! I’ll admit we can be derpy sometimes too.
Keep up the great work!
First I love that you used the word Altruism. Educated! Second thank you for your comment. I hope this series does nothing but help and I will work on some new content to touch on some of the ideas you are writing about. Thanks!
Hey Michael,
I grew up with cousins (who were more like brothers) and they gave me the exact same advice growing up. It really is great advice and has made it much easier to develop and maintain a great relationship. Thanks for sharing!
Leigha, thanks for the comment and thank you for reading!
LOVE this. ALSO, where are you guys going in those model-y pics?? haha, looks like you’re on a mission!
haha! we are going to take more pics of course. 😉
These are all such great tips – and a post I needed to read a few years back when I was either single or settling & dating just meh guys. I absolutely loved this post & the bluntness! – both you & Lauryn have such awesome voices and writing styles and this may sound weird/creepy but it’s so obvious how well you two vibe together. You should get into blogging 😉
I echo a lot of these, and I currently am in an awesome relationship for years with someone great. To be honest, I found what makes us both work so well is that we are two individuals who choose to in a relationship with each other- simple as that. I have my life 100%, he has his 100% and so together we are 200% which is pretty rad. At the end of the day, it’s more than a relationship, but a partnership. Granted, it all seems so obvious, but it probably took me the majority of my 20s and kissing lots of frogs (& not taking all the advice you mentioned above) to figure it out. Looking forward to more of the HIM series!
PS – LOVE the black dress in the photos, Lauryn! That notched neckline is amazing & so chic with the tee! xx
Hi Shannon, thank you for the compliment! I am working on writing a couple more pieces, I never thought I would enjoy writing as much as I have been. I read so much but never thought about writing. Weird right? Congratulations on a successful relationship!
Hi Michael,
I love your posts, particularly this one! I have a question…I was in a relationship with a guy who soon after meeting me, was already hinting at long-term. He was about to graduate law school and was studying for the bar.
Eventually, the stress of graduation and studying for the bar started to get to him as it got down to the wire. As far as our relationship went, he’d say he wanted to continue to date me, but couldn’t be ‘official’ right now because he was going through a ‘tumultuous time’. He even said that maybe we’d be official again in the future. I totally get this was a stressful time for him…but I still couldn’t help but think of what my dad always taught me – if a man loves you, he will do anything to keep you around. What do you think? Was he putting me on the back burner, or is there an exception to the rule?
Hi Katie, I hope this isn’t to blunt but that’s a definite back burner line. Remember what I said about moving mountains etc. Your Dad obviously has your best interest at heart and he’s also a man. I would tend to agree with his advice. Hope this helps.
Read post word for word again. It is 100% on point!!! I’ve raised three daughters, been “that MAN” and advised my daughters, both woman and men friends on each these great and important advice points. You’ve consolidated it and made it so simple, that ANYONE should of be able to comprehend. Unless they’ve been living it in their groundhog day behavior. I note your response/quote to a reader:
“I am simply shedding light on a subject that women need to be cognizant of, because acting like this advice is out of date, or that these characters do not exist in every online dating platform, or in most social settings you find yourself in, then you’re setting yourself up for a vulnerability which I am specifically seeking to combat…”
because it is so on point. Things around people change however, human nature, behavioral mistakes and choices when it comes to relationships has not since the caveman with that club.
Hey Bre, thanks for reading, and thank you for your comment. Although I agree that we live in an ever changing world and I agree that we are constantly evolving, i think it’s still important for people to remember that the word is “evolving” not evolved. We have not yet stopped evolving so our basic instincts as human beings still ring true. This is why I try to give advice based on some of the most basic male instincts. Cheers!
Fun post! I feel like I learned my lessons/figured these out the hard way but just in time before I went off to college. Fast forward to my husband and I being together for 11 years and I still try and master these tips 😉 How do you transition these tips to married life/long term relationships? i feel like I have a good handle on it, but no harm in learning more!
Hi Marlo, I will work on a more comprehensive post for the transition into a long term relationship. After years with Lauryn I probably have a lot more to say about that than I do about dating. I have also learned many things the hard way, nobody is perfect!
I’m going to love this series!!!! Welcome Michael 🙂
I always always tell my girlfriends than men love independent women… have your own thing going, your own friends, passions, plans, etc.
The sex timing thing is a toss up… I’ve seen it go both ways… I think it’s more about how someone acts more so than the actual timing, or how well you know the person… I’ve known my husband since high school (didn’t date, just had mutual friends), so I def wasn’t a stranger… but considering he was a player throughout high school & college and wasn’t big on girlfriends, I slept with him the first night we hung out because I had no expectations… however, it’s been 8 years and 3 years of marriage and he couldn’t stay away ;-)… I would say if you JUST met a guy, sex right away does send a certain message and he can draw conclusions about how you are in general before getting to know you.
Agree 1000% about letting him have his own time with friends… and frankly, I need my alone time! haha
Hi Jen!,
Thank you! I agree with you that there is no set in stone formula, this post was more about what I have seen or experienced in the majority of dating scenarios that I have been exposed to. I think developing a relationship outside of sex is key to long term dating. Cheers!
