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IT’S COOL TO BE KIND…& Some Words on Amanda Bynes

amanda bynes | by the skinny confidential

Uhhhh…UHHHHH!! What is wrong with the Internet sometimes?

That’s right, sometimes it’s so hard for me to keep my BIG ( big ), fat mouth shut. But you know that.

Here’s the situation: the other day I was aimlessly scrolling through Facebook & stumbled upon a post on Amanda Bynes.

( You know Amanda Bynes. She was most likely on your television screen circa 1999 starring boldly in The Amanda Show. Or maybe you recognize the name from She’s The Man or What a Girl Wants– kind of cult classics in the MID-ISH 2000’s. Or you may remember how she sort of went on a Twitter rampage after quitting acting ( ex. “I want @drake to murder my vagina.” – I thought she was being witty & I liked it. Seriously- I mean I feel like a lot of girls would like Drake to murder their VJ so it’s not too far off ).

Quick refresher: Amanda was arrested twice & went through a lot in front of the media. Stuff that no one should have to go through in front of millions of people. She struggled, like all of us do at one point or another, in a very public way. Many speculated she was using drugs. She ended up going to a treatment center that specialized in mental health. Obviously we will never know the entire story because it’s her story…As it should be ).

Where was I? Ahhh, why the Internet can be MEAN FOR NO REASON.

So I’m scrolling.

You know the type of scroll. The kind where it gets BLEEK. Like you’re in bed stuffing your face with coconut macaroons ( try them, they’re REALLY better than sex ) with a handful of dairy-free dark chocolate chip morsels while half ( ok maybe 1/3 ) paying attention to Billions as you scroll through social media going way deeper than ever anticipated. Just me? Hmm.

::scrollity, scroll, scroll, stop, scroll more, eat macaroon, SCROLL::

My freshly coffin-shaped, matte grey nail stopped on this: Amanda Bynes SPEAKS OUT for the First Time in 4 Years! – FULL STORY HERE.

Ok, so this has my attention.

It has my attention because addiction has been a theme in my family & I am curious to see how Amanda is doing. The spotlight has been off her for a while. For the past few years she’s gone from show pony to MIA. I’m curious. I’m clicking. I’m hopeful.

So click, click, click thru the ads to land on a video of Amanda speaking her truth & sharing how she’s getting her life on track by attending school & planning for her future. In the video Amanda looks pretty, put together, & appears to be sincerely working hard. Very promising. To be honest it seems like she’s really trying to improve herself.

I smile to myself. I am happy because I like people who are always trying. I am trying, everyday to be better. So many of us are trying to be best versions of ourselves day after day. We are all a work in progress.

Also I had compassion for Amanda- she is putting herself out there to the media who once tore her to shreds. Whether she suffered from drug addiction or mental illness or both, the media was UNKIND. Really, THEY WERE SO MEAN.

Besides, think about it: it takes strength & confidence to put yourself out there to the same media who was once so vile. She showed up.

The reason the Internet disappointed me, however?

Well after the video I clicked back to the FB post. Even though I’m not super active on random Facebook posts, I wanted to write an encouraging comment, you know, cheering her on.

So, I go to the comment section…and I read through the comments.

There were about 153 comments, give or take.

And GUYS, they were all MEAN, DISGUSTING, HORRIFIC comments.

Some were bringing up her past, others bashing the way she looked, & most of them, making fun of her interview. Curse words. Calling her names. HATEFULNESS. Just the works.

I honestly couldn’t believe it?

Because here is someone who’s trying.

She is putting the work in to get better & people are kicking her. What is the point of kicking her or anyone who’s trying to better themselves? Who even knows what she’s been through. I’m sure she’s nervous putting herself out there in the first place- ESPECIALLY after the vicious media went after her.

In my experience, I’ve learned that for anyone who’s going to treatment for addiction: compassion is key.

To go even further, my girlfriend, who happens to be plus-size, told me someone was making fun of her for working out.



It boggles my fucking mind.

But day after day, it happens online. Not only online but behind people’s backs or even to their faces.

I guess my point here is that I choose to lead with compassion & kindness. And if I can use this platform to point something out to help others see things from someone else’s perspective, then YES YES YES!!

Next time anyone sees an article online & wants to write a negative comment, let’s all stop & think about it. Because really, we never know how the words behind a computer screen can affect someone who’s trying to better themselves. Maybe they’re reading? And even if they’re not reading kindness is contagious. I mean I GUARANTEE if that thread of comments had started out up-lifting, the whole 153 comment thread would have gone in a very different direction.

I know I always want to be the person who stands out of the crowd & sets the tone with kindness ( I feel like so many of YOU are the same way ).

Obviously I’m not perfect, but I’m trying…just like Amanda ( YOU DO YOU, GIRL ).


Ok, I have an early morning tomorrow! Over & out!

Love you guys- lauryn

  1. I am such a fan of Amanda – and loved seeing her again. What annoyed me about the interview though – as it was so shallow. I felt like Amanda was uncomfortable.. that was my vibe anyway. But man – some people don’t even care what they say on the net ?? I hope Amanda keeps on going and can’t wait to see her again – maybz with Oprah or Ellen ?

