If you’re like me, next week you’re gonna be running around like a chicken ( or a turkey ) with your head cut off. You’re on a time crunch, but you wanna show up to Thanksgiving dinner with something super vibey. You know? Something that makes you feel like you’ve been slaving away in the kitchen to create something that everyone is going to love.
You know I got ya covered.
Today I’m sharing 5 hacks that will make all the difference. We’re going to discuss Kris Jenner’s famous lemon cake ( it’s out of a box ), homemade potpourri ( to make your house smell fucking delicious ), mulled wine ( yum ), fake cake ( yes you read that right- FAKE CAKE- it’ll look like you spent 5 hours baking but actually it only takes 5 minutes ), & cinnamon cider Brussels sprouts ( this recipe is a game-changer & makes the best side…let me tell ya ).
We’re on a bit of a time crunch ( lol ), so let’s get right to it.
THE SKINNY CONFIDENTIAL THANKSGIVING HACKS
♡ Kris Jenner’s lemon cake
We want to show up with a cake or something festive. But in reality who has time to bake 3 cakes? I sure don’t.
Well I just solved this problem for you. Eer, well actually Kris Jenner did.
Let me explain. A few years ago I was watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians. You know the one where Kris & Khloe have a bake-off? Missed that one? Oh, well it was a good one.
Anyway, they have this whole bake-off & Kris makes her famous cake. A cake she’s been making for 20 years. Actually she even is said to have made it for Lamar Odom weekly when he was married to Khloe, #TBT. AND IT’S A LEMON CAKE!
Of course you know how I love lemon so my ears perked up from my laptop. Khloe gives her so much shit because this famous cake she bakes is out of a box. Well two boxes, actually- but we’ll get to that.
Listen, I am a busy bitch so something like this is right up my alley. I like Kris’ style. She does it all & bakes an insane, delicious, famous lemon cake? I want IN.
Like I love the whole juggle of the situation.
So I investigated.
AT FIRST all I could find was Kris saying “fresh eggs & fresh oil, duh.” I LIVE. But I dug deep into the deep, dark web & found one measly article on Kris Jenner’s famous lemon cake.
On I went to make the cakes. There I was, Suzy Fucking Homemaker ready to show up to Christmas ( obviously they’re perfect for Thanksgiving too ) with my hands full of cakes for everyone. Not boring cakes either…TASTY, buttery soft lemon cakes! You know my relationship with lemon!! This is the perfect yearly tradition for me!
Who gives a shit if it’s out of the box?
Ok, Khloe does. But I sure don’t! I’m more of a Kris than a Khloe anyway. You?
Moving right along.
This is a total GET SHIT DONE CAKE. The “recipe” is easy & no one will know.
Anyway, you don’t have all day so let’s get to the easiest recipe in the world? Alright: first things first- it’s basically Duncan Hines Lemon Supreme Cake Mix, JELLO lemon instant pudding mix ( this is the SECRET ingredient I feel ), vegetable oil, eggs, & milk. There’s a glaze too, made with powdered sugar, & lemon juice. YESSSS.
Let’s get exact though, according to the Duncan Hines site:
KRIS JENNER’S FAMOUS LEMON CAKE
+ Makes 12-16 servings
♡ 1 package DUNCAN HINES SIGNATURE DELICIOUSLY MOIST LEMON SUPREME CAKE MIX
♡ 1 package lemon instant pudding Mix ( 4 serving size )
♡ 1/2 cup vegetable oil
♡ 1 cup water
♡ 4 cage-free eggs
+++ GLAZE: blend 1 cup powdered sugar w/ either 2 tbsp. milk or 2 tbsp. lemon juice ( use juice of 3 lemons- we like it tart )
+ directions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Blend all ingredients in a large bowl; beat at medium speed for 2 minutes. Bake in a greased & floured tube pan, 10″ or fluted at 350 degree for 45-55 minutes, until center springs back when touched lightly. Cool right side up in pan for about 25 minutes, then invert onto serving plate. GLAZE: Poke holes in the cake and then drizzle.
