Category Archives: Baby

Your Baby Is Here! Now What? Real Life Tips on Being a Mom

by
LAURYN

Hot mama Kristine Lucido is back and she’s talking all about the tips and must-haves for mom, baby, & significant others. Just a little recap of how we met…

Kristine & I met in Coronado at an event I was speaking at. I liked her right away.

She came right up to me & her energy was super real & straight to the point. She was beautiful & one of the first people who was really vulnerable & raw about motherhood to me. She was very authentic in sharing her experience & didn’t sugarcoat anything.

She has been a very supportive TSC reader who has now become my friend. After one of my events we went to a Mexican restaurant & while we had skinny margs, chips & salsa, she told me about her idea to start a blog. I thought I was great idea because she has such a unique perspective on motherhood. She’s my favorite kind of girl because she EXECUTED !! Her blog is here: theticklespot.com. Be sure to check it out.

Since I love her approach on motherhood, I wanted her to come back on the blog to share some more advice with us.

I find Kristine to be a very interesting, supportive person & just an all around good human. 

But !!! Not only are you hearing from Kristine today, you’re also going to get some hot tips from Carly of the Preggers Pantry & Jule the Bee. Carly & Jule have both been on the blog before and always share the best tips and hacks. 

Let’s get right to it and welcome Kristine, Carly & Jule back to The Skinny Confidential.

♡♡♡

Welcome Home! Now that you’ve delivered, we’d like to officially welcome you to the Mom’s Club. YOU DID IT! Now you know exactly why we should really be the ones getting celebrated on birthdays!! Lol, just kidding… Kind of 😉 

Anyway, it’s pure bliss, right?! All the glowy, warm butterflies are fluttering. Ehh.. Kinda.. Sort of.. Ok, it hasn’t been the most glamorous of journeys, you’re exhausted and you feel like each one of your nerves is going to explode. I totally get it… but, you made it!! Time to pop the champagne ( get excited to learn the tricks of pumping-&-dumping if you’re breastfeeding ), and let the real fun begin! The first weeks are flat fucking challenging for everyone. Adjusting to a new routine and trying to appease every little discomfort the baby has, is EXHAUSTING. But in all honesty, it really doesn’t change much throughout Motherhood, so I urge you to embrace the tiredness! It’s really like a whole other topic, so we’ll talk more about that later… Baby is HERE! NOW WHAT?! 

When I was pregnant with Max ( first pregnancy ) I remember going into my doctor’s office at 11 or 12 weeks pregnant, and specifically requesting a window facing the sunrise, a treadmill, and the largest bottle of champagne the hospital would allow, all in my recovery room. I was already mentally preparing for my comeback. Which was a smidge premature, sure, but when you find out you’re pregnant the first thing you think about is how much weight you’re going to gain.

I mean shit, let’s be real here- you have a mini panic attack because you’re like “fuck I’m going to blow up like a balloon and then I have to shed all the weight just to feel like myself again.” Well, you’re not lying to yourself- your body is going to change ALOT!! But what you probably don’t realize, is that it will never be the same. Ever. In fact, it takes approx. 7 years for a woman’s body to fully recover from creation, birth, and postpartum. So ya- don’t go in like me thinking a treadmill and a bottle of champs are happening, it doesn’t quite go like that!

But the good news is, after the first few weeks you will get cleared when your doctor thinks you’re ready for physicality and alcohol. So for now, focus on how GOOD it feels to have your body back! It’s just you in there again, finally! The first few nights in the hospital with Max I barely slept a wink. I could feel my brain reprogramming itself or something, it was the strangest feeling- but from that very first night, I’ve never ever slept the same. Over time it gets easier, and you fall into your routine, but “mom sleep” is a real thing. You’ll acclimate. And you’ll feel strong and confident again. You get your mojo back. Molly Sims is right, everyone loses the weight in their own time. So don’t fret. And don’t worry so much about your comeback; there’s a new person here who’s really excited to be with you and doesn’t give a shit what you look like 🙂 

So in this new mom space, where we all agree there is too much judgement, I wanted to bring more than just my experience into this post. I thought, I know what’s more valuable than just my take-  getting three different perspectives from moms who all have children at different ages and stages to shed a little light on this very pivotal chapter. So I invited two amazing women that I admire, and know Lauryn holds high, to share along with me. If you haven’t had a chance to checkout these talented women, DEFINITELY take a moment to:

Carly Zuffinetti | @thepreggerspantry 

Carly Zuffinetti is a former school teacher with a Master’s Degree in Special Education. She created her Instagram account and blog, The Preggers Pantry, during her first pregnancy in hopes to connect with and share ideas with other health conscious, like-minded mamas. She is involved with Miracle Babies, SAY San Diego, and Friends of San Pasqual charities. Carly lives in Encinitas, California with her husband Adam and sons Rio (5) and Dante (3). She loves yoga, animals, and all things baby. Carly has been a recurring guest blogger on the ErgoBaby Blog. Carly also created her own natural skin care line after learning about the importance of using safe skincare during pregnancy.

Follow Carly @thepreggerspantry and be sure to try out her oil blends!! I have been using them for 4 years now and will forever! Also, check out her posts on The Skinny Confidential: how to have a happy healthy pregnancy, a day in the life of a badass mom, & how to trick your kids into eating healthy AF.

motherhood by the skinny confidential

Julianne Osherow | @julethebee

As a little girl Julianne Osherow ( aka Jule The Bee ) grew up pretending there was a camera crew following her. Now all grown up, you’ll find her dancing in her kitchen while cooking up healthy and delicious ReciBEES, all the while serving up a real life taste of marriage and motherhood. @julethebee is more reality show than Instagram account. Shamelessly ( yet strangely comfortably ) Jule turns the camera on herself and her immediate family members. She is a wife, mother, and now accidental influencer. Her website Julethebee.com is a home base for all her ReciBEES, favorite items, and also the “Ask The Bee” advice column. When Jule is not writing you’ll likely find her at SoulCycle or in her SoulCycle onesie with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc in hand. And while part of her still hopes that a camera crew materializes, she’s now realized you can always be your own.