  2. AMEN to you Lauryn!!! If all of your readers take their time to read these post and think about it, hopefully we’ll have a slightly better world online & offline.
    I agree with you in every single word.
    Glad you wrote this post.
    have a lovely day, xxxx

  3. The amount of negativity on the internet (especially from anonymous trolls) is BEYOND out of control these days… and disturbing. I grew up watching Amanda on various Nickelodeon shows (she’s only 2 years older than I am), and always thought she was so fun. I never ONCE took pleasure in watching her demise over the past few years – I’m glad to see she’s doing well, and does deserve a second chance to come back to the entertainment industry and make it right again. Here’s to more compassion – thank you again for that reminder.

    1. It’s NUTS! I don’t understand how people have the time or energy to do it. Thanks for the support Liz! x

  4. Amen to this Lauryn! I’ve honestly never followed Amanda much but I saw her in a few movies and always liked her. I think it’s freaking GREAT she is trying and that she is speaking about her situation. I seriously don’t understand why some people are bashing her for that! That’s so mean & I really hope those people are feeling bad for bringing her down!
    I 100% agree with you. Could we please just start being nice to each other, support each other and be kind?! It’s not like it’s even a hard thing to do! My aunt (who is btw the coolest woman EVER!) always says “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything!”. I really think more people should follow this advice!

  5. YES! I literally think this every day when scrolling through Instagram or Facebook. WHY are there so many people who post mean/hateful comments? I really don’t get it. More people need to take a second and think before mindlessly posting rude shit. (Sorry, this topic gets me heated ha.)

  6. I rarely comment on much of anything, but wanted to be sure to say something about this post – I loved it! Like your friend, I am plus size and have been made fun of while working out, walking into the gym, etc. I’ve also just been looked at down people’s noses, almost like they’re thinking to themselves “eew, why is she here?” I don’t know maybe it’s in my head. But you’re right, people can be so negative, disrespectful and plain old hateful, especially online where there is a layer of anonymity. I try to avoid reading comments on articles and social media a lot of times for that reason, because seeing comments like that just makes me so sad for all of humanity. Anyway, thank you for this post!

    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment Jen! I’m SO sorry to hear you face the same issue too. Hopefully we can be a part of the shift : ) x

  7. Unfortunately, I feel like nearly every comment section I see these days (apart from lifestyle blogs where things often stay pretty positive, although I could be wrong) is just appalling. I’m not perfect and can think/say some catty things sometimes for the sake of a joke, but I will never understand the level of vitriol I see constantly online. I really feel for the people saying these things because having that much hatred and anger inside of them must be really painful. Ugh! Why can’t we just be nice?

    Briana |

    1. It’s so sad that people feel the need to tear others down to bring themselves up. The media needs a Mean Girls moment LOL. x

  8. LOVEE this post. It’s such rare insight in a world full of people who show such vile hate. More love always. Thanks for sharing this. ❤️❤️

  9. YES! I absolutely love this post. I am SO SICK of internet trolling, and keyboard rangers tearing apart people who they don’t even know for absolutely NO plausible reason. Our society has gotten completely out of control with this nonsense, and it’s part of the reason I don’t have social media. While there’s a whole plethora of reasons people do what they do (low self-esteem, confidence issues, blah blah blah), I just don’t understand how we can’t focus on empowerment rather than kicking each other down. My favorite thing in the world is seeing women empower other women, but WE NEED MORE OF IT! And as a first grade teacher who already sees the horrible, bully behavior happening in 6 and 7 year olds, this change needs to happen fast. So KUDOS to anyone out there doing their thing, and bringing other people up with them while they do it. And thank you for writing this!

    1. YESSS to empowerment!! As a first grade teacher it’s so cool that you get to help teach the kids compassion & kindness. x

  10. Wonderful message here. Kindness is wonderful and supporting one another is the best path in life. Hands-down.

    I recently went through a divorce – 13 1/2 year marriage. Lots of hurt on both sides. But you know what? We got through it with as little damage as possible because we were *kind* to each other. It’s the best thing we did together – getting divorced. Kindness can change so many situations for the better.

    Thank you for the reminder here, wonderful woman! Keep on going.



    1. Love your perspective Catherine! The best thing we together was get divorced *insert crying laughing emoji* Thanks for the support babe! x

  11. Kind girls are the prettiest girls! Thank you Lauryn for reminding us all of that, blessings come to those who are compassionate. So much love for you girl, keep rocking on with your bad self! Xo

    1. Aw thanks so much Blare!! Kind girls definitely are the prettiest. I appreciate all of the support : )) x

  12. Plzzzzzz baby grl do more real shit post like this! love me some Beauty and healthtips but sometimes we all need to get in check a little bit. Love it!

  13. Social Media can be very vicious, which is mind boggling. I mean, on FB people can actually see your name and nothing is private – even if someone wants to be mean, are they aware that the whole world including their friends and their mother (and their future employer) may be able to see it. Forever? Why?? ..and then, of course, why be mean in the first place?
    I love that you are spreading this message of kindness, it really makes a difference because it builds this “tribe” of women who are like-minded and inspired. Case in point: I recently joined your FB group and, it is the most active and supportive group I’ve seen! It is so great to see a place where women truly support women.