* note: I multiplied the recipe x 4 because I made 4 cakes- my fam, Michael’s, a friend, & Michael’s aunt!
& this my friends, is how you get shit done like Kris J.
Anyone else want to be like Kris Jenner? Or are you more of a Khloe? Khloe does her shit from scratch.
♡ Homemade potpourri
There’s something to be said about the phrase “home for the holidays.” This homemade potpourri, created by my step-mom, Julie, is constantly brewing at my parents’ house during the holiday season. Its spicy essence creates a warm feeling of sensory memory. It immediately transforms the ambience to a Thanksgiving & Christmas feeling. The best part? No calories– the smell of festive spirit is enough to alleviate the temptation of baked goods.
♡ 1 1/2 cup of spicy apple cider
♡ 1 gala apple
♡ 2 oranges
♡ 8 cinnamon sticks
♡ 6 whole nutmegs
♡ 1 dash of ground cloves
♡ 2 dashes of pumpkin spice
Put everything in to a small pot. When there are people at home, turn the stove on the lowest simmer ( do not forget to turn it off when no one is home!!! ). This concoction last for two weeks; it is totally normal for the ingredients to shrivel up over the days, just keep adding splashes of spicy apple cider ( every few days ).
♡ Mulled wine
♡ 1 bottle of red wine
♡ A handful of whole cloves
♡ A couple of cinnamon sticks
♡ Zest of an organic orange
+ Directions: simmer all ingredients over low-medium heat for ten minutes. Strain & pour into mugs. Garnish with the zest of an orange. Mandatory: drink in front of a fire. K?
♡ Fake cake
Here are the details: go to the market, grab a frosting-less cake ( Yes. They have these. If your local market doesn’t have these, go to another one because their cake game is OFF ), & get some pretty flowers ( I usually choose orange & yellow ), & throwback cream cheese pre-made frosting.
Pre-frosted cake looks like this, by the way:
At home, simply cut the flowers so the stems are about one inch long. Frost your pathetic/frosting-less cake & sprinkle pomegranate seeds down the middle of the cake, adding flowers where ever it looks cute.
Of course if you have actual time to bake the cake yourself, well then aren’t you the star of show, & by all means— be my guest. Whatever floats your boat on this one.
This festive cutie is kind of up to you— modify it to fit your needs. GET CREATIVE. Add fresh herbs, cranberries, yellow rose petals, cinnamon, &/or pumpkin icing.
Mmmmm pumpkin icing…
♡ Cinnamon cider Brussels sprouts
A few years ago I was having a Thanksgiving meltdown, trying to think of the perfect TSC recipe for you guys. I didn’t want to skinny-fy something though, ya know? Anyways, when it was really down to the wire, I texted my friend Carly ( aka The Preggers Pantry ) who gave me this recipe. It’s become a Thanksgiving staple, & is so easy & healthy.
PLUS, it has he easiest directions ever ( makes four servings ): in a large pan over medium heat, heat oil. Cook Brusssels sprouts ( cut side down ), flipping once until browned for ten to twelve minutes. Add apple & pear; cook until soft for five minutes. Add cider & cinnamon; simmer, stirring, until all liquid cooks away.
Oh, & NBD: a serving offers about 3/4 of your daily need for Vitamin C.
So good it hurts.
Some more TSC hot tips for ya:
Wish you all a relaxing & fun Thanksgiving with family & freinds.
I am very thankful for this community. This is our 12th year celebrating Thanksgiving together & I think that’s pretty major.
Would love to know what you’re cooking up & if you have any hacks I need to know about it.
Cheers ( don’t forget to have an extra glass of champagne for me ).
+ if you’re looking for a Thanksgiving hairstyle check out these sex kitten curls.
++ check out why I stayed sober for 70 days.