This is such a great post! I recently (well not recent; 4 months ago) became single and i have been thinking of dating again, however men are very hard to read. This post has actually opened my eyes to what men are actually thinking. Best Tip – Leave after sex. Hahaha that awkard morning after is enough of embarrasment to end the flirting. Haha. Thank you for this post Michael and Lauryn! xoxo
Kelly, I hope this post made the ideas on reading men a little simpler for you. Although we may act complex and complicated I think the majority of us are much simpler than we let on. Try and read a woman as a man! Impossible. The awkward morning is the worst, for both parties!
Good piece Michael. Its interesting to see the common point of dissension being a number of the female responses regarding your advice to not sleep with a man on the first date. I think the point you are making is being missed, as much as men want to get laid, they really don’t want to marry or be in a long term relationship with a woman that would sleep with a guy on the first date. And not for the reason most women think, its not because guys think sleeping with a guy on the first date is “slutty” (its not my opinion by the way, and guys love women who enjoy sex). The real reason is men love to pursue challenges, solve problems and enjoy intrigue , its in our blood, we are genetically predisposed for the hunt. So I don’t think sleeping with me on the first date necessarily takes away the intrigue and ends the hunt, just keep in mind it is a big part of the hunt… Focus on the things that keep us intrigued and challenged, as you said Michael we like to move mountains. I think the same goes for any relationships – same sex included
Hey Steve! Thank you for the comment. I think you hit the nail on the head with what I was trying to express. The hunt is a good way to put it, it has nothing to do with being slutty. Cheers!
What are your thoughts on online dating specifically in SD? I moved from SF three years ago and the majority of guys seem to be laid-back and happy to have many options on these dating apps.
Hi Jasmine, I do not have any experience with online dating first hand. I have some single guy friends that use tinder. I think if you were to meet any one of my single guy friends on tinder… my advice would be to follow the advice above. Definitely.
Love this! More posts from Michael please.
Thank you!!!
Serial…amazing advice. Definitely feel like I try to be a pretty cool chick all around, but we all need a refresher course! Thanks Susan, you da best.
Thanks for reading Ashley!!
Great post Bosstick…
You spoke the truth, every guy like a challenge!
Terry
Thanks Terry, If any single girls are reading this… Terry Asher is on the market!! instagram: @terryasher. One of my best buds and an all around great guy! Not too hard on the eyes either! haha! Go and test this advice on him if possible.
Thanks a lot !!! That’s so helpful and so great to hear this from a man.
Thanks to Lauryn too!
Cheers guys.
C.
Hi Celine, you’re welcome!! Thanks for reading!
Fun discussion and great article! 🙂
@Anne-Alexandra, yes, I am part French.
@Kari F… Lol the reason my first marriage ended was not because I slept with him right away. It was because he didn’t want kids. We were married 10 years.
First and foremost-Michael I think you are great, Lauryn you are amazing and the two of you keep it so real…love it. I think this post is spot on. I’m 21, senior in college, and dated a hockey player for nearly 2 years…I could write a book about what I’ve learned about men and the tragic ways in which women think they are attracting men.. On that note I think your spot on and my bf (and his teammates) would all agree. But on that note I really appreciate the relationship you and Lauryn have, and I would like to hear more advice on relationships…in all different areas from a male point of view but also as a male a relationship…I look forward to reading more!
Hi Michael!
Thanks for advice! You may have already covered this in the other comments but … I met a guy on a trip which ended up in a drunken hookup… He lives in AZ and I live in FL so I honestly didn’t expect anything out of it… it’s been two weeks and he’s reached out to me every day since. So now is it safe to say this has evolved into “something”?… he’s also made initiative to see each other again not only soon but also further along in the year. So I guess I just need the reassurance that he’s not just looking for another one night stand? lol thanks!
I am usually a big fan of your blog and your posts but this one was a bit upsetting for me. Seriously, is this Cosmo?! I felt like this represented a misogynistic and patriarchal view of dating and relationships which was disappointing to see on a website that I would normally characterize as supporting female empowerment/Lauryn as a girl boss.
I LOVE LOVE LOVED reading this!! I thoroughly enjoyed watching Panicky Susan at the airport the other day. You should listen to Lauryn though and have a few drinks on vacation 🙂
I have a dating question!
What are your thoughts on girls offering to pay on the first date, 2nd date, 3rd date…etc. I am a HUGE fan of chivalry and if a man lets me pay so early on, I most likely won’t go on another date with him. Its sort of like a test….but sometimes I don’t like the outcome. Soooo what are your thoughts on a woman offering so early in the dating relationship…so “dating-ship”?
Those are clearly specific steps that can be taken but a more succinct way to summarize this is for women to have their own life life and sense of self. This lowers the stakes for putting yourself out there. Just be friendly, meet nice guys in good places but keep your own agenda and something will click with the right person.