Follow Jule @julethebee and at www.julethebee.com. And if you don’t have a magic pan yet- HURRY!! It’s life changing! Jule has also written posts for The Skinny Confidential: tips on how to keep it together in motherhood, 10 life hacks you guys need in your life, plus you can check out 2 of Lauryn’s favorite hacks she got from Jule here & here.

So us three amigas collaborated on what we think the best tips are for mom, dad ( or s/o ), and baby, plus your must-haves! Hopefully this gives you a vast look at what will help you most during the first few weeks you’re home with baby. Cheers Mamas! 

motherhood by the skinny confidential

And and a little more about me…

Kristine Lucido | @tinikristini

I’m a mom of two, who just wants to have fun! I like to keep it simple, and real, with a no-bullshit approach to sharing my tips & tricks in motherhood. I have a strong emphasis in the kitchen since that’s my area of expertise, my comfort zone, and my favorite place to be! I like to take motherhood on with a fab face mask, a good, healthy snack and a glass of champagne. Not taking anything too seriously, ya know ! With over 18 years of experience in food, beverage & events, I’ve got a lot of fun stuff to share. In all honesty,  I never planned on having kids.. To me the idea of happiness meant no ties, no bounds, no responsibilities. Being able to live wild and free. Which is fun. Especially when you’re young… Little did I know how drastically things would change in time. People you meet become partners and friends you don’t want to live without. Places become homey and comfortable spaces you crave. Life begins to bloom in ways you didn’t plan. And before you know it, you’re knocked up eating bon-bons. Hopefully my perspective can help you on your journey into motherhood! Or at least give you a giggle 🙂 I know for me, I wanted all the help I could get!

motherhood by the skinny confidential

TIPS FOR MOM

Kristine:

♡ Meal prep.

Haul in everything healthy you love to eat because believe it or not, you will be hungrier post pregnancy- especially if you’re breastfeeding. I couldn’t stop shoving my face. You burn an insane amount of calories producing and extracting breast milk ( there are 89637241 benefits for breastfeeding if you choose to ), in addition to your body moving into retraction and postpartum. So, it’s important to eat nutritiously for your mental health and well-being during this critical & amazing time. Of course, it’s a must to indulge in a craving here and there. Moderation is everything!!

♡ Mom’s spot.

Now that you have a new roommate, it’s imperative to have a defined space that is very much your own. A little sanctuary. It could be anywhere, the bathroom. Your closet. Whatevs. Somewhere you can go when you feel overwhelmed and you can give yourself a “timeout.” Five, ten minutes to regroup makes all the difference. You’ll find yourself spending a lot more time at home with baby, so I think it’s really important to remember to give yourself time & space. To breathe, meditate, put a sheet mask on, or enjoy a little quiet time ya know ( w/ a glass of wine and a smut mag maybe, idk?! ), whatever it is just to give yourself a little you time.

♡ Enjoy it.

Everyone will tell you, sleep & hot showers! it’s true, they are both amazing, but looking back I have to say I think just basking in the softness and purity of a newborn really is so special and goes way too fast. However you choose to parent and spend these moments, they are truly the most precious ones.

Carly:

There’s nothing like newborn snuggles. Don’t ever feel guilty about just cozying up and not going anywhere-especially for the first few weeks of your baby’s life. In many countries people keep their babies at home for the first month of life at least. Other countries also have much longer periods for maternity leave, and rightfully so. These babies need us so much. Enjoy the time because you’ll never get it back.

Take your time and go easy on yourself as you transition back to work/real life. As you feel ready and your baby gets older, do what feels right. Trust that mama gut! When my babies were new I would always make sure to have one outing a day. It might have been just a walk around the block or a yoga class but it felt good for me to get dressed, workout, and be in nature. Do what feels right for you and don’t ever feel guilty if you just want stay home and enjoy your baby. Also, look into a postpartum doula and the Ayurvedic postpartum diet for at least the first 2 months after birth.

Jule:

I’ve talked about this before and I’ll say it till I drop. There is no room for martyrdom in motherhood. It isolates, it’s depressing and it serves no one. Not you, not your husband, not the baby. In other words, bring in the trusted troops. You have roughly 7 months to figure out who your team is. Put down the books on how to purée your own organic baby food and figure this out first. I beg of you. It’s your comfort zone and budget, of course, but no one, I repeat NO ONE has ever regretted spending money on trusted childcare. Your mother in law can help you? Wonderful! Your sister’s coming into town for 3 whole weeks to help? Amazeballs! You’re a lucky Mama! Just make sure you’re all on the same page as to what everyone’s boundaries and responsibilities are. Don’t have this kind of familial sitch?

Breathe, it’s ok. I didn’t have that either and truthfully I don’t think I would have wanted it if I had. There was something lovely and soothing and comforting having a neutral presence of a baby nurse in our home whose sole responsibility was to help us in this emotionally charged, sleep deprived and confusing time of new parenthood. Don’t have the budget for this? That’s ok! Don’t feel above hiring a 17 year old to come in while you and the baby nap to help fold a load ( or three thousand loads ) of laundry and to empty the dishwasher.

When my boys were babies I truly thought everything had to be perfect. And for the most part I believed it had to be done by me. Had I just stopped making the bed and crawled into it instead I would have been a much happier new mommy, indeed. I talk all about this and more with Julie Lauren on our live episode of Hashtag No Filter.

MUST-HAVES

Kristine:

Tucks medicated cooling pads.

Pink Stork Bundle: nursing, recovery, postpartum.

♡ Recovery panties. These are way better than they sound!! 
*If you had a c-section birth, they make special comfy panties now.
*If you had a vaginal birth, these ones are fantastic.

Carly:

I wore my babies non-stop! Love both of these wraps & slings: Solly Baby Wrap ( newborn – 6 months ), Beachwood Baby Sling & Ergo carrier ( 6 months + ).

I wore my babies non stop! Love these wraps & slings!

Jule:

♡ Jule The Bee Magic Pan:
I actually gifted this to Lauryn a few months ago as a thank you for all her support. I WISH I had had this pan as a new mom. The easiest cooking and cleaning you’ll ever experience.

♡ Immersion Blender:
When you are ready to make that homemade organic baby purée or some cauliflower mash for yourself when you feel like focusing on losing that baby weight, meet your new BFF.

