The Skinny Confidential talks vagina steaming.

TONIGHT’S CASUAL TOPIC: Vagina Steaming

Updated: May 5, 2015
by
LAURYN

The Skinny Confidential talks vagina steaming.

YOUUUUU GUYS. HAS ANYONE HEARD OF VAGINA STEAMING? IF SO, CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT? Like, ASAP.

I heard about it through my friend, Gwyneth.

You know Gwyneth Paltrow.

She tells me about the latest & greatest holistic trends via Letterman.

And her latest UH-BUH-SESS-SION is vagina steaming.

Before you like, exit off my site & call me bat shit crazy, hear me out.

( side: I know Gwenie can be a little out of touch with reality but she may really be on to something with this vagina steaming thing ).

Here’s what Gwyneth said about the V-Steam:

“You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release—not just a steam douche—that balances female hormone levels. If you’re in LA, you have to do it.”

I don’t know if you guys know a lot about regular douching but I’m so not a fan.

Douching ( with a Rite-Aid, store bought kind of douche ) basically sucks bacteria out of your vag-jay. Now this sounds awesome & all BUT it also sucks the good bacteria out too. SO NO thanks. YOU need good bacteria. It’s good for ya.

This though, this vag steaming is different.

It’s all-natural & holistic. Check out its benefits:

♥ Significantly reduce discomfort, bloating and exhaustion associated with monthly cycles
♥ Decrease menstrual flow as well as reduce dark purple or brown blood at the onset or end of menses
♥ Regulate irregular or absent menstrual cycles
♥ Increase fertility, especially when combined with Mayan abdominal massage
♥ Speed healing and tone the reproductive system after birth
♥ Treat uterine fibroids, ovarian cysts, uterine weakness and uterine prolapse
♥ Assist with the healing of hemorrhoids
♥ Treat chronic vaginal/yeast infections, and maintain healthy odor
♥  Relieve symptoms of menopause

Supposedly it’s reallllly known to help with cramps & fertility. More here.

As this women says ( & I SO AGREE ): “Often, I think some take the care of their vaginal/perianal area a little too lightly. It is the core of who and what we are as women; it brings forth life, love, pleasure, etc. We must learn to take care, treat and respect our vagina and womb.”

Ok so, here’s a bit of background for all of you who are still reading ( with your mouths hanging open, hiding the screen from your bf/boss ): “the V-steam is the Americanized version of a centuries-old Korean tradition called chai-yok, during which women hover over a piping hot cauldron of Wormwood and Mugwort to be thoroughly cleansed from the inside out. Wormwood and Mugwort, which sounds like a class Neville Longbottom would excel in at Hogwarts, are actually herbs that have alleged antibiotic and antifungal properties, as well as healing powers. Basically, it’s sorcery for your vagina. The average chai-yok session promises to reduce stress, fight infections, regulate your menstrual cycle, alleviate hemorrhoids, promote circulation, correct digestive disorders and clear up hormonal acne. Yes, vaginal steaming is the secret to world peace. Or, you know, a bunch of hooey. Either way.”

Ok so sorcery for MY VAGINA?

Sounds cool, right.

You know it does guys. Don’t lie.

I can’t be the only woman on the planet who’s intrigued? I mean? Eer, maybe?

Now as much as I’d love to say I’m currently vagina steaming while writing this post, unfortunately I’m not. I’m not that good at multi-tasking.

But I’m so totally planning on giving it a little whirly-whirl this weekend.

( Don’t be jealous of my Sunday activities, guys ).

Maybe I’ll Snapchat it.

I kid, I kid.

& MAYBE, JUST MAYBE Michael will do it with me because apparently there’s something called A-STEAMING…for men’s butts. MEOW.

The Skinny Confidential talks vagina steaming.

Obviously I played around on Google & found someone’s intense, serious in detail interview ( THE MORE THE BETTER!! ).

Here’s this women’s personal V-Steam story:

Entering the vagina steaming room ( I just don’t know what else to call it ), I’m faced with what looks like a Victorian police cell toilet situated over a steaming pot of Grandma’s Chai Spice Vagina tea. I hover over the hole in the seat just so and then settle down so that the steam may rise into That Which Is Most Sacred. I cannot tell a lie: At first, it feels incredibly weird to have hot wet air wafting into my cooch. My entire body tenses as I actively clench my vaginal muscles to protect myself from the invading shower of scorching steam. It would feel exactly like the poison fog from the Hunger Games arena, I think. First a burning heat and then convulsion after convulsion of electric pain!