Well said Susan❤️❤️ I was reading this to JASON word for word as we have spoken about these exact same principles on dating and men. Jason has four sisters and he always got advice from them growing up, as well as helped them through many rough times with guys. He also has the fortunate opportunity to have a lot of Lady friends. When we first started dating I applied all these ideas to my relationship, not really by choice but kinda because we lived on two sides of the US lol. However, off the bat he was upfront and told me the things that he was “Down” with and what wouldn’t “fly”. He also said that he would always be honest with me…even if that meant me getting my feelings hurt Etc. but that lying wasn’t an option. I felt like he was Blunt but also freaking appreciated that he had the balls to be direct. One thing I always was fascinated by was his advice and bluntness with his girlfriends! I constantly ask him questions about guys vs. girls, and we laugh at the fact (which you some humorously pointed out)that women always give each other this BS advice and we always, always, sugar coat the excuses and reasons the guy isn’t calling or asking us out. I tell him all the time that he needs to write this shit down, that we need to host a call LOL or having a meeting for all the single gals and let him tell them the truth and harsh realities. I’m really happy you guys made this and couldn’t agree more with your advice. Jason is totally giving you a cyber high five. Lol. Keep up the awesome work on HIM and never ever second guess what you say. You are spot the fuck on and it’s awesome.
yes Yes YES! So much yes about this. Thank you, Michael. I have been screaming these tips from the roof tops for years and I am glad it is out here for thousands of women to read! I cannot stand when my girlfriends come crying to me asking why he isn’t ready for a “label”? Sorry to say this but… why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? XP
Michael, kudos here! Keep the real advice coming – hard though parts might be to hear. I’m newly in the dating pool again after a looong relationship and will be looking to you for help. : )
Loved hearing your views and letting us know what guys like. Not going to lie, there are some times where I would get a little frustrated at my ex, when we were dating at the time, when he would go hang out with certain people, especially girls. I am learning now that in my future relationship to be more open and not get butt hurt if my guy decides to go hang with another girl just as friends. In regards to your comment about letting the guy pursue you instead of trying to pursue him, what if he is a shy guy? Should I still continue to wait on him to keep making moves?
I’m obsessed with this advice. I hate girl advice – giving and receiving. Let’s just be honest, it’s simple!
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iam having a hard time looking for a girlfriend there are 7 girls they broke my heart even we havent met iam looking for a partner we 11053 sharp ave mission hills are cross st seven adventist are number [818]639 63 79 do you think some girls will give me a chance someone will learn to love me iam so lonely lets meet were we leave iam so lonely i need someone will make me laugh can cheer me up will make me smile will make happy do you think all the girls the right girl will be by myside iam looking for a partner do you think theres girl out there will give me a chance learn to love i used to leave in the phillippines now ivebeen living here in the states for 11 years do you think all the girls can make happy do you think the right girl will come cause iam lonely iam looking for the right girl so i wont be lonely iam a sweet guy when they get to know me i just want someone will love me give me a chance iam looking for the right one if you want to rich me or contact me heres my number [747]230 12 66 txt me if youre interested someone like me all the girls please give me a chance so we can get to know someone like me even we havent met inperson my to aunt and my mom they dont know what I’m going true i dont want tobe lonely iam a nice guy when you get to know someone like me are parents race us well tobe a better person so all the girls can you help me heal my broken heart so i can prove myself to all of you girls i have a son g for you one call away i have a song for you nothing gona stop us now i have a song for you it might be you there a message I’m glad i found you I’m not gona lose you i dont want anyone to lay ahand or lay a finger i dont want anyone to harm i also dont want anyone to touch you or hurt you cause youre precius to me someone like me if youre home alone please i advice you dont open the door some thing bad might happen to someone like you i wont let that happen to someone like you i have were ever you please take good care of youre self cause i care about you for youre own protection you need a pepperspary cause if we were not formally introduce to each other i have 3 words for you i love you mylove for you is real can i have youre number michael edward corpuz lucas limon mike is my nick name you can call me michael or mike iam a nice guy you can trust me iam a catholic i belive in god are you all girls catholic do you belive in god my 2 aunt and my mom they dont know what I’m going true i have a good intention towards all of you girls youre sweet down to earth kind someone special even we havent met iam lonely i told myself if i dont end up with someone like a girl ile lose hope ile give up if I’m still single if i have a gun ile shoot myself if i have a knife ile stub myself 10 times i have no chance with all of girls ile kill myself or suicide to let you know my 2 aunt and my mom they dont know my situation idrather die than to leave suicide michael limon
So if you did sleep with them too quickly. is it completely over?
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Love it.
However, all this screams “insecure girl.”
What about girls that are secure that go after the guy? That have no problem letting a guy know they like him. Yet they hold their own.
What do guys think about bold girls yet smooth?
I think that girl sounds like the total package. x
Very nice photos. Very good blogpost.
I love this! Also I kid you not there is a profile on tinder that has Micheal in it!!
https://groups.google.com/d/topic/soc.culture.spain/_Z4-DrkQBsw
Thanks for sharing these tips. It helps people to avoid lots of costly mistakes.
Hi Lauryn,
WOW! Quite a controversial post. So many ways of looking at life. Have things gone too far?
Great post regardless. Well done.
Cheers Sharon…
Thanks for sharing such useful information. I really appreciate your blog post.
thanks for sharing this post I love it.
thanks for the update.