♡ White Distilled Vinegar:
No bleach for baby!!!!! Please! I’ll stick my tips and tricks for the best and freshest laundry on earth in my highlights on @julethebee, but for now here’s the number one product that you need for the cleanest, greenest, baby soft laundry: white distilled vinegar. I use it on my big boys still and the stinkiest of my SoulCycle laundry. You’re welcome 😉

♡ Organic Baby Washcloths:
Not just for baby! I use these every single night to remove the grime of the day from my face. I don’t feel fully clean without them anymore and my skin has never looked better. Don’t worry if you’re too tired for makeup; clean skin and a little pink lippy is all you need. See below for that…

♡ Pink Lippy:
My grandmothers taught me to never be without lipstick and no matter how dirty and tired I got as a new mommy this always rang in my head. You might not remember or give a shit all the time, but this insanely inexpensive, perfect nude pale pink is never far from my reach. It’s amazing how a little lippy makes you feel a little human again.

TIPS FOR DAD OR YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER:

Kristine:

♡ Create a daily habit with baby: it’s true that baby will naturally feel more connected to mom after birth, so I found creating specific to-do’s for just baby & the huz helped majorly in creating their bond.

Bath time, walking the dog, etc. is so good for them! Plus, it gives you a nice little break too. My husband would make warm eucalyptus showers & baths in the evenings before we would read bedtime stories. You’ve just gotta find what works for you!

Carly:

♡ For those first several months let Dad do skin on skin contact as much as possible. Have Dada read lots of books too-she will know both your voices right away and reading and talking to her as much as possible. I think my boys love books so much because I read to them from day one!

Jule:

♡ Oh Boy. Pun intended. Not an easy time for Daddy either, ya know. Sending all the sympathy and all the love, and willing all the Daddies out there to have patience and be kind because spoiler alert: you’re gonna lose your wife for a bit. Don’t worry she’ll be back, but I know it can be lonely, and it’s not easy.

If she’s nursing, being the sole food source for a small human ( ZERO judgement if she’s not ) is no easy task and it’s not easy feeling like an alien has taken over your body only to find that now that alien lives with you full-time and wakes you up every 1-3 hours around the clock. Hang in there Daddy, it’s a beautiful, insane ride and chances are you’ll love it just enough to decide to do it all over again.

MUST-HAVES FOR DAD

Kristine:

♡ This book: We’re Parents! The NEW-DAD Book

Carly:

♡ My husband loved this baby carrier and the boys loved to be worn by him once they hit about the 4 month mark. Try to wear baby facing in (toward you) until she refuses then wear her facing out so she can see the world!

Jule:

♡ We still use a noise machine! And I mean we ALL still use these. Each boy ( now 13 and 11 ) along with Bazz and me. Eventually it becomes Pavlovian, turn it on and night night kiddos! Daddy’s gonna thank me for helping to get that kid sleeping through the night. Cause once that happens, you, my friend, start to get your wife back! No need to write me a thank you note, I know you’re tired too.

TIPS FOR BABY

Kristine:

♡ Precious baby! ENJOY IT!! Wouldn’t we all love to be carried and toted around in cute outfits, being hand-fed..! Life is good. One thing to avoid though, while you’re such a tiny tot, is the calming, soothing scent of lavender. While a lot of baby products have this pure ingredient, it’s been linked to premature puberty. Tea tree oil and lavender oil both mimic estrogen. Soy too, is a source of phytoestrogens. More info can be found in this article. So please be precautious and always double check with your pediatrician if you’re unsure about a product or ingredient for baby. 

Carly:

♡ Babies love nature! I took my babies outside as much as possible. I loved wearing my babies on walks and they love being close to you, so find a baby carrier you loved ( a wrap when they are newborns-3 months makes them feel like they are back in the womb ).

When you’re on walks with them, stop and smell the flowers, look up at the trees and examine the leaves. Babies love it and the fresh air and Vitamin D are so good for them. Tell her all about everything you see, and use your normal, calm tone of voice.

I talked to my boys constantly and they were both verbal really early on. Even when I was changing their diapers I would talk to them every step of the way. “I’m going to wipe you now,  these are the wipes we use to clean your bottom” etc. Talk about everything and continue to do so throughout childhood!

Look into mommy/baby yoga classes when the baby is around 3-4 months. I learned a lot about the importance of movement for babies and how to gently stretch and massage your baby. I know you might not be into all the mommy groups but I did meet some amazing friends at my mommy/baby yoga classes!

Jule:

♡ I kid you not, I’m fairly certain that unless we were on a plane neither one of my kids ever missed a bath in the evening. A small Bee Brag? Maybe. But I swear this end of day routine saved me probably a hundred thousand times over.

Your days are long as a new mommy. They can be lonely and at times incredibly boring. Routine is everything when the minutes tend to crawl into hours. That bath time routine starts to signal the bedtime routine and for me it was like a life preserver that I clung to each night. Dim the lights, scent the water with some baby safe essential oils, lay out a fresh soft towel to wrap him in when you pull that tiny slippery body out of that warm water, warm up that final bottle or get the boob ready, turn on that noise machine and feel the whole vibe in your house shift and wind down for night night time. I get sleepy just thinking about it.

MUST-HAVES FOR BABY

Kristine:

♡ Both of my kids still have this very nap-able blanket from when they were born, it’s become a newborn gift staple for us.

Carly:

♡ The Ergobaby carrier is their new best friend!

Jule:

♡ Aden & Anais Swaddles: An old friend founded this company and these blankets were one of the best things to happen to my boys as babies. Soft, breathable muslin material with the chicest of patterns. Perfect for swaddling, draping over a stroller, discreet nursing in public if that’s your thing and it sure as shit was mine ( I didn’t even want the baby looking at my boob let alone a stranger in the banquet next to me in the middle of a restaurant ).

Hope you guys loved this post and it brought you lots of value. As always, would love to hear any of your tips, tricks and advice below.

x, lauryn

+ scope what was in my hospital bag.

++ check out how the fuck to have a baby & still live your life.