No, no. I have to stop this! I didn’t pay $50 to sit here and push hot air out of my vagina. I paid $50 to become more like Gwyneth and Gwyneth relaxes into things; she consciously uncouples, like, all the time. She allows herself to engage in humiliating white girl rapping. She rides motorcycles around Spain with her best friend, Mario Batali. Respect.

I force myself to take deep breaths and visualize my vagina opening like a freshly painted Georgia O’Keefe, inviting the warm breath of life inside my uterus. Welcome, I said. And as I say this, I begin to ease into it. It feels foreign, but not bad; like visiting a new country that you weren’t sure would be safe for women travelers and then stumbling upon a lesbian bookstore collective. And you know what? I like it. I zen out as my vagina sucks up steam and drips out whatever; I fantasize about getting a really good spa-style exfoliating scrub beatdown afterwards. I want to feel as clean on the outside as I feel on the inside. Which is to say, very clean. Squeaky clean. Just me and my squeaky clean vagina.

At the end of my 30 minutes, I stand up and have a distinct feeling of emptiness. Not in a scary way but in a calming way. I feel good. I imagine this is how Gwyneth Paltrow feels all the time; empty and just a little bit better than other people. It’s almost like I can hear her voice whispering into my vagina. And Gwyneth is saying “You are living your best life, Laura.” Or maybe that’s Oprah.

WOW.

This woman must be my spirit animal or something.

I feel like we need to go to the vagina spa together.

Regardless, I think I’m gonna go DIY on this one. If you’re just dying to try this at home, read the oh-so-cute instructions here. I’M NOT GOING TO LIE, I WATCHED THE WHOLE YOUTUBE DIY, AT HOME TUTORIAL TOO ( maybe I’ll do a tutorial on this too…lol! ).

SO. There I’ll be on Sunday, creating my own vagina spa at Casa De Lauryn. Anyone wanna R.S.V.P.?

x, lauryn

(P.S. IF YOU’VE V-STEAMED BEFORE YOU HAVE TO SHARE YOUR STORY. SO NOT FAIR IF YOU DON’T SHARE!!)

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  1. Carla

    I’ m so not interested in this topic, yet I’ m laughing because this post is too funny! Can’t wait for the follow-up!

    Reply
  2. Iris

    It sounds really interesting, maybe something to try (at home). Though I have to admit I was laughing out loud while reading this well written V-steam story you found.

    Reply
  3. Lisa mecham

    No way!!!!! Mind blown. I seriously sent this article to my friends and am trying to convince them to try it first….. Because apparently I’m some kind of nervous. Lol

    Reply
  4. MF

    Never thought I’d hear anyone talk about HP and Vajayjays together but I’m all for it. I actually want to try this out. I’m curious about if it matters when in your cycle you go? Or if there’s a best time to go when we have the most bad bacteria? Hmmm I’ll be researching gals! xoxo

    Reply
    1. Danielle

      A V-Steam is basically a facial for your vag, LOL. There isn’t any scientific evidence that it does anything. The vagina is a self cleaning organ and cleans itself out.. the steam can’t travel far enough to do anything, so it isn’t actually going to clear out any bacteria for you. But rest assured, your vag will clear out any bacteria you might have, on its own!

      The main benefit of this practice is relaxation.. and as we all know, when you are less stressed and more relaxed, all your systems work better and you are healthier.

      I like natural medicine as well, but just wanted to throw some science your way, as well, because it’s definitely important to look at both :)

  5. Clueless Fadekemi

    When I was at uni, I had a floor mate and friends that use to do this almost every month… I am Nigerian and its very normal for ladies from the region of my country that i come from to do this. Especially Ladies that just gave birth. Some women believe it keeps the vee-jay clean and bad-odour free. My aunties recommend it to me but i have not tired it yet. maybe i will give it a go this weekend.

