Omigod, another year.
This year has been one of the most transformative of my life, by far. To be dead sober for 8 months ( I didn’t find out I was pregnant for 7 weeks ) and have so much clarity through that, as well as bringing my daughter into the word, it’s completely opened my eyes. It’s so cliché to say, but it really has.
These are 3 things I wanted to share with you that I really learned & practiced this year.
3 Things I Learned This Year:
♡ Take a stance.
This year I realized that you’re not going to please everyone & it’s ok to stand up for what you believe in.
Recently Michael & I decided to take a stance on negativity online. Throughout the whole quarantine experience we were noticing an influx of negativity & attacks online. We decided to take a stance by doing a solo podcast episode on The Skinny Confidential HIM & HER show.
Some of the top takeaways of the episode are:
♡ One of my tactics right now is to tell 3 people every day something they’re doing ‘right’ & sharing with them what I am personally grateful for. It helps shift perspective. It takes so much energy to look for what someone is doing wrong & it’s such a waste of time. If you’re sitting at home, waiting for someone to fuck up so you can go after them, you’re losing. You’re hurting the world & your own well-being. My friend Ingrid wrote a great Instagram post about this:
“Cancel Culture is all the rage right now … we are all going thru a shitload of emotions. Anyone currently on social media can trigger us, they are « tone deaf ». They are obnoxiously privileged, Ellen likened staying home in her mansion to prison (it enraged me obviously but I got over it since she couldn’t possibly know what prison is like and how these misplaced inmates are dropping like flies and the moms don’t get to see their kids for Easter sometimes it’s their annual visit). If a millionaire celebrity is giving 1M dollars, they are slammed for being able to give way more. If a beauty blogger posts her make-up routine, she is punched with « people are dying and you are doing your make-up ». If a public person doesn’t talk about the donations she has made she is criticized for not doing enough, but if she speaks up about donating then she is vain and using the charitable action for publicity. If a health pro speaks about the benefits of product for the immune system they are slammed for disgustingly trying to profit from a pandemic. Holy shit is this a LAND mine for a content creator. What is one supposed to do?”
♡ A lot of people are lonely, scared, have lost their paycheck or health- we all need to be understanding of this. Always be leading with an open mind & less judgement. Everyone has a different story & MOST ( not everyone ) don’t go in with the intention to hurt. If you try to see someone else’s perspective, it can give you more empathy for them.
♡ Michael has been trying to be grateful for the resources we have during the pandemic. He’s cut toxic people/followers out of his life & is only focusing on positivity in his life.
♡ Sometimes I read The Daily Mail while I’m having lunch & I realized the media is always negative. I can feel like cortisol rise. So if you have something like that stressing you out or triggering you, just fucking delete the app or whatever it is. A good book can always make your life more positive so check out The Skinny Confidential Book Club because there’s a ton of juicy recommendations.
♡ Stillness is the key.
This is probably the main thing I’ve learned this year thanks to Ryan Holiday & really zoning in on his method of being still.
I used to think you always had to be moving but I realize now that being still & practicing breathwork, meditation & putting aside thinking time for yourself is the best thing you can do to recharge.
A lot of my time has been spent without my phone & micro-dosing ( this needs it’s own post ). Really, just expanding my mind & thoughts and sitting with myself without any outside distractions.
This year I’ve spent more time off my phone than any other year. Ok, maybe in 7th grade when Nokias were around & I dabbled in Snake a bit less time was spent on the phone than this year. But you know what I mean.
This has really been a ‘still’ year for me & allowed me to zone in on the vision I have for my life. I’ve been able to be methodical & really lay out the kind of life I want to create for myself & my family.
Stillness Is The Key by Ryan Holiday is such a must-read if stillness sounds like something you need in your life. Some tips & tricks you’ll learn from the book are:
♡ how to let go & loosen up.
♡ how to take in the beauty around you by going for a walk, asking questions, being curious, & wonder about your surroundings.
♡ we’re human beings, not human doings. ( via )
♡ The difference between an introvert & an extrovert.
For my whole life I always thought I was an extrovert because I’m very comfortable speaking in front of people & being around crowds. However, this year I learned what an introvert & extrovert actually is.
An extrovert is someone who starts the day with a pocket full of coins. Every time there’s an energy exchange they lose coins. So at the end of the day, they get home, depleted with no coins left at all.
An introvert starts the day with empty pockets- no coins. As they go about their day they collect coins from everyone they come in contact with. So at the end of the day, they get home & their pockets are full of coins.
I realized I was more of an introvert in that way- when I go out & exchange energy I feel a little bit depleted. In order to become a bit more of an extrovert, it helps me go dark for 2 days. Get off my phone, don’t return texts or DMs for 2 days & read a real book ( right now I’m reading Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle ).
I’m really comfortable with the fact that after going out I need time to recharge, which is where the stillness comes in. I’ve learned how to sit with myself and be ok with it.
Also need to shout out Wim Hoff’s breathing method. I’ve talked about this on all my platforms because it’s truly changed my life. It’s centered me better than mediation, it keeps my hormones in check, & it’s a really nice way to start the day, along with a cold shower.
If you haven’t listened to the podcast episode with Wim, you gotta check it out. We talk about how to control your anxiety, dealing with depression through breathwork, & his love of freezing cold temperatures.
Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes on social media. You guys are so important to The Skinny Confidential community & it’s been so fun bringing you guys along as I became a mother.
Yesterday we celebrated indoors. We had a caviar and lemon mimosa morning, and Italian for dinner. Think grapefruit aperol spritzes & margherita pizza on the rooftop with lots of Bossa nova & Zaza.
We were supposed to be in Cabo, but hey, as long as I’m with Michael, Zaza & the dogs I’m good.
Thank you again for all the birthday wishes. See you next time.
+ stalk Ryan Holiday for more on stoicism.
++ learn more about Wim Hoff’s breathing method here.