SHOP THE POST:

The ACTUAL Nitty Gritty Details of Birth & Labor

by
LAURYN

Charlotte Hobgood is back on the blog today to discuss the REAL DEAL, raw, down & dirty details on birth & labor. Just a little refresh on Charlotte:

Not only is she an entrepreneur & total badass, she’s also married to professional surfer Damien Hobgood. “He is known for having once held the highest two-wave grand final score in pro surfing by scoring 19.9 out of 20”- no big deal. They just came out with an documentary called And Two if by Sea.

Charlotte is a mom of 3 & one of those moms who you see running around town & you think ‘how the fuck does she do it.’ Every time I talk to her I’m incredibly impressed with how she juggles it all.

One thing I love about Charlotte is she’s a ‘no bullshit’ kinda girl who doesn’t sugar coat anything. Personally, I love this post she wrote because it’s very real. Charlotte is talking about all the things that happen after birth like wearing diapers ( you, not your baby ), sex & marriage, vagina swelling & sore nipples- really, she covers it all.

Without further adieu, let’s welcome Charlotte back to The Skinny Confidential.

♡♡♡

So, let’s face it, as women most of us all have a desire at some point in our lives to be moms. Whether it comes to us when we are 5 or when all our friends start growing mini humans in their bodies, this is what we “were meant to do”…blahhhhhh.

Reality is, not all of us can, & yes that fucking sucks. However, you want to know what is more fucked up than that? The fucking lies that we tell “our friends” about growing a human. More importantly, what happens after. I am not talking about the “right after” when you bring the baby home, but the minutes, hours—lets face it, it sometimes feels like years—in the hospital.

You just had a head come out of your vagina that was, most likely, bigger than what you dilated to. WTF!!!!! How is that possible?? How? Because us woman are the first fucking super heroes that ever existed! That’s how…

So, here I am & I want to be completely real with you all. Tell you my experience. Who the fuck am I? Good question. I am not an expert, but I have experience, I also know each & every mom has her own stories as well.

I’m 38 years old now & I have 3 children, a 13-year-old girl ( Savannah ), 10-year-old boy ( Colt ), & 5-year-old girl ( Cheyenne ). I was the crazy person who did natural childbirth without drugs. Not because it was better for the baby, if I am going to be honest, but because I knew that this was the one thing that my husband could never do. He was a professional athlete, & I am as competitive as it gets. So I gave “natural” birth to prove to MYSELF ( keyword here, to ‘me’ ) that I was a badass.

Let me give you a little insight to my back-story.  I have been married to the same man for fifteen years now. His name is Damien Hobgood & for the majority of our relationship he surfed on the World Championship tour of surfing. He & his identical twin brother ( CJ ) both did. They also both just released a biographical documentary film on their lives entitled And Two if by Sea.

Even though it has its funny moments & is narrated by comedian Daniel Tosh of Comedy Central’s Tosh.0, it’s a raw honest look into our lives & what it’s like to be an identical twin competing for your identity. We’re all in the film & it covers our family & relationship ups & downs. The film really reveals the fact that I have been through & seen a lot of shit too.

I was the stay at home mom, the traveling mom who traveled with her kids, alone sometimes, to the tour stops around the world where Damien would have to compete. Getting to go to Fiji, Hawaii, Australia, France, etc. on the surface seems like “the dream life.” Well, the grass may look greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed.

Traveling nine months out of the year is tough. Throw in babies, passports, pacifiers & food in foreign countries & those Instagramable images have a dark filter. We made a lot of money, we lost a lot of money, we have almost divorced a few times to be honest. We’ve been to counseling, but as of today, we are still “happily” married ( let’s face it marriage is not a Disney movie ). We both currently work full time & are trying our best to make shit happen.

Five years ago, I started my own business & then walked away from it last year in May to try & find another new path, a new adventure, a new purpose. I’ve hustled & I have been taken care of. I have been in mommy groups ( yuk ) & have been excluded from mommy groups. My kids have hated me & loved me. I have fucked up more times than I can count with both my husband & kids, but I’ve also done some good things. At least I would like to think that I have. I have traveled the world, & also been my kids’ Uber driver at home. I have worked the “9 to 9”, & have also been the mom who got to stay home with my kids. 

Point being, I can be empathic to both the working mom as well as the stay at home mom. I couldn’t tell you which one is better, because at times they both fucking sucked & at times they both were amazing. So now that you know a little about me, let’s talk about you & what you will, or have, gone through from my crazy perspective. What I really want to do is what I wish someone had done for me & that is write down a few nuggets of truth about child birth, child raising, & life in general as a parent. Warning: these are all from my perspective so buckle up.

Women are superheroes.

I had all three of my children naturally, but let me be clear, by natural, I was still in a hospital because, putting my ego aside, if anything went wrong during labor, personally I wanted to make sure that my kids were in a place where I could give them the best chance to live. That’s just how I personally felt.

I still find it a complete wonder that we grow a human in our body, we birth a human from our body, & then we can feed a human FROM OUR BODY. What fucking superhero can do that??? Captain Marvel can’t! Well, I guess technically any superhero who’s a woman could. Not because of her super powers, but because she is a woman.

Let me paint a “pretty” picture. You have just given birth to an alien. Yes, a fucking alien! When each of them came out, I immediately thought, “I hope that you grow out of this phase.” Mind you, filters can make any newborn look cute. I mean, look at how they make us look amazing.  Luckily a few hours DO make a difference & the baby-alien will start to look a little more “normal.”

BUT….when that little shit comes straight from your vagina to your chest, I promise, you will be thinking “WTF?!?!” Few will admit that, & yes I am sure that some babies may come popping out of the water bath like sparkling angels from God after they have been in for 10 months ( yes ladies, it is not 9, but 10, do the math 9 x 4 is 36, 9 x 10 is 40, full term is….fucking 40 weeks ).

After the baby comes out of your vag.

Next, while your legs are shaking, & every muscle in your body is trying to breathe again, guess what the nurses do? They fucking ask you to push again to evict the house that your bubba has been inhabiting for the past 10 months. It’s the last thing I wanted to do.

