If you guys have been reading The Skinny Confidential lately, you know that I’ve been VERY, VERY focused & mindful on EQ lately. If you missed the post, be sure to check out here. I just feel it’s so important for business, relationships & just life in general, you know what I mean? It’s essential to growing as a human.
Speaking of growing as a human, let’s talk about MENTAL TOUGHNESS.
Personally I deal with a fire every single day. I can’t tell you how many times content has been put out that’s not ready, someone forgets to do something very important, something is late, things don’t go my way, etc. The point is how you handle it though really. Instead of feeling like giving up, I decide I’m going to allocate my energy towards fixing the problem.
I’ve been told no 29387432948732048 times more than I’ve been told YES.
I’ve been laughed at.
In fact, I’ve been on the phone when people tore me to shreds.
I’m not saying any of this for sympathy.
I’m saying it because I’ve had many openings to sit around & feel bad about myself.
Instead I’ve made the decision to be relentless. Mentally tough, if you will.
Obviously I’m not perfect & have so much more to learn but I feel like a book in particular, Relentless by Tim Grover, has sparked something that no one else has sparked in me to keep my mind mentally tough. The spark has come from realizing no one else is going to light a fire under my ass.
Someone was interviewing me the other day & asked: what I do when I feel un-inspired.
I mean I feel un-inspired 80% of the time soooooo….I told them what I do. I said, “I tell myself to get the fuck up & over it. Self discipline, motivate myself, whatever it takes to pull up my boot straps & move forward.”
At the end of the day if you’re giving any energy to negativity, that energy could be used in a positive way. Check your energy- I evaluate mine on a regular basis. I’m CONSTANTLY checking where I put my energy. Being mentally tough is something you practice, it’s like a muscle.
One of Tim’s quotes in his book is: “you make decisions, not suggestions; you know the answer while everyone else is still asking questions.”
SO today on the blog I could not be more excited because we actually have Tim Grover HIMSELF, sharing his 6 rules for mental toughness. If you haven’t heard of Tim, let me tell you alllll about him.
He is a bestselling author ( he wrote Relentless: From Good to Great to Unstoppable ), world-renowned for working with elite athletes like Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan, & hundreds of other professional athletes, he’s famous keynote speaker & an advisor to business leaders & elite achievers.
Anyway he has this insane training program called DOWN & DIRTY ELITE MENTAL TOUGHNESS TRAINING. & enrollment is closing in a couple days!!! So I really wanted to get him on to share his philosophies & what his program is all about. With that, let’s welcome Tim & his rules for mental toughness.
TIM GROVER’S 6 RULES FOR MENTAL TOUGHNESS
( All #1 because they’re all equally important… )
1. If it doesn’t contribute to your happiness, your goals, or your bank account, you don’t have time for it.
How many things are you doing because you ‘have to’ instead of ‘want to’? When the ‘have to’ list gets longer than the ‘want to’ list, you’ve lost sight of what really matters.
People talk about wanting ‘balance’ in their lives, because they’re so overwhelmed and busy and there’s no time for anything. So what’s the first thing they do to get some balance? They add more things. More time visiting the relatives, more time developing hobbies, more time working weekends, more time having lunch with friends, more time scheduling weekend activities, more time more time more time.
That’s not balance. That’s chaos.
Don’t add. Subtract. Protect your time like you can’t get more of it…because you can’t.
2. You do NOT have to love everything you do.
Here’s a big dose of BS that holds you back from your goals: ‘You have to love what you do.”
We hear that all the time, right? You have to love what you do…do what you love and you’ll never work again.
BS. You do NOT have to love everything about the journey. It’s the #1 reason people quit too soon: It stops being ‘fun’ and they give up. They get discouraged and quit because it’s not easy, it’s not comfortable, and they realize THEY DON’T LOVE IT.
I’m okay with that. You don’t have to love it.
For example: My athletes love the game. They love the wins. They love the championships. They do NOT love practices, injuries, ice tubs, and losing. They just crave the end result so intensely that the work becomes irrelevant.
Think about the most rewarding thing you’ve ever done. Maybe it’s about your career, or your family, whatever accomplishment makes you the proudest. Did you LOVE every part of it? Was there some aspect you wish you could have bypassed?
I thought so. You don’t have to love it all. You just need the mental focus and clarity to target the results.
3. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. It’s the best way to take care of everyone else who counts on you.
There’s a reason the airlines tell you to put on your own mask before assisting those around you. The better you are, the better you can help others. Don’t fall into the guilt trap of believing you owe everyone else more than you owe yourself.
The workout you skipped, the project you didn’t finish, the appointments you canceled, all because you had to do things for others. You didn’t just cheat yourself, you cheated them too. Your health, your success, your efficiency, everything about you impacts those you care about.