    Reply
  6. Corinne

    I can’t believe I’ve never heard of this before. Looking to see if they have them in Chicago now! Also, this made me legit laugh out loud: “I stand up and have a distinct feeling of emptiness. Not in a scary way but in a calming way. I feel good. I imagine this is how Gwyneth Paltrow feels all the time; empty and just a little bit better than other people.”
    SPOT. ON.
    Corinne recently posted..Hello world!My Profile

    Reply
  7. Mary Anne

    Ask your doctor….he will tell you that Paltrow is an idiot and so is anyone who follows her. This is a very dangerous practice. The Vagina does not need to be cleaned. It is not dirty. Do this upsets the natural balance and can cause great harm. Don’t be stupid. Talk to your Doctor

    Reply
  8. Krista

    Interesting. I’m getting my IUD removed next month, and think I’ll talk to my Dr. about this. It seems like if ever there is a time to steam your ‘gina, it’s right after getting an IUD removed!

    Reply
  9. J.Naughty

    Vagtastic Voyage

    Okay. I did it.

    I work as a flight attendant which wreaks havoc on your body. And on your mind. For this reason I will incorporate as much spa as I can in my life. Living in LA, I discovered I could hide out for hours and make my way on a rejuvenation circuit until my scheduled body scrub and massage. Himalayan Salt Crystal Sauna-Cold Plunge-Oxygen Stone Room-Mugwort Steam-Mugwort Pool-Cold Plunge. Rinse, lather, repeat–then collapse on floor of Jade Room.

    Somewhere in all of this, I was asked if I wanted to upgrade to the special steam for “women’s health.” Why not?

    To make it especially awkward, my mom had joined me.

    I should mention at this point that Korean Spas are nude. Rugged, LOL.

    So my mom and I are brought to a room with these short boxes that remind you of something a shoe salesman would sit on to fit you for shoes–but with padded toilet seats on top. In a room with 10 toilet like chairs, my mom and I pick our seats. A woman brings in a large soup pot that is steaming and contains mugwort leaves. I stand up so she can put the steaming pot on what looks like a single burner camp stove then motions for me to sit down. Two more women join us and the process is repeated.

    Despite the burner being on low, my kitty is being scalded so I move uncomfortably around on the seat and then ask everyone else in the room if their kitty is supposed to be roasted? No..? Just me?

    Perfect.

    I turn the camp burner to the off position and wait for it to cool down before trying it again. Success. I am now steaming my p#$$y.

    I begin a dialogue with the veterans in the room and they swear by it. One for fertility–F this, I am getting off, LOL. The other is prone to frequent yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. Somehow cooking your vagina seems to make these problems go away.

    I too have a problem p#$$y. F-ing thing is broken more than it is in use it seems so perhaps this would be a helpful practice to include in my life…

    And then one of the women in the room rips a fart.

    Maybe not, LOL.

    If you can get over the awkward factor provided by steaming your goods on a makeshift toilet in the company of other naked strangers, kudos, you are a better (wo)man than I.

    I was however haunted by the image of my naked mom across the room from me and how my body would look if I chose not to take care of it. My thoughts interrupted by a rip and laughter. My only real concern, “did she just shart into the pot?” LOL, rugged.

    Reply
  10. J.Naughty

    And despite the link to an article above that says, “vaginas don’t need to be steamed because they (drum roll please) clean themselves (rimshot),” I call bullisht. Anyone that has ever had a vagina knows what a f-ing pain they are. If you have ever had a yeast infection, a bacterial infection, or a urinary tract infection, you know that the vagina did not expell that isht immediately or at all despite your prayers. Instead, your vagina told you to make a doctor’s appointment for antibiotics or it sent you out to the local CVS at 11pm for some f-ing Monistat 7, LOL.

    The skin is the largest organ of the body. ln 1991, the EPA concluded that the average person can absorb more contaminants from bathing and showering than from drinking polluted water.. So yes, there are benefits to steaming your clam just as there are benefits to taking a supplement.

    With that said, you can reap the benefits of steaming your clam.

    Reply
    1. Jewels

      J. Naughty – no idea who you are, but you should start your own blog or join TSC because that was awesomely hilariously written! And, guessing as a flight attendant, you may have quiet a bit to write about! :)

  11. Ashley

    I’m intrigued!!! I’ll definitely be watching the youtube tutorial.. when I’m not at work, of course! haha! I think I would stick to the DIY @ home style.. I don’t think there’s many spas in Minnesota that offer this “luxury” quite yet..
    Ashley recently posted..Obsession: Detox Baths!My Profile

    Reply
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