So, you have just extracted a human from your vagina, & just when you think that the pushing & pain is done, you get side swiped by reality. You then push a few times & its house extracts its bloody self from your body. This is not the worse part of it though. What is then? It’s the fucking nurses now have to push on your stomach like they are kneading pizza dough to make sure that all the “extra” shit that was left in comes out.

You’d think that you should be bonding with this baby, but you have Miss Non-sympathetic Nurse extracting—what feels like Niagara Falls—gushing enormous amounts of blood & clots onto a “hospital pad” which is equivalent to a pee pad that you would use to train your puppy.

This really, to me, was insult to injury. Your insides feel like a battlefield & then this nurse is “pushing” & extracting all of your internal organs. This doesn’t just happen once, but multiple times. Think of the worse period cramps that you have ever had. Now picture someone coming along & socking you in the stomach multiple times while you are supposed to be bonding with your newborn.

Oh, here’s a fun side story…immediately after giving birth to my third child, my two older children, who were 8 & 5 at the time walked right into the hospital room ( thanks grandparents ).  They saw me in the bed with the covers over me, I was just trying to hide the bloody war that was underneath the sheets. But, as kids do, they just wanted to cuddle with me. Holy shit I wasn’t expecting them to pull back the covers but they did. Savanna uncovered me, gasped, & said, “Mom are you dying?” That’s how much shit comes out of you.

Uterus contractions are not fun!

By the time my third offspring emerged from my body, my uterus was like “THAT’S IT. THE BABY STORE IS CLOSED”. She was so done with childbearing, so she taught me a lesson that grounded me to the floor, literally. I was changing my youngest child’s diaper at home & fell to the floor crying, holding my belly & praying that I was not dying &/or birthing a human that the doctors missed. After all, I mentioned earlier my husband is a twin. I thought that after I had the kid this pain was done, but boy was I wrong. This uterus contracting lasted several days for me & was worse than giving birth because there was no outside gain from the pain. So just you know, we are fucking superheroes because I guarantee that no man could ever do this….at least not more than once.

Did you know that you get to wear a diaper again?

Well, you do! Yay for trying to feel good about yourself! Not only do you get to wear a diaper, but in order to keep this massive diaper in tact, you have to wear mesh “panties” that are ONLY found in hospitals ( pro tip: STEAL as many as you can! ) You can’t find them on Amazon, at least you couldn’t when I had my last baby, & they didn’t send you off with more than one extra pair.

Are they fucking kidding? You are bleeding for maybe up to six weeks & they only sent me off with 2 pairs of those amazing, only available in hospital, mesh panties & diapers. They’re the only things to keep you from leaving stains everywhere like a 6th grader who just started their period & didn’t know how to put a pad on correctly.

Here’s a fun phrase: ‘vag swelling.’

Yup that’s a thing too. As you get closer to birthing this bubba, your vagina lips start to look like a chick who decided to put 15 vials of Juvéderm down there. In fact, when I had my last, my oldest daughter asked me why my “gi-gi” ( what we call it ) looked like a boy’s…super comforting to my already deflated ego & swollen “baby body.” Now my oldest child is complimenting me on my penis.

Also ladies, guess what? After these aliens push themselves through your foreign body, those cute virgin ( ok probably not ) lips look like the Grand Canyon. I remember looking in the mirror 5 days after birth, loose skin-belly & still looking 6 months pregnant ( yup the flat stomach is nowhere to be found ), praying to God that my vagina lips would want to reunite again. That they would not be like divorced parents avoiding each other at their kid’s dance recital. They eventually did “get back together,” so that was the good news, but there are not enough pelvic squeezes you could ever do that would equal what nature does when she is ready.

Nipples!

That’s a fun word, but what isn’t fun is when they turn into pepperoni that has escaped the pizza that you just inhaled. They say that they turn darker & bigger so that the baby can “see” them & latch on. Fuck me. This is why I say we are the first superheroes. Our bodies naturally accommodate our offspring, both inside & out. And it does this without us having to do a damn thing. That is how bad ass we are, bitches.

Milk!

I was not the biggest human producing cow on the planet, but I did have the “pleasure” of experiencing these baby suction cups. Some love breast feeding, & yes I thought that it was ok, but I just felt like a cow. Again, save your opinion, we all have our story.

My experience with breastfeeding with all three of my “angels” was that it was a job that literally sucked the life out of me. Part of our job description as a mom is that we are at the beck & call to these mini versions of us. They do not give a shit what time of day or night it is or where you are, they call the shots & because of this, we give up most of our conveniences to them, in trade for a few moments of sanity. Also FYI…when you have sex again there is a chance you may spray your partner in the face with grade A human milk. Try & play that one off….

Where was I? Oh, let’s bring it back to moments after birth & the baby trying to latch on. Not only does your body feel like a battlefield at that point from the waist down, now this little fucker has suction cup lips that could unclog a drain…ouch is right!

Maybe others have had a different experience, but for me, the boobs that could once arouse me, now were so sensitive that feeding my offspring felt like a form of torture. You will get through it.

I just want to let you know that if you can or cannot breastfeed, it does not define what a great mom you will be.

Society has this stigma that us moms must breastfeed, but yet they still aren’t ready for us to do it in public. My advice is to tell everyone to fuck off & you do you. Cliché, I know, but seriously there is not one single person who knows your body & no one can define your relationship with your child except YOU!!!

Another thing I learned that I never knew was that I would be afraid to take a shit again.  Between the burning pee pain, having to sit on frozen condoms to help with the swelling ( another tip for ya ), & the fact that you then squirt lots of water on your vag every time you pee “to cleanse” your swollen-flapping-labia lips, at some point you have to shit.

Why is this so scary?  For me, it was because when you shit, you push, when you push, everything down under contracts & it hurts. I won’t go into much more detail, but just know that your ass—even if it ripped—was meant to do this. Our bodies are really so fucking amazing that they take care of themselves without us really having to think too much about it. Also, take stool softeners ( another tip )!

SEX.

Let’s talk about sex baby…like the first time you are allowed to have that penis enter your body again, it is scary as fuck. I did not care if I got off, I just wanted to get past it. Even though your vagina looks now like a baby turtle coming out of it’s shell instead of the pretty flower that it once was, somehow the boys still want it. Like Nike says, “Just do it.”