Invest in yourself. Take care of yourself. Not just for your own well-being, but for those who need you to be at your best.
4. Learn to say NO.
Why is it so hard to say no?
Think about how often people say no to you. Why is it so difficult for you to do the same? It’s not rude. It’s not selfish. It’s essential.
The more successful you are, the closer you get to your dream, the more intensely you commit yourself to your own goals, the more you have to say NO to others.
“NO I can’t go out tonight.”
“NO I can’t loan you the money.”
“NO I don’t want a partner.”
“NO you can’t borrow my car, or house, or watch.”
“NO I don’t want you to fix me up.”
“NO I’m not doing it your way.”
How many times have you needed to say any of those things, didn’t say it, and regretted it?
Stop overthinking it. Make a decision and stand by it. NO is simple. It’s a complete sentence.
Everyone knows what it means. They may not like it but they know.
4. Mental toughness means you don’t believe the hype when you win, and you don’t fall apart when you lose.
Success is about the end result, not what happens every hour. You can’t afford the luxury of emotional highs and lows. Control your emotions or they will control you.
5. When you can laugh at yourself, that’s confidence. When you’re worried that others are laughing, that’s a confidence problem.
You messed up and everyone knows it. So what? Who hasn’t?
Stop apologizing and start fixing the mess. Apologies are worthless without action behind them.
When you’re confident, you don’t care what others think. You can take your mistakes seriously and still laugh about them. True confidence is silent. It’s strong. It’s sexy. You don’t have to announce it. It shows without you ever saying a word.
6. Overthinking: The art of creating problems that don’t exist.
How much time do you waste obsessing about things that will never happen? Catch yourself anticipating disaster and drama. Your mind must be stronger than your feelings…not the other way around.
Every time you stop to analyze, consider, think, rethink, go back to the drawing board, rethink some more, have a meeting, get some opinions, reconsider, talk it over, test the waters, sleep on it, kick it around, take it slow, put it on the back burner, think some more, and finally decide to not decide…someone else went ahead and got it done.
If you’re the kind of person who needs a guarantee, you have no chance against those who are willing to work with unpredictable odds and are willing to take a chance.
We can work on this. You deserve better than a lifetime of indecision and second guesses.
There are still 2 days left to sign up for my DOWN & DIRTY ELITE MENTAL TOUGHNESS TRAINING Program.
Tim says you should only apply if:
♡ You want more success, more respect, more income.
♡ You want to learn how the greats think, work, and overcome adversity.
♡ You want to WORK with me, and are as committed to this group as I am.
♡ You are willing and able to make a reasonable financial commitment to work with me for 10 weeks.
So what is the program all about? Tim teaches you:
♡ how to master your mind, based on my decades of experience with hundreds of elite champions and competitors at the highest level.
♡ how to wage mental warfare on the competition and yourself, and WIN.
♡ how to set your sights on the end result, and ACHIEVE IT.
♡ how to actually USE what you learn, not just take a lot of notes.
♡ | ♡ | ♡ | ♡ | ♡
Hope you guys can check out what his program is all about & stalk him on Instagram. If you’re a podcast listener be sure to scoop his episode on The Skinny Confidential HIM & HER Podcast- it’s such a fucking fire episode.
Feeling pretty relentless myself right now because Tim Grover (!!!) just guested posted for TSC community. Love him.
+ if you’re into mental toughness, be sure to read my post on emotional intelligence.
LEAVE A COMMENT
12 replies to “5 Tips to be a Mentally Tough Badass”
One of the things I am struggling with right now is not letting people get to me. I work in retail and with the holiday season coming up, I tend to take customers attitudes personally, even though I know it isn’t my fault. I am going to have to look more into the books you suggested. I am a bookseller after all!
Heck ya! These will help. Hope you enjoy them! xx
LOVE this! Number 6 was so well said
Overthinking is something I really struggle with! Perseverating on silly moments that mean nothing in the grand scheme of my goals. Metacognition- thinking about thinking- has really helped me with beginning to erase that pattern.
Love this post and your show! You have inspired me to get my ass up and work towards writing seriously about my experience as a former teen parent. Thank you!
Need to look more into metacognition! We do what we do for people like you! Keep killing it <3
Nice article. It is really amazing. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for reading <3
great one i like your words.
Many of them mistakenly believe that a lack of emotion is a sign of strength. But kids who deny their feelings are simply acting tough –which is much different than being mentally strong .
I don’t know if It is just me or everyone. But, I feel a lot drained while staying at home along with my kids managing work, food and kids all on my own. Kids always keep me on my toes. I just don’t know maybe I have been overthinking about a lot of things that might not happen.
give yourself a little grace! these are weird times!