  14. This! This! This! There is this viciousness that has permeated our society. It’s like, we are all just trying to do our best, why tear each other down? We all have our struggles, and we all have the same desires: to be loved, and to succeed. Lauryn, I love the way that you deal with other bloggers. You are supportive of all of our paths and you get that there isn’t a limited amount of positivity. You give it, you get it.

  15. What a great post, Lauryn! I agree with you. I go down the Twitter rabbit hole often (unfortunately) and am always baffled that people can be so rude and downright hateful! I’m not perfect, and none of us are, but I’ve never understood the point being mean just for the sake of it. Like…if you have something constructive to say, okay. But to call someone a b*tch or a slut or something when you have no idea who they are as a person or what their life is like…
    I hope more people realize that kindness is SO much better than hate and spite. Love and kindness will win every time!

  16. I only wish everybody on this world is as kind as you are! Your post reflects exactly what is wrong with this world and what people think they can do behind the mask of Internet. I’m so glad you wrote this post because people need to see this and be kinder!

  17. Agree 100%. Don’t bring people down especially when they’re not doing anything to you! You’ve got great perspective, Lauryn, and you’re just always the best <3 Love your writing always <3

  18. Thank you! Amanda is talking honestly about her struggles. I’m sure she’s trying to inspire others. Bravo to that. I swear the rude comments kill me. Those people want to be heard so badly they’ll do anything. How about this accomplish something!! Maybe (probably) they’re nasty attitude stems from self dissatisfaction.

    1. She’s making herself vulnerable in order to help others, it’s inspiring. I am grateful for your support

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    Elizabeth Vargas
    United States

    1. Wow Elizabeth what a crazy story, I am so happy to hear that things are looking up for you now. Also thank you for the suggestion, I have never been to a spell caster but would love to try. xx

  20. I agree with you 10000%. It’s crazy to me that people are seriously still hiding behind their computers and that even though the days of middle school ‘cyberbullying’ are long gone in my life, people are still being terrrrrrible all over the place. I love that the blogging community generally tends to be the total opposite of the rest of the internet: a place where we all life UP each other and comment threads are filled with compliments (albeit a few superfluous ones but still). <3

    xx, Pia

  21. I completely agree, the internet is brutal. I love your compassionate approach, and I want to add that a surefire way to accomplish kindness is by striving to be WAYYYY more kind than necessary. I’m talking about no retaliation, no revenge, always seeking to understand the other person’s situation. I think Amanda is carrying herself with an enormous amount of grace right now, to even give two words to the media, let alone do that interview.

  22. it’s so troubling that people think a screen creates this inconsequential anonymity. while it’s true you can “troll” with anonymity, it doesn’t mean it is without consequence. these are still real people. we’re all people. this post reminds of you horrifying run in with refinery 29, and how terrible they were to you, and unapologetic at that. i’m a fair bit older than you/your audience, and it’s easy for me to say things like, ‘the internet has sapped this generation of compassion’ or ‘the internet has created a generation of narcissists’ etc, but it’s just as easily someones grandmother as a shitty hipster senselessly inflicting pain through a screen (or in person for that matter). it’s not strictly generational. we all have to lead by example. would you rather be right? or would you rather be kind? you are on point with compassion begets compassion. kindness breeds kindness. try it out. o/\o for you lauren.

  23. My mother always told me it take more energy to be mean than to be nice. These hateful people are all miserable and obviously weren’t taught to have compassion. At least I know I’m teaching my boys this same lesson. Xo

  24. YES!! I have literally been getting more and more turned off by the internet because of the sheer, downright meanness and how easily people are finding it to be cruel and mean. Podcasts and reading are becoming more and more my outlet and social media/internet is getting less and less. it hurts my heart and there’s just no need. Sprinkle kindness and compassion wherever you go! I literally did a post on this not too long ago too!

  25. That’s my problem with Facebook too! I have really loved joining your secret Facebook group because everyone on there is so supportive and genuine, trying to help each other. For a group of women who don’t actually know each other it’s such a beautiful thing! I’m so sick of people just hating on everyone for absolutely no reason. Leave other people alone and just work on you! That’s the only thing that will make you happy in the end anyway!

  26. It’s so easy to be mean on the internet especially towards celebrities. People forget that they’re human too and that they are allowed to make mistakes just the rest of us…


    Tamara –

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  28. Dang it–couple of months late on reading this, but loved it, all the same.
    So agree.
    My first instinct in discovering a person who has struggled, and has started to triumph, is to smile and cheerlead them–to have compassion and tons of love for peeps getting themselves on the good path as much as they can. More power, right? Perennially fascinated at anyone who would discourage that–yet not surprised. It’s a sinful world full of Aholes as well as Angels.
    Love that you’re one of the latter…slathered with realness.

  29. You are such a gem, Lauryn!! I loved reading this (not the parts about how mean people were) but how great your heart is to cheer everyone on. I couldn’t agree more. Anyone trying to better themselves in a STAR in my book!

    Glad that you continue to use your voice for so much good and encouragement in this world!


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