The truth is, females usually do not like to talk about this stuff with each other, but now, lucky you, can feel free to share this & your own advice with others. That is why, we woman, are so powerful & amazing. Be honest with your feelings with each other, know that it is ok to not “feel connected” to your newborn at first, it is ok to be sad & scared, & happy all at the same time.

Ladies, we all have a story, we all have been down different paths, & really, we need to embrace others’ journeys & join each other in feeling empowered. Because if we don’t, who does?  Maybe our husbands, but they really cannot begin to comprehend what we just went through.  In fact, my husband was more in awe of me after every birth. I honestly would like to believe that he did not even know that he could feel this way until he went through it with me. He cried after every birth, & it brought us closer & further away from each other at the same time. It’s what being married & having kids can do & what you have to fight through.

Parenthood to me is the perfect definition of a love-hate relationship. You love these little versions of you so much at times, & then there will be moments that you kind of hate them too, but still in a loving manner & that’s okay. Remember, we are humans with feelings & we do not always have to be “perfect.”

Fail, fall, & make mistakes. It really is important for our babies, & man-children, to know that we are humans as well. Your kids will always love you so much because you are their mom. They just want you to be vulnerable with them- don’t be perfect, be honest.

Final Thought…. Marriage.

My last final thought is about marriage. It is that it’s so easy for us as women to devalue our partner.  Meaning, from our perspective when daddy goes to work we think that he gets to escape being a parent or if you both work, when you both come home from your job & he doesn’t have the bandwidth to cook dinner, clean up, &/or give the kids a bath, & you do because as a mom you know no other way.

It is easy to be angry & resentful in these moments, trust me I know—watch our documentary “And Two If By Sea” & you will see him leaving for weeks, surfing in beautiful spots on beaches, girls in bikinis, parties, & everyone wanting a piece of him, while I stayed at home & “did it all.” What I have learned though, is that we cannot under value our spouses’ position, the pair of you are making sacrifices, one not bigger than the other. Remember that you need him as much as he needs you. Enough of the mushy shit, there is no perfect relationship, no perfect mother, we are all just doing the fucking best that we can with what we have.

♡♡♡

Hope you guys loved this post as much as I did. Like I said, Charlotte doesn’t sugarcoat a thing. Be sure to check out her & her husband’s new documentary & follow her on Instagram @chargoods.

x, lauryn.

+ why I fuck with a belly binding.

++ check out Charlotte’s other post all about balancing business & motherhood.

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The Mom Juice That’s Not Just For Moms

by
LAURYN

{ outfit by: Brown Eyed Boutique }

This post may be random as shit, but a lot of posts I do are random as shit. So this shouldn’t surprise you.

Molly Sims came on The Skinny Confidential HIM & HER podcast & we talked about body image, relationships, diets & beauty hacks. She casually mentioned ‘mom juice’ & my ears immediately perked up.

What? Mom juice? What?

So I asked her for specifics & she said that’s it’s this juice they serve you at Cedars-Sinai & some other hospitals. Like you just push out this baby & now you get to sit back & relax with this giant cup of mom juice & crushed ice. Vodka optional.

Because I couldn’t stop raving about this mom juice, I had to get to the bottom of it & find out exactly what’s in it.

To be honest I thought the concoction was orange, cranberry, & pineapple but after doing some poking around with my doula, we found out it’s actually cranberry, apple, & a splash of orange juice. Plus, the hospital have the perfect ice chips. Like it makes the drink.

So to get detailed, I’d do half a cup of cranberry, half a cup of apple, then 3 splashes of orange. Pour into a cup jam-packed with crushed ice. I cannot say enough about the crushed ice guys- it makes the whole drink. Oh, & garnish with an orange slice if you’re feeling bougie.

The whole thing is so delicious, but it was infuriating that Michael was trying to drink it all. Likkkkeeeeeeee, I just pushed out a baby, why are you stealing my mom juice??? It was fucked up. But I can’t blame him, it’s just that good.

So if you’re about to deliver a baby & you aren’t sure if your hospital has mom juice, I would HIGHLY recommend bringing a cute, pink little cooler bag ( I know, specific ), cranberry juice, apple juice & orange juice, along with a fun tumbler. & make sure your husband/partner goes to the ice machine to get you those damn ice chips. They’re the best.

BIG BIG thank you to Molly Sims for sharing the mom juice secret. I was so excited to try it, the second Zaza came out I said “where’s my mom juice?” LOL.

Since we’re kinda on the topic of birth & I mentioned my doula Andrey Lemon, you should also know that while I was drinking my mom juice my doula was walking out of the hospital with my placenta in a cooler. Lol! There I was sipping away, & my placenta was walking out the door. & just a sidenote: I’m so happy I encapsulated my placenta. More on that here if you’re interested.

Go get yourself some mom juice. You don’t have to deliver a baby to drink it. It’s so nice after a long, hard day. Pour a glass, don’t forget the crushed ice, & cheers yourself!

AND MICHAEL!!! Get your hands off my mom juice. He was totally throwing theatrics when I was drinking mom juice in the hospital & he insisted on his own. The nurses wouldn’t give him any though. Sorry babe, just for moms.

x, lauryn

+ my pregnancy craving that everyone needs to try.

++ everything you want to know about epidurals & labor.

+++ shop my outfit by The Skinny Confidential reader Brown Dye Girl

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Zaza’s Playlist: All The Disney & French Lullaby Vibes You Need

by
LAURYN

This post is kinda random but I’ve surprisingly been getting asked on Instagram ( a lot !! ) about Zaza’s playlist.

While she was in the womb, I played a lot of French jazz & Bossa nova. Now that she’s here I wanted to keep the theme going, but decided to throw in some Disney vibes too.

When Zaza was born my friend Ingrid sent over some beautiful music. They were all French lullabies & Zaza is obsessed with them. Our night nurse had some really beautiful lullabies too that we both play for Zaza all the time. She loves it!

So those 2 things, combined with layers of some Spanish lullabies ( I hope she’ll speak Spanish one day ) & Disney classics inspired this playlist. You just can’t go wrong with The Little Mermaid.

