Oh em gee, where do I evennnn start?!
You guys know I’ve been captivated ( SLASH OBSESSED ) with the way the lymphatic system works. & on top of that, dry brushing has become an everyday routine for me. The process is so stimulating & is super invigorating ( especially in the AM ).
Anyway, in the past year & a half I’ve been reading up on manual lymphatic drainage massage. Here’s my weird thing though: the thought of someone touching my lymph nodes really grosses me out.
I don’t know why.
( You know how you have strange, bizarre shit that you don’t like? For instance I HATE ( HATE HATE HATE HATE ) getting out of the shower if there’s stray hairs on the floor/mat. GOOSEBUMPS. Stepping on random hair(s) is the equivalent to walking across a moat with 23420 alligators and a million sharks with my eyes closed. It just gives me the hibbie jibbies ).
If you’re weirded out at my strangeness, don’t worry- I weird myself out on a regular basis.
So. Lymph nodes, Lymph fluid, Lymph vessels. To me, they’re sort of an unknown & super tender, so the thought of a stranger touching them…FREAKS ME THE F OUT.
But I’ve heard so many unbelievable reviews about manual lymph drainage massage, that it’s been said to improve blood vessels circulation and reduces swelling, that I figured Asia was the perfect place to try it ( apparently they’re known for this specific massage ). When we arrived to Hong Kong I wasn’t feeling so hot. I’d been working non-stop around the clock, not sleeping well, & definitely had a sniffle or ten.
So I booked a lymphatic drainage massage.
AND HOLY MASSAGE.
Ok, I’ve had A LOT of massage because of constant neck pain. When I was nineteen I was involved in a horrible, horrible car accident where the other driver T-boned us HARD. I’ve been stuck with lateral whip lash ever since. Medical massage has been my best friend.
This massage though?
This massage techniques was different.
This massage was weird.
This massage was amazing.
So here’s how the process works: you lay down, face down…per usual & the masseuse gently massages your lymph nodes with light pressure. It’s not a deep tissue massage like I normally prefer but the after effects were so insane that it was worth every second.
Picture this: it was a couple’s massage. Michael’s next to me getting a head massage ( get that mind out of the gutter, he was getting his scalp massaged by a burly man ). After massaging my lymphs in my legs & arms, the masseuse flips me over & starts on my under eyes. At this point I’m so relaxed I fall asleep, fully snoring. With four people in the room. Michael tells me afterwards he couldn’t relax & it sounded like a wildebeest was next to him.
Back to the massage details: she massages under my eyes gently, by my eye sockets, & the sides of my eyes. I am dead asleep. ALL OF A SUDDEN I AM WOKEN UP by a flush. There’s a drainage detox throughout my body ( it was an orgasmic-like flush— kind of like endorphins running through the body ). My sinuses immediately drained. It also felt like fluid drained ( by the way guys, we’re going for authentic in this post, not hot & sexy ) from my eyes down into my body. I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT.
Afterwards I had a full-on cough attack on the massage table ( P.S. Michael is still in the room trying to have a relaxing head rub while I’m snoring, snorting, & coughing…#relatable ). The masseuse almost knew this would happen because she had a water bottle on hand. I drank the whole thing & then had to get up IMMEDIATELY to pee.
Like immediately, immediately.
When the lymph massage was done I asked her a billion questions:
Why did I cough?
Why did I have to pee?
What was draining?
What are the effects?
How long does this last?
AND OMG THAT WAS AMAZING!!!
Basically she said the cough was a natural reaction after the lymph system drains. It’s totally normal & it’s the body releasing toxins. The immediate need to pee? Even more normal. When you get a lymph drainage massage it cleans the toxins out & they release and move fluid through the kidneys. The draining was built up fluid so it reduces water retention. And the effects are clearing toxins out of the system while INSTANTLY de-puffing the under eyes like it stretches my skin. Instantly though, it’s crazy. The effects last for about a month. And how often can you get it done? She said once a month would be fine. The massage is known to relieve any pain levels and can reduce swelling.
Get this: afterwards I did not have ANY puffiness under my eyes. You know how in the morning your eyes are puffy? NONE, ZIP, ZERO. Plus I was SO relaxed in an energetic way ( if that makes sense ) & I felt detoxed.
So naturally, the whole eye thing was mesmerizing because it was like a little balloon had been popped under my eyes. I went online & saw an article about Kate Middleton’s dark circles stating that lymph drainage would really help her under eyes. Weird right? If the princess needs lymph drainage massage, then I need freaking lymph drainage massage WAY more. LOL.
It also flushes toxins from the under arms, legs, pelvic area, & neck. AHHH, I LOVE DETOXING.
By the way, I’ve heard this massage is ideal for people who just got surgery. It is believed to enhance the immune system. You can read more here. This is not a substitute to cancer treatments. So if you have like breast cancer, please consult your doctor before doing this.
If you don’t have access to massage therapist or lymphatic drainage massage, follow this YouTube tutorial on how to do it at home & DRY BRUSH ( if you get one thing out of The Skinny Confidential, dry brush! ).
Did I mention I love Asia? It’s such a special place.
Sending love from Phuket! xx
FYI: if you guys know anything about lymphatic massage, PLEASE give me more info. Obviously I am not super experienced with this kind of massage & I’m REAL interested in learning more. x