Zaza’s absolute favorite is Pinocchio though. When You Wish Upon a Star & I’ve Got No Strings are two of her favorites. We listen to it every morning.

Even the songs that you wouldn’t expect on the Pinocchio soundtrack, the ones with no words, are really nice to play in the morning. The ones called The Clock Sequence, The Kitten Theme & The Blue Fairy are really nice background songs. It just reminds you of going to Disneyland with a Dole Whip, extra large pickles, & corn dogs, ya know? It gives you all the nostalgic feels.

Definitely wanted to share this tip about Pinocchio with you guys because I’m just so shocked how much Zaza loves it. Seriously, if she’s crying, it makes her stop. It’s like it relaxes her. Or maybe it just relaxes me, LOL.

the skinny confidential zaza's playlist

Anyways !!! To streamline things for you guys, here is a list of all my playlists on Spotify:

TSC WORKOUT PLAYLIST

TSC SUMMER WORKOUT PLAYLIST

TSC DOES EUROPE PLAYLIST

TSC KICK YO ASS INTO GEAR AFTER THANKSGIVING PLAYLIST

TSC CHAMPAGNE DANCE PARTY PLAYLIST

TSC SWEATY, SEXY PLAYLIST

TSC VIBEZZZ

TSC SAME PENIS FOREVER

TSC BOUGIE BOSSANOVA PLAYLIST

TSC FEELING JAZZY

♡ THE SKINNY CONFIDENTIAL: BABY SHOWER VIBES

Happy listening! BRB gotta go turn on When I Wish Upon A Star.

x, lauryn

+ my favorite noise canceling headphones.

++ if you like this post, check out Zaza’s baby shower details.

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What I Wish I Knew Before I Had a Baby

by
LAURYN

ALI LEVINE! She’s here today to talk about all the things she wished she knew before having a baby.

Ali is a total spitfire. Ali & I met when I was on her podcast Things We’re Too Lazy to Blog About with her friend Amanda Lauren.

We met at Amanda’s house & immediately I liked them both. We had a super fun interview where Michael & I talked about working with your spouse, boundaries, grounding, blogging & Instagram tips.

Ali gave me the most amazing tip to see Dr. Berlin when I was pregnant, so naturally we had him on the podcast recently. It’s a good one so be sure to check it out if you’re pregnant, or just interested in pregnancy & fertility.

Anyway, Ali & I have stayed friends over the years & I watched her star in the Bravo show Stripped. She is also a mother so I couldn’t be more excited to welcome her to The Skinny Confidential to share some things she wished she knew before having kids.

Without further adieu, let’s welcome Ali!

♡♡♡

Hi everyone! I’m Ali Levine, TV personality, celebrity stylist, podcaster, & mommy influencer. I’m a mama to my daughter Amelia Rei who’s almost 2 & have a baby girl on the way in May! Adding to my mini fashion tribe!

I’ve been a celeb stylist & fashion expert for many years & was named the IT girl of Hollywood quite a few years back!

I was on the hit show Stripped on Bravo & was quickly forced into resetting my realities & priorities in my career & life.

Shortly after, I got pregnant with my daughter & my whole world changed, for the better, but wow did it change. My brand transitioned & I changed as a person in many ways after a traumatic birth, postpartum depression & finding myself again in my personal life & my career.

So these tips I am sharing with you come from my heart & own experiences. They are things I wish I knew before I became a mama.

Find Your Tribe.

Making new friends & finding your mom friends is important. I had no idea how much I need that, especially as a new mama. It’s almost like dating all over again & finding that right match! It’s like trying on your favorite outfit & finding what seems fabulous!

Mom groups, mom friends, people with similar mom views as you, etc., is so important.

There are many reasons it’s important to find your tribe. First off, I love my girlfriends that don’t have babies. They are amazing, but there’s just something you feel like you can’t talk about or vent fully because they just can’t relate.

Ex: The pains in my vagina, my c-section scar, my boobs leaking, wearing adult diapers… all the things!!

Your friends are amazing but if they didn’t just have a baby, then they have no idea what you’re going through, even if they are the most supportive! You really need some fellow moms to lean on when you need them.

Trust your gut/intuition.

You know that thing we all feel inside of us, it’s usually your gut or intuition trying to tell you something? Well, that multiplies when you get pregnant & especially after you give birth.

You’re going to have millions of opinions thrown your way. More than you could ever imagine ( or want )! Trust yourself, trust your baby. That’s the best way to make decisions because you’re going to have make SO MANY from the minute you become pregnant & especially once you officially become a mama.

The reason I say this is because you will have a million opinions thrown at you, everyone has an idea, a tip, something to share! And that’s cool & nice to a point, but only YOU know what’s right for your baby & there’s no one way to mother. That’s really important to learn early on so you can block out the noise & just do you & focus on your family.

Breastfeed, formula, sleep train, swaddle, vaccinations or delay? Cord clamping or not… this list can go on forever, so don’t make yourself crazy. Do your research, trust your own gut &make your own decisions.

Give yourself grace. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!

If you’re going to write anything down, please let it be this tip.

Motherhood can be tough, & mentally & physically draining at the best of times. It’s easy to beat ourselves up. I do it all the time- get down on myself, think I’m not doing enough, etc.

These thoughts are so normal & all of us need to allow ourselves grace! AND OMG especially in the first year of having a baby.

Ugh, this one really hits me emotionally as I type it! I wish someone would have said to me, “this is going to be Hard AF!! And you’re going to have to give yourself lots of grace!!”

You’re going to feel crazy, you’re going to feel out of control, you’re going to feel a love you’ve never felt, your hormones are going to be insane… all of this is totally okay & you have to allow yourself grace! You have to forgive yourself for all the things you feel, you have to tell yourself good thoughts & not go down the rabbit hole.

Of course for some this isn’t as extreme as what I went through, but it’s one thing I really wish I knew: GRACE!!

Don’t expect your body to ‘bounce back’ because I say, FUCK the bounce back!

Now this doesn’t mean give up on your body, but please explain to yourself that you just created a human for the last 9 months, so don’t compare your body to someone else’s.

Your body takes time to heal & recover, no matter what kind of birth you had. Be grateful your body created life & give yourself time to let your body heal during postpartum.

I truly hate the term ‘bounce back!’

What does that even mean?! Our bodies stretched & carried a baby for 9 months, give or take, & we created life & birthed that life! Our bodies are just supposed to look amazing right after? Excuse me???!!!

All the questions like, “omg, are you back to your pre-pregnancy weight already?!” UM, NO!!!

And if you decided to breastfeed, definitely check that off as a big NO! You’re eating so much to survive & produce for your baby!

Your body is not going to be exactly the same, most likely, & that’s ok. Your body gave you your baby! I had a really hard time with this & I wish someone would have told me that my body is going to change no matter what. Vaginal or c-section ( which btw, no one ever mentioned the possibility of a c-section or what that would do to my body & the relationship I would have with it )!!

Birth plan- DO NOT be married to this plan!

Birth preferences prioritize what’s important. But try not to be hell bent on it like I was.

I believe that when you are married to a plan, it’s really hard when your plan goes out the window. It makes it even harder to let go of it & get past it.

In my opinion after my traumatic birth, creating a plan only sets you up for extreme heartbreak when it doesn’t go that way.

Have your preferences, know what’s important & most importantly, let go & just let your body & the baby do their thing. I wish I was told that in my first birth & I will be definitely taking this with me into the second birth.

Your fashion doesn’t have to go out the window- Create your uniform.

Being a stylist & fashion expert, I realized it was really hard for me to get dressed & out the door before 3pm. It was a constant struggle to get out the door & do anything for that matter.

Having an idea of a uniform in my wardrobe helped me not feel as overwhelmed & flustered. Whether it be a tee & jeans, or leggings & a top, maxi dress, whatever. Just a go-to that makes you feel confident & comfortable.

Being a celeb stylist & fashionista & not being able to wear a lot of what I wanted, especially after a c-section was really hard & really defeating.

I wish I had set myself up with different wardrobe options from the beginning so I didn’t feel defeated & didn’t judge myself so much when getting dressed. Those times in the mirror were quite detrimental for my mental health & there was constant negative talk!

Speaking of confidence, you might feel like you ‘lost yourself.’

Or in my case, feel like you were mourning the death of yourself.

It’s completely normal to feel this way when you become a mom. So much changes, not just with your body, but your life & your hormones are crazy & everything just feels out of control. But I promise you it’s temporary & you will find yourself again ( if you feel this way ).

Remember you just created life! Nothing feels normal! And if you need help navigating, that’s ok too. Postpartum specialist, therapists, all of them, are totally okay & necessary for many. They were for me & there’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Again, this is my own experience, but after going through it, I have to share it. I never knew I’d go through postpartum depression. 1 in 7 moms do! Never thought I’d be part of that statistic. So I think it’s really important to share that there are many ways to get help & that if you’re having weird thoughts, & it’s more than the ‘baby blues,’ you can seek help.

Having a postpartum plan & team in place is so important! Even more than things for the baby. Your mental health needs to come first!

Drop the ego, drop the facade.

We are all in this together. Whether you look amazing or like a hot mess ( myself most days ), just know that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to have hard days & lose your mind. It’s ok if you can’t get out of your pajamas all day.

And when I say ‘drop the ego,’ I mean drop it for yourself. You’re not doing yourself any favors if you don’t be real with yourself, lol! Have patience with yourself & love yourself.

Just know this shit is hard & you have to laugh at yourself, not worry so much what you look like & embrace the chaos. As I’ve gotten further into this journey, the easiest time I have as a new mama is when I embrace the chaos, enjoy my baby girl & mostly go with the flow.

Don’t fight it, just flow with it. Some days will be better than others, some days will feel unmanageable, that’s okay!

Breastfeeding: Do it or don’t.

It’s totally your call. You decide what’s right for you. All I’m saying is, it’s not easy for most. It’s not some magical fucking journey & it does hurt, & it does exhaust you.

Obviously, we are all different. For me breastfeeding meant pumping in the beginning ( because my milk was 10 days late ) & feeding Amelia with a Doppler of my pumped milk. It took her almost two months to latch successfully.

Most babies don’t latch on their own so get a lactation consultant/ help if you feel you need one! Now we are still nursing 21 months in & I never thought I would be, now it’s ‘magical!’

To each their own. Feed your baby the best way you & baby can manage. I’m all for breastfeeding if it works for you. Mama’s milk is incredible if it’s the right fit & just know it’s not easy, but you’ll get there if it’s meant to be.

Baby wearing.

If you get tired of constantly holding your baby, or you just need a break, but babe wants to be on you, baby wearing is your best friend. Whether it’s a wrap, a shirt, a carrier, whatever your fancy- it give you breathing room & lets you be hands-free to be able to get work done when you want to/need to.

Multitasking at it’s finest!

Self care- Pour back into your cup, mama!

It’s so easy to get depleted & give & give & feel that ‘mom guilt’ for wanting to do something for yourself, but trust me, you need to & HAVE to.

I’ve had to learn, the more I pour into myself, the more I can pour into others. A walk, a nap, a bath, massage, a hike, meditation, nails done, seeing friends for a glass of wine, whatever it may be, POUR BACK INTO YOU!!!

That’s how you’ll be the best to yourself, your partner, & your family & friends. Really can’t stress this one enough & wish this was taped on my mirror: always pour back into you.

Do things that make you feel good, do things that make you feel like YOU. Find your happy spots & fall into them hard, especially in the beginning. It’s not selfish, it’s extremely important!

Mom shaming – Please don’t shame yourself.

Sadly there is some heavy mom shaming & judgement in the mom community. I don’t know why but there is!

Know that you were chosen as your baby’s mother & do what’s right for YOU ( &/or your partner )! Don’t shame yourself because of others & don’t question yourself.

This is why your mom tribe & your support system is crucial & key in the beginning of motherhood, in my opinion. Find the ones that support your decisions no matter what!

♡♡♡

Hope you guys loved this post from Ali! Be sure to follow her on Instagram. Her posts provide tons of value.

Until next time,

x, lauryn

+ scope how to have a baby & still live your life.

++ check out this post on modern parenting & an incredible birth story.

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